Ain't No Sunshine
by starrysky7
Summary: He was tall and lean, with dark hair and blue eyes. Handsome indeed, not even the scar on his face could change that. But his face was stern and his eyes cold.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter One**

 _August, 1964_

It was a blistering hot day in Tulsa, but Rose welcomed the heat, it suggested that maybe things weren't so different here. The stifling heat of summer was something all her homes so far had shared. Perhaps the only difference now would be the distance from the sea.

Her family had only arrived from Miami a few weeks prior. A move brought on by her mother's latest marriage - third time's the charm. They were so sickeningly happy that Rose didn't have it in to bitterly resent the move as her brother did. Or perhaps Miami had never seemed as much of a home to her as Cuba had been before it. And nothing could ever truly replace your first home.

Still, she'd miss the beach, the thunderstorms in summer, and her family most of all. Aside from the occasional holiday in New York from her father, this was the furthest away from them she'd ever been, and this time the separation was permanent. At least she had her step-father's family, who were pleasant but not much of a consolation prize.

Diego had initially refused to let her tag along with his friends, but Rose was equally as stubborn and had the advantage of their mother being on her side. The triumph was short-lived, however, as her brother spent the whole drive in an utterly foul mood. Rose was just glad their mother hadn't forced him to take their little brother as well, because then Diego would be unbearable.

Even when her brother ignored her she still loved him, just as she supposed all siblings did. At sixteen he had finally hit his growth spurt and was now all gangly limbs, they shared the same dark hair and eyes - though hers were a darker shade of brown, almost black. To her mother's dismay Rose was the enigma of the family, sharing her grandmother's caramel skin unlike her paler relations.

Diego still hadn't spoken to her as they entered the bowling alley, and she practically had to run to keep up with him as he stalked towards a group of teenagers. Rose stood back as he greeted them, waiting for an introduction she knew wouldn't come. Only when one of the boys nodded to her did her brother finally acknowledge her presence.

"This is my sister," Diego said, "Rose."

"Nice to meet you, Rose." Said another boy, "I'm Two-Bit, this is Soda and Steve."

"You gonna bowl with us?" Soda asked.

"No." Diego said, not even giving her a chance to respond.

"So I'm just supposed to watch?" Rose demanded, crossing her arms and scowling at her brother.

The three other boys exchanged looks, grinning at each other as they backed away from the squabbling siblings.

"Do whatever you want." Diego said, "Just don't bug us."

"Fine." She snapped back, and it took all of her not to stamp her foot, "I'll be waiting in the car, since you want to be an ass."

Marching towards the exit, it was only when she reached the car that she realized her brother still had the keys. The day had turned out to be a total bust. She was in a no good town, with no friends and a brother who didn't want her around.

"Shit." She muttered, slapping the car with her hand before taking a kick at its wheels, "Shit."

"You alright there?" A voice asked.

Jerking her head up to see a boy standing a few feet away from her. He was tall and lean, with dark hair and cold blue eyes. Handsome indeed, not even the scar on his face could change that, but he was definitely bad news.

"I'm fine." She answered, "Are you alright just standing there watching me?"

"Just wanted to make sure you didn't hurt yourself." He replied, his mouth twisting into a smirk, "Thought you might appreciate my caring."

"Hardly much care." She said, "But thanks anyway."

His eyes narrowed at her, and she started fretting about her big mouth getting her in trouble again. Her mother was always telling her she was too smart for her own good, and this boy looked like he was either impressed by her, or pissed off. Probably both.

"What's your name, kid?" He asked, and she decided it must be the former.

"Rose." She said, "And I'm not a kid."

"How old are you?"

"15."

"Then you're a kid."

"Well you don't look like you're an adult." She pointed out, "And if you're under 18 then you're a kid too."

It was a completely valid argument, and by the way his lips twisted into a smirk, one he appreciated. He leant back against the hood of the car, stretching his legs out and making himself comfortable. She could see the scar running down the side of his face clearer now, and she wanted to ask how he got it but knew better. You just don't ask strangers how they got scars. Especially not strangers who looked like they were intimately familiar with the inside of a cell.

"You new here?" He asked, his gaze drifting up and down her body.

"Just moved here," Rose nodded, jutting out her chin, refusing to buckle under his intense stare. "From Miami."

He nodded at her. "How you liking this town of ours?"

"It's greener." She admitted. "I didn't think Oklahoma was this green."

He chuckled at that. It sounded neither entirely genuine nor entirely fake. Like true laughter was something he'd trained himself out of a long time ago but sometimes he found himself slip up.

"What's your name?" She asked. "I told you mine, so you have to tell me yours."

"Ain't how it works."

"Then how does it work?" She asked, tilting her head and cocking an eyebrow, "Let me guess, however you say it does."

"You catch on pretty quick."

"My momma says I'm smart."

He opened his mouth to respond but was interrupted by the sound of her name being called. Turning her head she saw Diego approaching them, his eyes flicking between them suspiciously. As hard as she knew he tried to keep his face emotionless, Rose coils tell that he was angry. With her or the situation she didn't know, but he was grinding his jaw in the way that was usually followed by a string of muttered curses in Spanish.

"Hey Tim," he said, "Whatcha you doing here?"

Rose grinned in triumph at learning his name, even if he hadn't been the one to tell her. But the smile just made Diego frown more.

"Not much." Tim shrugged, "She your girl?"

"My sister." Diego corrected, and they both watched as Tim's expression remained neutral.

"Yeah, I can see the resemblance." Tim said, shoving his hands in his pockets, "Well, I better get inside."

Just as he was making to leave she spoke up, "See you around, Tim." She told him, desperately trying to keep her tone casual

"See you around, kid." He replied, and though she couldn't see his face she knew he was smirking.

"What're you doing hanging around with Shepard?" Diego demanded as soon as Tim was out of earshot, "He's trouble you know. A real hood."

"And those friends of yours aren't?" She countered.

"Not like him." Diego said, "Look, Rose, I'm not playing."

"Neither am I."

"Really," Diego said, "You looked like you were having an awful lot of fun."

"It was a conversation." Rose said, "You don't have to crucify me for it."

"Just don't have any more conversations with him," Diego said, a pleading edge to his voice, "Please, for me."

"Okay." She muttered.

"D'you want to come back inside now?" Diego asked, "We've only just started."

"So no apology I'm guessing."

"Hey, you can either come inside, or sit out here in the heat," he said, "Cause I'm not giving you the keys."

"Fine."

Crossing her arms she trudged back inside behind her brother, joining the group which now had a few new additions. They all seemed alright, funny even, but no matter how much she enjoyed herself she couldn't stop her eyes from straying towards where Tim was sitting with who she assumed were his friends. Her brother's desperation to keep her away from him only made her more fascinated by him. But she also knew that Diego wouldn't be worried over nothing, and Tim was practically the definition of a bad decision.

Still, she'd never really made the smartest choices.

* * *

 **This stories ties into my other story, Sweet Thing, and they take place in the same universe.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Two**

 _December 1964_

It was dark when Tim left Buck's, slightly drunk but not too far gone that he couldn't drive. He'd intended to go home, but somehow ended up driving in the other direction. The streets were empty, the houses he passed changing as he entered the neighbourhood that boarded nice. Any further and he would well and truly be out of his comfort zone.

Driving past a park he had thought about turning around, but hesistated when he saw someone sitting on the benches. Looking closer he saw that it was Rose.

Tim hadn't much thought of her since they met. He'd seen her once since then at a party at the Curtis' house. She'd waved at him, but he'd been too caught up with Jeannie Baker whispering dirty things in his ear to pay much attention to some kid he hardly knew.

And yet, something had him pulling up at the curb and getting out of the car.

As he walked closer, Rose watched him with her steady gaze, but said nothing. Her curly hair was falling messily around her shoulders, her face free of any makeup, and by the slippers on her feet he guessed she'd been planning on going to bed before she'd ended up in the park.

"What're you doing here?" Tim asked. "It's fucking freezing."

"I didn't know it'd be this cold." Rose admitted, her voice was soft and defeatist, and Tim hated it. She'd been so entertaining last time they talked. Kind of annoying with her witty remarks, but entertaining nonetheless.

"Course it's cold," Tim said, sitting down next to her. "It's the middle of winter."

"It's December." Rose pointed out.

"So?"

"January's the middle of winter."

Tim couldn't help but smirk at her remark. Even when she was looking at him with that dejected expression she still managed to be mouth off. If she was any other girl the backchat would've annoyed him, but he found he rather enjoyed it with her. Besides, it was hard to be angry when she was sitting there looking so pathetically sad.

"Why you out here?" He asked.

"No reason." Rose shrugged.

She was hoping that the vague answer would be enough to stave off further inquiries. After all, she didn't suppose he really wanted to know, he was just being uncharatistically polite.

It wasn't as if she would have told him even if he genuinely cared to know. He was still a stranger. She wasn't about to unload her troubles on him when they really weren't all that bad.

But then he raised his eyebrows at her in disbelief.

"I had a fight with my Mom." She admitted. "It's nothing."

Tim nodded, not looking like he believed her anymore now. But who would? You didn't run away to the park after a fight if it was only something minor.

Rose hadn't really planned on running out, she just needed to get out of there. Her mother had been talking about how happy she was in Tulsa, and Diego had begrudgingly agreed. Now he had a girlfriend and suddenly Tulsa was heaven on earth. It wasn't fair. He hadn't even wanted to move and now he had settled in like he'd lived here his whole life.

Sure, Rose had friends now and was living the normal life of a teenager. And still there was this emptiness inside of her. A yearning for more and more that she'd never been able to satisfy. Perhaps because she didn't know what she wanted other than to leave. And you could only leave so many times before you start to wonder if you're the problem.

Everything in her wanted to hate her family for being so delighted about their new life. She knew it was unfair. Her mother needed this new life in Tulsa with Sam, after everything she'd been through. And Sam was a good guy. He adored her mother and was always kind to them.

And Rose had wanted to get out of Miami just as much as them. Tulsa was supposed to be a fresh start, and maybe it could be. If only she hadn't spent her entire life constantly wanting to be anywhere but where she was.

They sat in silence as she gazed out into the darkness of the night, and for that she was thankful. Tim didn't seem like the kind of person who felt the need to fill silence with empty words, and neither was she. There wasn't any point in saying something you didn't mean for the sole purpose of saying something.

"Does it snow here?" Rose asked.

"In January." Tim answered. "Why?"

Rose smiled softly. "I've never seen snow before."

Tim was glad she didn't look so depressed anymore, and even more thankful she hadn't started crying. If there was one thing he couldn't handle it was emotional girls. That usually just ended him being slapped for saying something wrong.

"It ain't all that great." He told her. "Not that much of it either."

"It'll be great the first time." She said. "Things are usually best the first time because it's new. Everyone loves the novelty of new. It's old and consistent things that are taken for granted."

That was a little be too introspective for Tim to want to deal with at that moment. Next they would be contemplating the meaning of life.

"I don't know if that applies to sex," he said. "I think sex just keeps getting better. For me at least."

Rose rolled her eyes at that, but she was still smiling so he didn't think he'd offended her sensibilities too much.

A cold wind swept through the park, sending a chill down his spine. He pulled the cigarette packet out of his pocket, shoving one in his mouth and lighting it. The smoke filled his lungs, providing him with some warmth. He looked up to see Rose was watching him so he took the cigarette out of his mouth, holding it out to her.

Rose shook her head. "I don't smoke."

"C'mon," he said, "it'll keep you warm."

Somewhat reluctantly she took the cigarette from him. She gently placed it in her mouth in a way he found way too attractive, before taking a drag. But when she breathed the smoke out she started coughing, practically dry heaving really, and he couldn't help but laugh.

"That's disgusting." She said, handing the cigarette back to him. "Why do you smoke that?"

"You get used to it." Tim chuckled.

"Somehow I don't think I could." She said, her eyes turning downcast. "My parents are probably worried about me. Running away was a stupid thing to do."

"Yeah it was." Tim agreed.

"What?"

"It was a dumb thing to do." He affirmed. "Sitting out here at night. Never know what hood will come up and hassle you."

"But this is your neighbourhood," she said, "isn't it?"

"Yeah." He replied. Technically his neighbourhood ended a good twenty blocks away. "So?"

"So." She drawled, leaning forward ever so slightly so he now had a better view of her ample chest. "If some guy hassled me I could just come to you, and you could set him straight."

She was watching him with dangerously playful eyes, smirking at him in a way that made him want nothing more than to kiss it off of her. Not that he thought he'd be able to stop at just a kiss, and he didn't think screwing her on a park bench in winter was a good idea. They might end up with hypothermia.

But that didn't mean he couldn't tease back.

"And why would I do that?" He asked with a devilish grin.

"Out of the goodness of your heart."

"Ain't much good in my heart." He told her, straightening his back so he was no longer leaning into her, and looking back to his car.

"You got somewhere to be?" Rose asked.

"Home." He replied. "Where you should be?"

"At your home?" She asked, coyly.

Tim gave her a sly grin. "I'm assuming you live near here."

Rose nodded. "A couple blocks."

"You good to walk?"

"Yeah." She said, getting up from the bench. "See you later, Tim."

Watching her stalk off, Tim wondered how attempting to do the right thing had landed him in hot water.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Three**

 _May 1965_

The bowling alley was a little too full for Rose's liking. Only being the two of them, her and Beth were forced to share their lane with some other kids from school. Beth was chatting away with them and Rose joined in as much as was required. She didn't mind if they thought she was quiet so long as they didn't think she was rude.

When the topic of food came up she was the first to volunteer, anything to get away. There wasn't anything wrong with them, they seemed nice enough. But Rose had hoped that it would be just her and Beth today. Her birthday's were bad enough without unwelcome company.

Of course, the most unwelcome of company had to join the line for food behind her.

She hadn't seen Tim since she'd embarrassed herself in front of him last winter, and for that she was glad. It was humiliating enough that she had done such a childish thing as run away but for Tim to be the one to find her. Add to that his rejection of her advances and she hardly wanted to be around him.

Still, he had been kind to her, in his own way.

"Tim." She acknowledged, barely glancing at him.

"Rose." He replied. "Dressed in your Sunday best I see."

"Yeah," she nodded. As sheepish as she felt she wouldn't let herself feel embarrassed about being religious. Not that she was going to tell him she also sang in the church choir. "I didn't get the chance to change after church this morning."

"You're a church girl," he said. "Wouldn't pick you for that."

"What does that mean?" She snapped, glaring at him.

"Nothing." He chuckled, clearly enjoying her annoyance. "My Ma used to take us when we were kids but I haven't been in years."

"Oh. Well, I've gone my whole life. And we're Catholic, but there aren't any Catholic churches near us so we have to go to the Protestant one with my step-dad's family." Rose explained. "Good thing my grandmother doesn't know. As far as she's concerned we might as well be going to a synagogue."

"And why's that?"

Rose raised her eyebrows at him. "The Catholics and the Protestants? No love lost there." She said. "Wars fought, people burned at the stake for heresy. And we switched over like it was nothing. I feel like we're trivialising historical suffering."

Switching denominations was hardly that much of a sin, but it was just another change she had to get used to. Another way for her mother to pretend to be just like everyone else, and act like there was nothing wrong with that.

Tim grinned at her. "I think God will forgive you."

"Anyway," she said, "what're you doing here?"

"Waiting for my brother." He said. "You?"

"Beth made me come out, said it's not worth having a birthday if you don't celebrate it." She said. "I don't think she believed me when I said I hate my birthday."

"Why'd you hate your birthday?" Tim asked.

"Because I turned sixteen."

"So?" He asked. "Is sixteen a bad age? You ain't old yet."

"So," she said. "I'm a Freshman. I'm a year older than everybody else and they all want to know why, and they all assume the worst. Twice on Friday I was asked if I missed a year of school because I had a kid."

"Why did you miss school?" He asked, and she couldn't really be angry with him. After all, she was the one who brought the topic up. It was just too damn easy to talk to him, every time she found herself saying more than she wanted.

"I was ten when we moved from Cuba, and everyone thought it would only be temporary so I wasn't enrolled in school." She explained. "And when I finally started going to school I'd missed enough that I was behind. So I ended up having to repeat a year."

Tim nodded at that and she was glad she didn't have to explain further. Having to leave her home with only a couple suitcases had been difficult enough, the realisation that they would never go back had almost broken her mother. At the time she hadn't understood the finality of it, and when she did it was too late to mourn the loss of her home. Even if they could go back, would it still be home? Could a place be home if had been changed so irrevocably that it had no meaning to you anymore?

"You don't have much of an accent." Tim pointed out.

"My dad's American, we used to spend summers with him in New York." She said. "My grandma got us a language tutor to train the accent out of us."

Not to mention the considerable decrease in Spanish around her since they left Miami. Only her and Diego ever spoke it to each other now, and that wasn't very often.

"That why you speak so fancy?" He teased.

"I just fancy myself an eloquent person."

When she reached the counter to order she was actually disappointed at the imminent end of their conversation. It was nice talking to him without embarrassing herself.

"Guess I'll see you around." She said, backing away.

Tim nodded, smirking at her.

Their bowling lane was empty except for Beth, who was watching her with a quizzical look.

"Where'd the others go?" She asked.

"They had to go home." Beth hurriedly replied. "Who were you talking to?"

"Tim Shepard."

"The gang leader?" Beth asked. "Why? How do you know him?"

"He knows my brother." She replied. It wasn't untrue but it seemed like a vast understatement of their relationship. Not that they had one.

"He's cute." Beth commented. "Looked like he was into you."

"Trust me, he's not." Rose said, but that only earned her a pair of raised eyebrows.

"So, is that your type then?" Beth asked. "Dangerous bad boys?"

"I don't have a type." She protested. "I don't even have a boyfriend."

"Yet." Beth corrected. "We'll find you one, don't worry."

"I don't need a boyfriend." She said. "Or want one for that matter."

"Sure you don't."

"Whatever," Rose grumbled. "Can we go back to me beating you at bowling now?"

Beth jumped up from the seat. "Oh no, I'm winning this round."

"Sure you will."


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Four**

 _June 1965_

Driving through the streets, Tim considered going to Buck's for a late night drink, and only decided against it when he saw the almost empty parking lot. The only people that'd be in there now would be passed out drunk or up in the rooms, so no chance of getting laid. Besides, it was pouring down rain. Instead, he thought he'd head home and hope there was still some beer left. Probably not knowing his step-father.

He'd only gotten a block away when he saw a solitary figure in the darkness. Usually it wouldn't have bothered him, but even with her back to him he recognised her frame. Pulling over, he rolled down the passenger window to call out her name. No response. He called her again and this time she looked up at him.

"Tim?" She asked with a weak voice. "What're you doing here?"

"Could ask you the same thing?" He replied. "You need a ride home?"

She shook her head. "I'm fine."

"Rose." He said, his voice softer than usual. "Your house is the other direction."

"Oh." She mumbled. Looking around as if she expected another offer to jump out of the darkness, she finally nodded.

Once she was in the car Tim could finally get a good look at her. She was wearing a skirt shorter than anything he'd seen her in, and by her smudged and makeup and proximity to Buck's, he guessed that's where she'd left. The mismatched buttoning on her top told him exactly what she'd been doing there.

He wanted to say he didn't care but it'd be a lie. Not when she stared at the floor with that far-off look she sometimes got. Like her mind had decided to up and leave her body behind, disappearing to a place where it didn't have to deal with anything for awhile. Or maybe deal with everything all at once.

"You were at Buck's?" He asked, getting only a small nod in response. "What happened?"

Rose looked at him and sneered, "What always happens at Buck's."

Those weren't her words. Nothing about her in that moment was her.

"Who?" Tim demanded.

"It doesn't matter." She shook her head. "Nothing you can do about it now."

There were a lot of things Tim could do about it, and he supposed they were the reason she was being so tight-lipped.

Rose wasn't planning on giving up any information, and she was glad that he didn't push her for it. Any more needling tonight and she thought she just might break down. She had refused to cry in front of Dallas, and she wouldn't in front of Tim either. Neither of them needed to see her as such a mess - not least because Dally probably would have enjoyed her tears.

They pulled away from the curb and started for her house. The thought of going back there made her sick. There was no way she'd be able to sneak back in and stop herself from falling apart in her current state. She wanted to curl up in her mother's arms and sob, but she couldn't stand seeing the disappointment of her mother's face.

"Don't take me home." She said. "I don't want to go home. Not yet."

"Where to then?"

"I don't care." She said. "Anywhere."

They could've been driving for minutes or hours, Rose didn't know. She kept replaying the night over and over in her head, trying to figure out where it had all gone wrong. Probably when she went upstairs with Dallas Winston. Definitely when she let him coax her into bed with him. And certainly when he'd kicked her out afterwards. She didn't know why she'd even let him convince her to go to Buck's. It wreaked of cigarette smoke and drunk people made her nervous.

She'd never thought that Dally was the nicest of her brothers friends - hell, even Diego didn't much like him. But he was being charming, and he'd made her blush with his flirting. Tim might've been treating her like a child, but Dally sure hadn't, and she hadn't thought it was terrible for her to enjoy that.

But he was never being nice just for the sake of it. He'd wanted one thing all along, and when he got it he had no more need for her. Cast her aside like she was some stray dog that followed him home and he'd decided he didn't want to bother with it anymore.

It should have made her burn with rage but she just felt empty. Like she was nothing and no one. Inconsequential. Unimportant. Irrelevant.

When Tim stopped the car he dared to glance at Rose. Normally he liked the quiet, but this was unnerving. At least she looked a little more present. She wasn't too caught up in her own mind that he couldn't bring her back to reality.

She shivered, and he realised that her shirt was almost soaked through. Taking off his jacket, he handed it to her.

"Here." He said, avoiding her questioning gaze as she took it from him.

It was still raining outside, but he could vaguely make out the river through the darkness. When him and Curly were kids they would go swimming there in summer. He wasn't sure why it was the first place he thought of, but it just seemed like a good place to get away to.

Looking back at her, he knew he couldn't wait any longer. He had to know.

"Did he," Tim started, stumbling a bit before he could find the right words, "force you?"

"No, Tim." She said. "He was just an ass."

"Oh." He said, relieved. "You just have to learn not to trust people, kid. 'Specially not guys."

Rose looked up him and for the first time her eyes were hard and cold. "No." She said, defiantly. "I won't let him make me like him. I won't let him win."

That didn't give him much to go on for his identity. Tim didn't think any of the guys in the neighbourhood were predisposed to trusting others, and plenty of them weren't exactly gentleman to the girls they slept with.

"It ain't about winning," Tim said. "It's about surviving."

"That's not how I want to live."

Tim didn't think any of them had much choice in how they lived. In his neighbourhood, you had to harden up or you wouldn't make it. Cut yourself off from feeling. Minimise your weaknesses. That was the smart thing to do. She couldn't see that yet, but she would. He didn't want her to, but it was something everyone had to realise eventually.

The storm raged on outside, thunder booming and lightning cracking through the sky. Rose counted the seconds that passed between them. It was a game she had played with her brothers and cousins as children, and she smiled at the memory.

"Back in Miami, sometimes we would watch the storms come in from the sea," she said. "Don't suppose you could really do that here."

"Don't suppose so," he agreed. "You miss Miami?"

Rose shrugged. "When we moved to Miami, we didn't think it would be permanent. It took my mom a really long time to settle there. I don't think she ever really stopped wanting to go back to Cuba."

Miami had never really stopped feeling like a pit-stop on the way back to Cuba. Even when the rest of their family settled down, opening businesses and tying themselves to their new home, her mother had ardently refused. She was now married to an American man for the third time, and it was the first time she would ever admit to being in any way American. She almost revelled in it now.

"I think she's finally settled here." She continued. "Her and Sam are having a baby. And she's so happy here, and I know I should be happy for her, but..."

"You're not happy here." Tim finished.

It was neither true nor false. Tulsa was a monotonous town but not particularly loathsome. She wasn't unhappy but she wasn't happy either. She was stuck in the middle ground, desperately trying to reach one side whilst being dragged towards the other. The struggle was both tiresome and familiar.

"I don't know what I feel." She said. "I don't suppose everything in this town is terrible."

When Tim looked at her she was giving him the same look she had in the park last winter. It was flirtatious and playful, but wrong. She wasn't flirting with him because she wanted to - she was a less overt when she was - but because she thought it would make her feel better. It wouldn't, and he thought she knew that.

"Thanks," he muttered, before adding for good measure, "kid."

Rose rolled her eyes at him, and this time it wasn't playful. "You can take me home now."

Once she told him her address, and instructed him to park at least two blocks away, they set off. She went quiet again, and once again he didn't appreciate it. Usually girls wouldn't stop talking when he wanted to, but now he wanted her to talk and she wouldn't say a word.

"Your Ma gonna be pissed about you coming home this late?" He asked

"Not if she doesn't find out." Rose said. "But if she does, yeah, she'll be pissed I didn't come home by curfew. Especially if she finds out exactly how I spent the night."

"Don't worry 'bout her." He said. "You're a good kid."

"Not anymore."

He wasn't sure if she meant she wasn't good or a kid anymore. Probably both. You couldn't really be either when you stay out past curfew to have sex at a bar.

"If I did tell you who, what would you do?"

Tim could feel her watching him, waiting for his response. He shrugged. "Maybe set him straight."

"You just want an excuse to fight someone." She said, and she wasn't exactly wrong.

"Good an excuse as any."

It might have been just another reason to fight but damn he wanted to beat the shit out the guy who made her this sad. It wasn't a romantic notion or anything like that. He liked this girl. He liked that she stubbornly wanted to be good. He admired that about her even if he knew it would only get her hurt. It was always the good people that life kicked around.

She was still watching him when he stopped the car, and for once he felt uncomfortable. It wasn't because he was being stared at, it was her intense and questioning eyes that could seemingly display all her emotions at once or none at all. Flashing between the two without a moment to lose or any clear reason.

When she spoke his name he finally gave in and looked at her.

"Thank you."

Tim didn't know how to respond to the gratitude so he nodded. For a second she looked like she wanted to say something, but then she slipped out the car. He watched her in his rear vision mirror, waiting until she had disappeared around the corner before pulling away from the curb.

He needed to stop running into this girl, or else she was going to start expecting him to save her every time she was in trouble.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Five**

 _October, 1965_

It was a grim day for a funeral, though Tim supposed that was fitting. Naturally, the cemetery hadn't been packed with people. Tim was more shocked that anyone had showed up to Dally's funeral, given how much of an ass he was. But he supposed death brought out the sentimentality in everyone.

Tim was even more surprised to see Diego Prescott there, since last he'd heard Diego had made a real mess of Dally's face - not that Dally hadn't done his own damage. The story Tim heard had Dally drunkenly making out with his sister, but given the timing he thought it had everything to do with the state he'd found her in last time they met. If Rose were anyone else she wouldn't have spared the hood a second thought, and she certainly wouldn't have stood solemnly at his funeral. But Rose wasn't anyone else.

From the cemetery everyone made their way to Buck's to drink the afternoon, and then the evening, away. They weren't drinking for fun, they were drinking to numb the pain, and Tim was fine with that. He'd learnt how to stop feeling a long time ago. It was easier that way, if you never cared.

There wasn't much in the way of company and Tim didn't mind. The alcohol was enough company for him, but he still felt the need to escape outside when not everyone got that message. He still couldn't believe that Dallas Winston was actually dead. It hadn't seemed real when he'd been told and it still didn't. He kept expecting to see him, for him to waltz into Buck's and pick a fight with Tim. But he'd never get to fight Dally again.

Sitting with the gang, Rose felt as if she were little more than an intruder upon their grief. The kind of pain where you claim to understand but you really don't because you can't share in it. She hadn't known Johnny well, or at all really, and Dally. That was a rather regrettable encounter she wished she could take back. But they died in such a horrible way. Young, and sad, and tragic, and somehow not all that surprising. Perhaps that's what made it so much worse. That Dally's fate had seemed so set in stone. An inevitability in the seemingly pre-ordained ending.

The boys kept a steady round of drinks flowing, but she couldn't just sit there and do nothing, watching them get drunker and drunker thinking it would make them feel better. For a moment maybe. But then they would wake up tomorrow and they would still be dead. No amount of alcohol would make that hurt any less. Any other time she would've admonished her brother for drinking excessively, but she decided to give him a pass given the circumstances.

Stepping outside she pulled her sweater tightly around her, and began to wander around the other side of the building hoping to find some place to be alone. But that idea was burst by the sight of Tim Shepard leaning against the porch railing, clutching a beer in his hands. She'd seen him a few times throughout the night and although they hadn't spoken she knew that beer was hardly his first.

His hard features were stoic as usual. He kept everything wrapped up so tightly inside of him sometimes she wondered what would happen if he snapped. Probably nothing good.

Even when he was brooding he was still attractive. Or maybe she found him more attractive because he was brooding. At least that proved he could actually feel something.

"Hey," she said, as she approached him, although he barely looked at her.

"Rose." He replied, his gaze unmoving. "How you doing?"

"Fine." She said, "You?"

"Fine."

It was as much of a lie when anyone said it. No one ever really meant 'fine'. It meant they were too lazy to lie and say that they're 'good'. Or they didn't care enough to lie.

Rose thought that this was the latter.

She didn't seriously think that he wanted to confide in her. But he had been there for her and she wanted to repay that debt. Besides, she had an awful feeling that the alcohol might induce serious stupidity out of him if he was left to his own devices.

Being nice to Dally hadn't paid off, but she would let that stop her. After all, there's no limit to someone's capacity to be kind.

Rose stepped closer, stopping in front of him. "Look, I know we don't know each very well," she lied. Even if she didn't know him, Tim knew her in ways a lot of people didn't, in ways she hadn't let others. "But are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Tim shrugged nonchalantly.

He really did excel at pretending. In fact, he was probably so good at pretending not to care that he even fooled himself sometimes. But she knew the truth. She could see it in. He was just as angry, and sad, and lonely as the rest of them.

"I know you and Dally were buddies." She said, tentatively, "I thought you were close."

"The way I heard it," Tim sneered, "You and Dally were pretty close."

Her gut twisted, and it hurt all the more that he knew more details than most and still threw it back in her face. Rose stared back at him, her face stony and stoic, an expression she'd recently become proficient in. There was no way she would give him the satisfaction that he had upset her, that he had pushed yet another person away. She was too damn stubborn and proud for that.

"I heard Curly was in the reformatory," she said. "What'd he do?"

"Tried to rob a liquor store." Tim said, the corner of his mouth twisting upwards, "Little shit got caught."

That didn't surprise her. Curly wasn't the stealthiest of hoods.

"Guess you didn't teach him very well." She replied, with a sly grin of her own.

By the way he was still there, she thought maybe he didn't want to be as alone as he thought. It would have hardly been out of character for him to tell her to get lost if he really didn't want her to be there.

"Your brother inside?" He asked.

"Yeah." Rose said, thinking back to her brother who would most likely soon be passed out drunk, "Don't think he'll be able to take me home. Probably have to call home."

"Your mom gonna pick you up?"

"Her or my stepdad." She said, "They probably won't be too happy about it. They just had a baby so they're not sleeping too often."

It was only half true. She knew they'd be annoyed, but they'd come anyway. Even if they were sleep-deprived and and snapping at each other more than usual. Rose obviously didn't remember what her parents had been like when her and her brother were babies, but she remembered what Frank had been like when Anthony was born. And she was certainly glad that Sam wasn't spending every night getting drunk in bars and going home with other women, or screaming every time he was home.

"Boy or girl?" He asked.

Rose raised her eyebrows at him, surprised by his interest and certain it was due to the alcohol. Then again, it wasn't the first time he'd shown an interest in her life.

"Girl, Sally." She answered, "Two brother's and now I've finally got a sister."

"They're a headache." He said, "Your brother would agree."

"Probably."

Although things went quiet between them, she found she could be more at ease with Tim's silence than other's conversation. Diego was usually the only one she felt comfortable just sitting with. He, like Tim, wasn't much of a talker either.

Chancing a glance back at him, she caught him watching her. But instead of embarrassing him it was her cheeks that grew red, and she could've kicked herself for it.

Tim grinned at the sight of her blush, enjoying the fact he could get that reaction out of her. He didn't really know why he'd let the conversation go on as long as it had. After all, he'd come outside to be alone and she'd ruined that. He wanted to blame the alcohol for making him more tolerant, but for some reason there was something calming about her presence.

He'd be lying if he said he didn't think she was woefully naive, but for some reason he found he stubborn kindness endearing. Usually he'd consider it blatant stupidity but hers was charming. Even if she wasted it on people that didn't deserve it - like him and Dallas Winston.

"What happened to your father?" He said suddenly, half expecting her to tell him to go to hell and not entirely sure why he asked in the first place, "He still around?"

"Yes and no. Him and my mom split up when I was a kid and he moved back to New York. I didn't see him much when we moved over, but I spend some holidays with him." She said. "Well, mainly with his family. He works a lot so I don't actually see him all that much. And we don't speak that much when we're not together. But he sends birthday and Christmas cards with money, like that makes up for it."

The silence that fell over them was anything but comfortable, and Rose really wanted him to say something. Anything. If only to take her mind off of her father. She couldn't hate her father because she loved him, but she could bitterly resent his absence. Even if she had attempted to rationalise it. Or excuse, it according to her brother.

Rose had half a mind to ask Tim the same question, he did live with his mother and step-father after all so something had to have happened to his father. But she figured that it'd probably be a similar story of a deadbeat dad that so many others in the neighboured shared. And if she asked if Tim ever wondered about his father he'd just lie and tell her he never spared the man a thought.

"His loss." Tim said, and she looked back at him.

Tim was frowning down at her, his eyes alight with something. Others may have felt the need to squirm under his scrutinising gaze, but she didn't. Even though she could practically feel his intense eyes boring into the depths of her soul, she wasn't afraid of what he'd find. Never in her life had she felt more vulnerable than being watched by him, feeling as if she had stripped down to her core - an unguarded state where she was entirely herself. And it felt good.

"What'd you do with the money?" He asked, and she almost had to physically shake herself back to reality.

Before she could answer, or evade the question, her name was called. Looking up she saw Rachel walking around the corner of the building, stopping when she saw them. Her eyes flicked between them, and Rose suddenly became very conscious of the fact she was alone with Tim Shepard. Nothing had occurred, other than some casual emotional intimacy, but Diego had specifically warned her not to talk to him. Not that she had ever really planned on listening. Or had listened.

"Hey, your brother and I were gonna crash here," Rachel told her, "He's in no state to drive and I don't think he really wants to go home."

"Okay." Rose nodded, having already figured as much.

"Do you want me to call your mom for a ride?"

"I'll take her." Tim offered, and they both looked at him in surprise.

Sure, she'd kind of just poured her heart out to him and he was being oddly caring, but she certainly hadn't expected such generosity.

Rachel looked to her. "You sure?"

Rose nodded in response, and Rachel took that as enough confirmation. Once she had left them alone again, she loiled back at Tim, who was now smirking at her.

"Did you drive here?" She asked.

"Yeah," he said, "My car's parked pretty close."

"You're not driving." She told him, "You've had too much to drink, you'll probably crash."

Whilst he was definitely drunk he probably wasn't so far gone that he couldn't make it home, she just simply didn't trust him to get home safely. She didn't know why she cared so much, and figured that with everything that had happened recently she just didn't want anything bad to befall anyone else. Yeah, that was definitely it.

"Are you gonna stop me?" He scoffed.

"Yes." She said, crossing her arms and straightening her back.

"I'd like to see you try."

"Well, you did promise to take me home, and you can't drive me home if I refuse to get in the car." She explained, "And you don't strike me as someone who doesn't keep their word."

"I could just throw you in my car." Tim pointed out, allowing his eyes to travel down to where her crossed arms were pushing up her breasts.

"I'd like to see you try." She said, refusing to both drop her arms or look away.

Grinning at her, he realised he quite liked arguing with her. Well, debating was probably more accurate. Either way, she sure did look attractive with her challenging gaze staring him down.

"C'mon Tim, walk me home." She said, returning his smile, "I know you're actually a gentleman really really deep down."

"Whatever you say." Tim replied, casually throwing his arm around her shoulder as he steered her towards the front steps.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Six**

Rose very much regretted suggesting they walk when she realised how far away she actually lived but it was too late to turn back. Besides, she certainly didn't mind spending more time with Tim. Not when he teasingly whispering in her ear and grinning at the blush he elicited. She wanted to be annoyed by the sudden change in his treatment of her but she was enjoying the flirtation too much to genuinely object.

Despite Beth's promise of finding her a boyfriend she remained woefully single. The only boys who had paid her any attention were not the ones she wanted to date, and she was fairly sure that her brother's fight with Dally had scared away all the good ones. She couldn't really be mad at him for defending her, but she could certainly be disappointed that no decent guy in Tulsa seemed to want anything to do with her.

After a walk that felt both too long and too short, they finally reached her house.

"Well, here we are." She said, shaking his arm off her shoulder to walk around the side.

"You ain't going in the front?" He asked, following behind her.

"Nah, don't want to wake anyone." She said, reaching out to open her bedroom window, lifting herself up inside.

Turning around she stuck her head back outside the window to see Tim leaning against the side of her house.

"You gonna head home now?" She asked, resting her elbows on the windowsill.

"Nah," he said, "Might bum around. Might get into a fight. Or get myself laid."

Rose found the latter very unlikely considering how late it was, but she supposed there were probably still drunk girls at Buck's. A voice in the back of her head questioned if he'd even make it that far. He was drunk, and grieving even if he was hiding it, and she was sure getting into a fight would be likely. Some sick way of honouring Dally perhaps.

"You want to come up?" She offered, and he raised his eyebrows at her. "Not for that."

Even if she wasn't outright offering sex she was inviting him into her bedroom, and that held a gravity of its own. Still, she'd rather he be in her room then hurt in a fight. That definitely wasn't the outcome she wanted, but then again, there were multiple outcomes she was currently fantasising about and none of them were what she should want.

"Ain't your parents home?" Tim asked, after lifting himself up into her room.

"Yeah," she said, "So don't start screaming or anything."

"I won't," he said, smirking at her, "But you might be."

"Only if you piss me off."

It definitely wasn't an absurd situation, no stranger then having Tim Shepard in her bedroom. Tim Shepard who now seemed to be examining her room. It was small, minuscule compared to her bedroom in their house in Havana, but it was the first time since then that she'd actually had a room to herself. She'd managed to squeeze a bookshelf in the room, but she'd still ended up with books stacked in piles on the floor. Tim picked up one from the nearest pile.

"I got most of them from my uncle. He's a literary professor." Rose said. "At least he was back in Cuba. He couldn't teach in America because his degree wasn't valid, so he started working as a bus driver to save up for school. He's just started."

Tim nodded, putting the book back down. Rose inwardly cringed at herself. As if he really wanted to hear about her family, or cared about why she had so many books.

"Why did you want me in your bedroom?" Tim asked, looking back at her.

His eyes were searching for an answer in her face, but she wasn't going to give him the one he wanted. That is, she wasn't going to tell him the truth.

Rose shrugged. "I didn't want to send you away and have you end up in a gutter somewhere. Might weigh on my conscience."

"You were worried about me." He smirked at her, slinking closer.

"No." She quickly replied, perhaps a bit too quickly, "Just thought I owed you since you did walk me home."

"Liar." He said, finally stopping so that there was barely an inch between them. But she didn't back away. She wouldn't let him think he could get to her.

"Admit it." He said, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, his eyes dark and hungry as he took in her face.

She didn't want to admit it. She didn't want him to be in her bedroom, standing as close as he was, with his fingers now resting lightly against her cheek. That was complete bullshit and she knew it. She very much wanted him to kiss her, but kissing him in her bedroom would lead to other things, and she only partly wanted that.

It wouldn't be her first time, but she doubted it'd mean much to Tim, and she didn't want to be so forgettable again.

"It's okay to say you miss him, you know." Rose said, and when he dropped his hand she was sure an argument was about to ensue, "He was your friend, and it's not fair that he's dead, and it's okay to not be okay. You don't always have to be so tough."

He hadn't moved away yet, but his gaze had turned cold, and she could no longer tell what he was feeling. His face was emotionless but that wasn't anything new.

"What do you know?" He asked, turning towards the window but, with a sudden surge of courage, she grabbed onto his arm.

"I know that I was worried about you." She said, hoping it would get him to show her that he wasn't completely unfeeling but not being surprised when it didn't, "I know I didn't want you to go and get yourself hurt. And you might be pissed at me but I know if you go now then you'll probably do just that."

"So?" He asked coolly.

"Stay." She said, in what barely amounted to a whisper.

None of what she was doing made any sense to her. Inviting Tim into her room, asking him to stay. They were stupid things to do, and she knew that and did them anyway. She wasn't sure why, but it might be because she genuinely enjoyed his company. Or it had something to do with how attractive she found him. Or the fact that she had wanted to make all of those choices.

Tim didn't wait for her permission to he stretch himself out on her bed, and she was fairly certain when she requested he turn away so she could change that he had peeked a look at her. Not that it mattered that much, he wouldn't have seen her naked, but removing any kind of clothes in a room with a boy was pretty serious.

They didn't speak as she climbed onto the bed, laying so that her back was to him. Facing him would mean looking in to his eyes, and she was certain that if she did that then she wouldn't be able to stop herself from kissing him.

"I'm saving it." She said.

"What?"

"The money." She explained, "I'm saving the money for when I finish high school, so I can leave."

"Why?" He asked, with perhaps a hint of curiosity.

"Because if I stay I'll end up just like my mother."

Tim didn't say anything else and she was glad for it. She didn't want to tell him what she meant by that.

Her mother might be content with this simple American life they were living but she wouldn't be. This couldn't be all there was to life, there had to be more that getting married straight of high school, popping out a few kids and spending the rest of your life cooking and cleaning. Marta had wanted more when she was young. But then she'd fallen in love and gotten pregnant and the rest was history. She had choices her mother hadn't and she'd be damned if she didn't take advantage of them.

Of all things she'd said that night it seemed that made him the most uncomfortable. Given the way he shifted beside her, avoiding her gaze when she glanced towards him.

"Thanks for walking me home." She said, "That was really decent of you. Most guys would have told me to beat it long before then."

"You're just not hanging out with the right guys."

"Maybe not." She muttered, looking straight into his eyes. "Is this the part where you say you're the right guy?"

"Maybe I am." He replied, leaning his face closer. He gave her enough time to pull away, but by the way her eyes flicked down to his lips he knew that wasn't what he wanted.

Tim may have initiated the kiss but Rose eagerly returned it. He thought she had probably wanted to kiss him as many times as he had wanted to kiss her since they met. His hands slipped under her dress to grip her waist as he moved to hover over her, pulling back for a moment. Their faces were close enough that could feel her hot breath, and when their eyes met she smiled softly up at him.

This time she pulled him down into the kiss. If it wasn't already clear that she wanted him by their shared desperation in getting each other's clothes off, it certainly was by the moans she was stifled against his shoulder.

Once they'd finished he rolled onto his back, and Rose turned away from him. She was silent but she kept sending him furtive glances. He figured her sudden modesty had more to do with what happened with Dally than anything he had done, because he was certain she had enjoyed herself. Usually that was the limits of his caring, if that, but it was different with Rose. For some reason, he didn't want to see her look the way she did that night, and he defintely didn't want it to be because of him.

"I'm just going to the bathroom." She mumbled, getting up from the bed and pulling her clothes back on. "I'll be back."

When she returned to the room she couldn't help her surprise to find Tim still in her bed. She had heard he was more of a love 'me and leave 'em kind of guy, and since this was her bedroom he could hardly kick her out. Climbing in beside him, she was also rather surprised that he let her almost cuddle into him. He definitely wasn't cuddling her back, and the proximity could simply be because of the smallness of the bed. But still, it was nice.

It was the first time she really got to look at him properly, having been a little busy when she'd first pulled off his shirt. He was well-built, and covered in scars of varying sizes. She wanted desperately to reach out and touch them, but wasn't sure of how that would go down with him.

"You checking me out?" He asked, with his sly grin.

"Checking out your scars." She corrected, and she saw his jaw tense, his face turning away from her.

She didn't think it was a good idea when she reached up to lay her hand against his cheek, her thumb running along the scar. But he did nothing more than stare at her with suspicion. Emboldened by his seeming lack of reaction, she pressed a soft kiss against the bottom of the scar.

"I think you're still handsome." She told him, not waiting for his response before laying back down, her back to him.

Thinking the conversation was over, she closed her eyes, unsure of how she would fall asleep with the unfamiliar sensation of a person next to her. She hoped he wasn't a snorer, because that would be difficult to explain to her family. Tim, however, clearly wasn't as tired as she was.

"You got a boyfriend?"

Rose turned over to give him a baffled look, as if the question seemed absurd to her. Tim didn't understand why she'd think that, and he understood why he was asking even less. It wasn't like _he_ wanted to date her, he was just curious - drunk and tired too, a combination that always had him saying more than he wanted. She'd been living in Tulsa for more than a year now, but aside from Dally, he hadn't heard about her getting any male attention. It didn't make sense to him. She was pretty, smart, not a bore to be around and was clearly willing to put out.

"You think if I had a boyfriend you'd be in my bed right now?" She asked, incredulously.

"True." He conceded. "You ever had a boyfriend?"

"Not really. No. I haven't." She admitted, rolling onto her side to face him. "I think my brother keeps scaring all the guys away. Guess that's the prerogative of an older brother."

Of that Tim was sure. The number of guys he'd had to scare away from Angela made him certain of it. He didn't hate doing it either, no matter what he told her.

He tried not to read too much into what she said but he couldn't help himself. If it was true - which he knew it was - then he was probably the only guy she'd been with since June. There could have been others but he doubted it. He would've heard about it otherwise, and she didn't seem the type to sleep around. On the other hand, she had been pretty eager to jump into bed with him, and she had slept with Dally.

"Have you ever had a girlfriend?"

Rose didn't know why she wanted to know. It wasn't like she expected him to ask her out or anything, but he had stayed and that had to count for something. Even if it only meant he liked her a bit more than all those other girls.

"Guess not." He replied.

"Really? You've never had a girlfriend and you're..." Rose trailed off. "Tim, how old are you?"

"18." He answered. "Next month."

"Oh, okay." She mumbled, watching him watch her with those intense blue eyes. She thought she could very well get lost in those eyes of his. "Do you do that with everyone?"

"Do what?"

"Always look in their eyes when you're talking them." She clarified. "I like it."

"Why?" He asked, suspiciously.

"Makes you look honest." She said. "Even when you're lying you look me in the eye. That takes nerve."

"When have I ever lied to you?" He asked, frowning as if he was actually offended by the suggestion.

Rose shrugged. "Everyone lies. I just figured you weren't an exception to that."

"I ain't ever lied to you, kid." He promised and she nodded. Rose doubted the statement was entirely true because he had to have told her a few white lies along the way. But he had yet to lie about anything that mattered.

"I don't think you can still call me kid considering we just had sex." She pointed out.

Tim chuckled. "I don't 'spose I can."

"You probably will anyway."

"Probably."

The conversation was over but she didn't want to leave it there. Pushing herself up she pressed her lips against hers. This kiss was different then before. It was almost chaste but with his hands at her waist and hers on his chest, it felt almost more intimate than what they'd just done. When she pulled away Tim was watching her with an indecipherable expression.

"Goodnight, Tim." She whispered, turning over and closing her eyes.

Even after she fell asleep Tim stayed awake for awhile, watching her. She looked so young to him. They were only two years apart - not even really - but she was so innocent that he felt almost elderly compared to her. She wasn't innocent in every way, that he'd just discovered, but she was far more trusting and hopeful than he ever remembered being.

She moved in her sleep and the hem of her dress rose up. He wanted to slip his hand under it again, and thought about waking her up for round two but decided against it. Then he thought about slipping out the window as she slept. It'd be easier that way. He wouldn't have to deal with her watching him with those eyes of hers, disappointed and sad, perhaps even resigned. It'd be the same reaction no matter what he did.

Yet he kept laying there, allowing her to press herself against him. He should've wanted to leave but he didn't. Not that he wanted a relationship with this girl, or anything like that. They'd had their fun, and now he knew what she was like in bed he guessed he could stop thinking about her in that way. Once was usually enough for him. He was only staying because it was late, he was tired, and this was as good a place as any to sleep. Tomorrow they'd be finished with their little flirtation, and how she dealt with that was her problem. He didn't even really know why he'd slept with, except for the fact that life is short and when a good-looking girl lets you into her bed you take what she's willing to give. And turns out Rose was willing to give him a whole lot.

Leaning over her, he flicked off the lamp. Settling in to sleep he gave in to the smallness of the bed and reluctantly slipped his arm around her. She was cold in his arms so he pulled the blanket to cover more of them. She must've been thankful because she snuggled into him. This was all too much for Tim but he was in too deep to leave now, he'd have to wait to morning to make his escape. With that in mind he let himself fall into sleep.

The night had been full of surprises for Rose, but the perhaps most surprising event was waking up to find Tim still in her bed, his arm even resting across her. Though, that may very well have only been because of the fact he was still asleep and therefore hadn't actually gotten the chance to ditch her. Glancing up at the clock she knew she had to start getting ready for school. Then again, she also very much wanted to stay in bed with Tim. But she knew she couldn't miss school just for a little while longer with someone who wasn't even her boyfriend. And she was pretty sure he never would be, no matter what she had to say on the matter.

Tim didn't budge when she got up, or when she bustled around the room getting ready. It was only when she called out his name, poking him gently in the stomach that he finally opened his eyes.

"Why're you up this early?"

"I have school." She answered, "And unless you want to hang out with my mom and baby sister, you should probably get going."

"Skip school." He said, grabbing her hand to pull her closer.

"No." She said firmly, but pleased that he too wasn't quite ready to part ways, "I have to go."

"Alright then." He said, getting up and beginning to gather his clothes from her floor.

It had been so easy last night to pretend that none of this meant everything. To act like she didn't care what he would do when she so obviously did. After everything they shared last night - and all those other times - it couldn't just mean nothing. She couldn't just be some girl he slept with one time, that was an over-simplification that felt undignified to her. But she was fairly certain that's all she'd ever be to him. She knew how the rest of the morning go and she couldn't let him have the upper hand. If someone was going to make that call it was going to be her.

"Am I right in guessing if I asked you to call you wouldn't?" She asked, very much wishing that he would tell her she was wrong but he simply shrugged, "I'm also guessing this is the part where you say it was fun but you're just not a relationship kinda guy."

"You already had this talk then?" He asked, smirking at her as he pulled his shirt over his head.

"Please don't ruin this by being an asshole." She said, and she could've sworn she saw a little bit of guilt flash through his eyes.

"Guess I'll just see you around then."

"Guess so." Rose muttered, and it was only when he was half-out her window that she called out her name, "Can you not tell anyone about this?" She asked, "I'm not ashamed or anything, I just want to keep it between us."

It was only a half-lie. She didn't regret sleeping with him but she didn't want him gloating to his friends about it. Everything with Dally was bad enough, she couldn't take that from Tim. There was also a part of her that wanted keep the night to themselves, something personal that only they knew. Not necessarily a secret just something private, something they didn't have to tell anyone else.

"You have my word." He nodded, and she believed him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Seven**

 _January, 1966_

The first day back at school after Winter Break was passing just as uneventfully as any other, but Rose found herself wishing it was passing faster. It was lunchtime and she was sitting across from her best friend, who was almost mournfully watching a boy a few tables away from them. Beth had been her best friend since their first day of high school, and a few months ago she had decided that Jimmy Bennett was the one she wanted. Unfortunately for her, he had never paid her any mind.

"You can do so much better than Jimmy," Rose said. "I don't know why you waste your time on him."

"Maybe I want a bad boy of my own." Beth replied, finally looking away from Jimmy to wag her eyebrows at Rose.

Beth had been the only person she told about that night, and ever since then she'd been convinced that her and Tim were meant to be. She was certainly the hopeless romantic of the two of them.

"Cause that went so well for me." Rose scoffed.

"Please," Beth said, "You're basically like star-crossed lovers, or something."

"You do realise that means we're fated to never be together." She pointed out, "Proving my point. Besides, it was never anything more than sex."

Now it was Beth's turn to scoff. "If that was really the case you wouldn't still be thinking about him."

While she may think about Tim far more than she would have liked she never doubted that she had done the right thing. She knew that, given the chance, she could fall madly in love with Tim Shepard and that wouldn't do anyone any good. Not to mention she very much doubted that Tim was in any way capable of feeling anything even close to love for someone who wasn't his brother or sister. He craved control too much. It scared him - the idea of something, or someone, having any power over him.

"I'd much rather we talk about anything else." Rose said, "Anything other than boys."

"How's your job at the grocery store going?" Beth conceded,

"I had to clean up some kid's vomit the other day."

"That's disgusting." Beth replied, "You know what else is disgusting, the fact the girl in the stall next to me earlier today was doing a number two."

"It's not exactly like she could help it." She said, "When you gotta go, you gotta go."

"No." Beth replied, "No one should do number twos in public bathrooms. I don't want to have to smell it. Wait til you get home like a civilised person."

"What if they have diarrhoea?"

"Then they shouldn't be at school in the first place." Beth said, "And don't act like you don't think the same, because we both know everyone secretly thinks that."

"Whatever you say." Rose laughed, "How is it that we started talking about people shitting?"

"Hey, you're the one that directed this conversation." Beth said, holding her hands up, "I would've been satisfied with you finally giving me details about exactly what Tim Shepard's like in bed, but it's been months and you still won't spill."

"And I never will." She affirmed. Even if Beth knew, she still wanted to keep some things to herself, like just how much she enjoyed cuddling into his side. Not that those were the details Beth wanted to hear. "Now can we go back to talking about shit."

"Actually, I think we should talk about the way Billy Taylor's been watching you all lunch." Beth said, jerking her head towards.

Glancing across the room, sure enough Billy was not so subtly watching them. When he caught her looking he waved, and she gave him a quick wave back.

"How could you even tell when you've been mooning over Jimmy?" Rose asked.

"I'm observant. Anyway, Billy, what do we think?" Beth asked. "He's cute. He's nice. He likes you."

"He does not." Rose objected. "He's just being nice cause he's friends with my brother."

"Well, he's heading this way." Beth said. "And if asks you out I vote you say yes."

"This isn't a democracy." Rose attempted to object, but was hushed by Beth as Billy approached the table.

"Hey Rose, Beth," he greeted. "Can I sit?"

"I was just about to leave, actually." Beth said, standing up. "You can keep Rose company."

Rose glared at Beth as she walked away but received only a thumbs up in return. She was just trying to be a good friend, but Rose couldn't help but resent her for leaving her alone with a guy who definitely liked her.

Looking back at Billy, who was now smiling broadly at her, she was entirely put-off by the idea of him liking her. He really was cute, with his sandy blonde hair, blue eyes, and broad shoulders. He was also always nice to her. Carrying her books and walking her to class. Actually giving her the time of day when most of her brother's friends dismissed her as nothing more than Diego's annoying little sister.

Best of all, he was nothing like Tim.

"Hi, Billy." She nodded. "How was your holiday?"

"It was good. Wish it was longer." He replied. "You?"

"Yeah, yeah it was good."

Billy cleared his throat. "So, uh, I was thinking, maybe you'd want to hang out sometime. Just you and me?"

"Like a date?" She asked, her heart hammering.

"Yeah," he quickly replied. "I mean, if that's what you want, if you don't,"

"I do." She said. "I mean, that's sound nice."

"Great." He said as the bell rang. "So I'll pick you up this Saturday. 6?"

Rose nodded nervously. "Okay?"

"D'you want me to walk you to class?" He asked, hopefully.

She shook her head, standing up. "No, it's fine. I'll see you on Saturday."

Rose couldn't stop smiling as she practically scurried away to a now squealing Beth. She thought her best friend was almost as excited as her.

"Now we just have to get Jimmy to ask you out." Rose teased.

"If only." Beth groaned, linking their arms. "Best get to class so we can plan your outfit."

Rose laughed as she let Beth steer her away. This was the happiest she'd been in awhile, and all because she finally wasn't thinking about Tim.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Eight**

 _May 1966_

The Dingo was far too crowded for her liking, mainly full of her chattering schoolmates. With only a few weeks left of school everyone was itching for it to be summer already, and Rose was definitely one of them. She couldn't wait until she didn't have to go to school and face Billy's puppy dog expression every time they saw each other. It was slowly ebbing away at her resolve to keep this break-up permanent, and she didn't know how much longer she could hold up. He always wore her down eventually. It was too easy to take him back.

Of course he had to go and offer to have the birthday party she didn't even want at his house. He just had to swoop in and play the knight-in-shining armour. She knew she couldn't be bitter at him for it, he was only doing what he thought she wanted after all.

"What're you stewing over?" Beth asked.

"Billy." Rose said. "Was I overreacting?"

Beth shrugged. "Probably not. But he is more clueless than most guys. He never means to piss you off."

"I know." She agreed. "And he did buy me those chocolates to apologise."

"The ones you hate." Beth pointed out.

"He was trying."

Beth sighed. "Look, Rose, I don't know what to tell you. Take him back, don't take him back, it's up to you. He's crazy about you, and he's a good guy."

Rose opened her mouth to reply but was interrupted by Curly Shepard sliding into the booth next to her.

"What're you two lovely ladies talking about?" He drawled, grinning at them.

"The introduction of uniform daylight savings in America." Rose replied. "Thoughts?"

"I love it when you talk smart to me." He winked at her, and she rolled her eyes at him.

Curly wasn't nearly as annoying as she pretended he was, she actually found him rather entertaining. He might look a hell of a lot like Tim but they were almost polar opposites, and for that she was thankful.

"What're you doing here, Curly?" Beth asked, somewhat hopefully, and Rose knew she wanted to see if Jimmy was with him.

"Meeting Tim." He replied, reaching his arm across the back of the booth. With her already leaning forward they weren't touching, but it was still a fairly forward move.

"What for?" Rose asked, keeping her voice disinterested.

"Oh, we - " Curly started, but was interrupted by a hand thwacking him on the back of the head. Looking up, Rose found the culprit, and her breath hitched in her throat.

It had been eight long months since they'd been together but Rose couldn't stop her heart from hammering at the sight of him. She'd seen him from afar a couple of times but they hadn't actually spoken. And here he was, standing a few feet away from her looking way too attractive, and all she could too was subtly stare.

"Why are you bothering these two?" Tim asked. He may have been addressing both of them, but Rose was the one he was watching. If she were standing she was sure her legs would've turned to jelly.

"Oh, he wasn't bothering us." Beth said, a glint in her eyes that made Rose nervous. "We were just talking about Rose's birthday party this Saturday."

"When was your birthday?" Curly asked.

"Two days ago."

"Oh, happy birthday." Curly grinned at her, and she couldn't be mad when he was being so genuinely nice.

Glancing up at Tim, she saw he was watching her cautiously. She fidgeted under his gaze and looked away. She wanted him to stop staring at her, if only because he was making it fairly obvious that something happened between them. But Beth already knew and Curly was completely oblivious so she supposed it could be worse.

"You should come to the party." Beth told Curly. "You can come too, Tim."

Rose narrowed her eyes at her best friend, who gave her a knowing smile in return. This had been her plan all along, and Rose wanted to kick her for it. None of this would help her with Billy, and it certainly wouldn't make things less awkward with Tim.

"Where is it?" Curly asked, eagerly.

"At Billy Taylor's house." Beth replied.

Curly frowned at Rose. "I thought he dumped you?"

"I broke up with him." She clarified. "And he's just doing Diego a favour, that's all. They're friends."

Beth snorted. "He's trying to get you back. He's been trying to get you back since you broke up with you."

"Whatever." Rose grumbled.

As Beth gave Curly the details, Rose couldn't help but look at Tim. His expression was painfully neutral but she knew he was thinking, he was always thinking. About what she couldn't be sure, but she hoped it was her. Anything at all. Her birthday. Her having a boyfriend. She didn't care what he thought so long as it somehow tangibly connected to her, because he was all she could think about in that moment.

"C'mon, Curly, we gotta go." He finally said, grabbing ahold of his brother's shoulder and practically dragging him out of the booth.

"See you on Saturday." Curly called out as Tim pulled him towards the door.

Once they were outside, Rose turned to glare at Beth. "What the hell was that?"

"That was me inviting the guy you're still obviously into, to your birthday party." Beth said. "So Billy'll be there, and Tim, and you can figure out which one you want."

"You're just hoping that Curly'll bring Jimmy." Rose said, bitterly.

"Maybe." Beth shrugged. "But you can thank me for this later."

Rose scoffed, but she couldn't help wondering if maybe Beth's idea wasn't so crazy after all.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Nine**

 _May 1966_

The party was in full swing but Rose just couldn't find it in her to enjoy herself. Everyone else was having fun - getting drunk, dancing or making out in dark corners. None of that appealed very much to Rose in that moment, though she thought Billy was hoping for the latter to occur between them before the night was over. He'd been so attentive that she couldn't keep pretending this wasn't some ploy to get her back. It was such a sweet effort that she couldn't let him know how she really felt about it all.

At least she wasn't the only miserable one. When Curly had arrived without Jimmy, Beth had seemingly lost all hope in their non-existent romance and decided that alcohol was the solution to her heartbreak.

"I'm just going to get some air." Rose said to Beth, who was to busy talking animatedly to Curly to take any notice of her departure.

Getting up from the couch, she manouvered her way through the makeshift dance floor towards the back door. It was warm enough outside that the backyard was fairly full, forcing Rose to do a perimeter check to find the emptiest possible spot.

Turning the corner of the side of the house, she hesitated when she saw Tim leaning against the wall with a drink in hand. She had neither seen him arrive nor expected him to actually come. What would he want to do at some high school party anyway? It was hardly his scene. And yet he was there all the same.

"Hey," Rose called out as she approached, causing him to jerk his head up. "Didn't think you'd come."

"Why not?"

"You never actually said you would." Rose pointed out, stopping beside him. "You just get here?"

"No."

"Where've you been then?" She asked. "I haven't seen you."

"I saw you. Guess you weren't looking hard enough." He replied, setting what she assumed was a now empty can on the ground. "Shouldn't you be with your boyfriend?"

"He's not my boyfriend." Rose muttered, but now understood what Tim meant. He'd seen her dancing with Billy, and more importantly, letting his hands roam a little lower than you would someone you were just friends with. It was hardly surprising he'd jumped to the conclusion she'd taken him back.

"Why'd you break up with him?" Tim asked, his eyes hard as they stared into her own.

It was a simple question and it should've had a simple answer, but it didn't.

"It was so stupid." She muttered. "He was just talking to some girl, and I got mad, and we fought, he wasn't even doing anything wrong."

"Sounds like he was to me." Tim said. "Flirting with a girl who ain't your girlfriend."

"He wasn't flirting with her. I didn't even think he was flirting with her." She said. "I just needed an excuse to be mad at him."

"Why?"

There were multiple ways she could answer him, most of them involving some sort of lie. But, as usual, she was on a roll of honesty and she couldn't seem to stop herself from telling the truth. He always had that effect on her, and it both terrified and amazed her. She could never pretend around him, it just felt unnatural.

"Because every time we get anywhere close to something serious I freak out." She admitted. "Because dumping him's better than being dumped."

"You thought he was gonna dump you?" He asked. "Thought he was crazy about you."

"I don't know if he is." She said. Even if everybody was telling her he was, it felt arrogant to say that with such surety.

"You crazy about him?"

"Why are you asking me this, Tim?"

Rose didn't know how she expected him to answer that, and his shrug certainly wasn't surprising. It wasn't like Tim was about to get all emotional with her, even if he was obviously jealous. Not that he had any real reason to be, her and Billy weren't together anymore, and her and Tim never had been. He had no right to be mad about any of it.

"Why'd you come tonight?"

Again, no answer. He just stared at her with that confusing expression he sometimes got with her, like even he wasn't sure what he was feeling but he was certain he didn't want anyone to know. God forbid anyone knew Tim Shepard actually had feelings like a normal person.

"I thought you hated your birthday?" Tim asked. "So why you having a party?"

"It wasn't my idea." She said. "But Billy got that puppy dog look on his face, and I just couldn't say no. It made him so happy doing all this."

"Bet he's a great boyfriend." Tim muttered, bitterly.

"I don't know if I'd say great," she said, "but I don't know if I'd say I'm a great girlfriend."

Billy might be oblivious at times but she never was. She knew what she was doing every time she pushed him away - she hated it, but she did it anyway. She wanted him around but at a decent arm's length, close enough that he didn't leave for good, but far enough that he'd never become anything serious to her.

"Tim," she said. "Was I good?"

"In bed?" He asked, smirked. "Why you asking me?"

"Because Billy wouldn't be honest me, and,"

And Dallas Winston was dead. She didn't say it, but the implication still hung in the air.

"Anyway, I can trust you to be honest." She continued. "So?"

Tim chuckled, shaking his head at her. "You weren't half-bad."

"Half-bad." She repeated. "Well, I'm probably better when my parents and siblings aren't in the house."

"So I should come by next time you're home alone, then?" He asked, with that enticing grin of his.

Everything in her wanted to kiss him. Everything except for her brain, which was screaming at her that this was a terrible idea and that she should leave now before she got hurt. Tim only wanted to sleep with her again, that was why he'd come to the party. He didn't think of her as anything more than an option. And even though he made her pulse race and her knees weak, she knew that wouldn't be enough for her, not with him.

"I should probably get back to the party."

Rose gave him a moment to object, but all he did was nod solemnly.

"It was nice talking to you."

Walking away, she didn't look back, she couldn't. If she did she would surely run to him and kiss him senseless, forget all practicality and melt into his arms. He wouldn't stay with her, she didn't think he knew how, and she couldn't not ask him to. It would be inevitable. One day she would ask him for more he could give. Everyone had that point, that line drawn in the sand of what they couldn't give to another, and everyone was asked at least once in their life to cross it. She didn't want to be the one to ask that of Tim.

"Rosie, there you are," Billy called out, and when he reached her she didn't stop him from settling his hands at her waist. "I've been looking for you."

"Oh." She said. He'd been looking for you and she'd been flirting with Tim. Or letting Tim flirt with her. Either one felt wrong to her. "I'm here now."

"You having fun?" He asked.

"Course." She replied. "Thanks, for doing this, it was really nice of you."

Billy shrugged. "I just wanted you to have a good birthday."

"It didn't have anything to do with wanting me back?" She asked with a half-hearted smirk.

"That might've factored in." He admitted, grinning at her. "And? What do you think about getting back together?"

What did she think about it? Getting back with Billy was certainly easier than entertaining any fantasies about Tim. The entire time she was with Billy she'd never much thought about Tim. Maybe that was all she needed, someone to distract her. Maybe then she could forget about Tim and move on.

It was terrible but it was necessary.

"I think I like the sound of that." She said, reaching up to wrap her arms around his neck.

She wasn't lying to him entirely. She did like being with him. When things were good they were nice, and when they were bad they weren't terrible. She couldn't ask for much more.

Billy's smile widened, and he pulled her into a kiss. Even if he wasn't the one she wanted to kiss, she refused to think of Tim again in that way. Billy didn't deserve her to be better than that.

When she heard her name being called out they parted, to see a frantic looking Beth rushing towards them.

"I'm sorry, Rose, but I have to go." She said. "I kissed Curly, and I can't look him right now, and I need to leave."

"That's okay." Rose chuckled. She couldn't help but find the whole situation funny, even if Beth was less than amused. "You want me to walk you home."

"I'll drop her home." Billy offered. "Just let me get my keys."

Once he'd walked into the house, Beth latched onto Rose's arm. "So," she said, "you two are back together?"

"Yeah." She confirmed. "We are."

"You don't sound too happy about it?" Beth asked, frowning at her.

Rose shrugged. "I don't really know how I feel about it. But I think he deserved another chance."

"Whatever you say." Beth replied. "So, Tim's out of the picture then?"

"Tim was never in the picture to begin with."

This time she couldn't fool herself into believing that was anything other than a lie.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Ten**

 _August, 1966_

The drive-in was pretty full, understandably so given that it was Friday night in summer. It hadn't been Tim's first choice of place to go for a date, he usually preferred Buck's with its slew of bedrooms, but Charlie's girl had apparently insisted. At least his best friend seemed to be having a good time, because Tim and his date were decidedly not. Katie had been annoyed the moment they'd picked her up, and Tim got the feeling this double date had not been her idea. Not that it had been his either.

He certainly hadn't expected to see Rose there, and definitely not out on a date with that asshole boyfriend of hers. He'd heard about them getting back together from Curly. He wasn't surprised that she'd gone back to him, and he didn't much care either. If she wanted to waste her time with a shit-for-brains boyfriend that was her perogative.

Still, when she walked past where they were sitting he decided to follow her inside. Talking to her would be more fun than sitting with his petulant date.

"Rose." He said, stopping behind her in the line for the food.

"Hey, Tim," she greeted, giving him what he thought was a rather forced smile. "Whatcha up to?"

"Showing a girl a good time." He said, "You?"

"Out with Billy."

"Took him back then, huh." Tim said. "Thought I told you to start hanging out with the right guys."

He knew it was a low blow, bringing up their night together, but he couldn't help himself. Getting a rise out of her was better than letting her actually enjoy her date. Rose was defiantly glaring at him in a way he enjoyed far too much. He liked knowing she wasn't indifferent to him.

"Billy is the right guy." She told him. "He's a good guy."

"Yeah," he scoffed, "He probably gets good grades, goes to church, and helps little old ladies across the road."

"And what's wrong with any of that?" She asked, "Maybe if you were a bit nicer you'd get yourself a girlfriend."

"Actually girls fall over themselves to go out with me." He said, grinning at her devilishly, "I seem to remember you doing something similar."

"We both know that's not how it went." She replied, raising her eyebrows at him, "I never got to thank you for not saying anything to anyone."

"I promised didn't I."

"Yeah you did." She said softly, and Tim frowned at the sad look in her eyes even as she smiled.

It was the first time he really regretted what happened between them. She wasn't the first girl he'd never called after sleeping with, and she had expected it, instigated it even. But now he wondered if that wasn't what she wanted, if that had been what he wanted.

"What'd you do to your hair?" He asked, frowning.

"Oh, my Ma bought me a straightener." She answered, self-consciously flicking it over the other shoulder. "You don't like it?"

Tim shrugged. He didn't like it, but that seemed a far too sentimental thing for him to say. It was bad enough he'd noticed the change in hairstyle.

"I should get back to Billy." She said, grabbing the drinks off the counter, "I'm sure your date wants you back too."

"Jealous?" He asked, secretly glad that she wasn't sad anymore. Upset girls were not something he knew what to do with, or enojyed being around.

"You wish." She replied, shooting him a grin before walking away.

Returning to his date he tried his hardest not to think of Rose again. It was difficult with how obviously Katie didn't want to be there, but it got easier when he headed to Buck's afterwards and found a girl who did want to be with him. In fact, he didn't think about Rose again for the next few weeks, not until he ran into her brother.

"Heard your sister got back with that Taylor kid?" Tim asked, even though he was pretty sure it'd get him a punch to the gut.

"And?"

"Ain't he a friend of yours?" He asked, and Diego nodded, "You cool with that?"

"Don't think she'd care much if I wasn't." Diego replied, "'Sides, he's alright, likes her a lot."

"Thought they were on-and-off?"

"Yeah," Diego said, "More her doing than his, but they'll sort their shit out eventually."

Now that he thought about it, he wasn't exactly surprised that she'd been the one doing the dumping. She hadn't expected anything from him, so Tim figured she probably didn't expect all that much from her boyfriend.

"Look, I know something happened between you," Diego said, causing Tim to narrow his eyes at him, "But do me a favour, and leave her alone."

"Why?" Tim asked, "Don't think I'm good enough for your darling sister?"

"We both know you don't want a girlfriend."

"And if I did?"

"I'd tell you to find someone else." Diego said, "No offence, but she deserves better than you."

Tim was pretty sure he agreed with that statement, only he didn't like it very much.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Eleven**

 _September 1966_

Even though school had started back up the weather was still warm, and Rose's family had chosen to spend this Saturday at the river. Of course, her mother had pratically forced her into inviting Billy. It wasn't that she didn't want to spend time with him, but it felt wrong to be with him in that particular spot.

They'd arrived early to get a good spot but it wasn't necessary. Now that summer vacation was over people had all but abandoned the local hangout spots, something about going back to school made everyone not want to have any fun at all. At least that was Beth's excuse for not coming.

Her parents stayed on the riverbank while the others went into the water. The current was slow that day, but on one occasion Diego did have to chase after their younger brother who got swept away. Anthony thought it was hilarious. Diego was decidedly less entertained.

It wasn't long before the boys started splashing around. Rose had wanted to join in but she was carrying Sally in her arms. She had insisted that her younger sister join them, the river being the closest they could get to a beach.

Sally was enjoying herself, gurgling away since she couldn't talk yet. She was a cute kid, with her father's blonde hair. Marta hadn't ceased fawning over how beautiful it was. Rose didn't want to be bitter about it, but she was.

When her mother called for lunch they all got out, sitting on their towels while they munched on their sandwhiches. Billy was beside her, his arm wrapped around her waist pulling her against him, and after he was finished eating he rested his chin on her shoulder. She'd never much appreciated how openly affectionate he was in front of others, but he liked it too much for her to disappoint him by asking him to stop.

A reprieve came in the form of football, because Diego and Billy could hardly go ten seconds without it coming up. If they weren't talking about their school team then they were talking about the latest game. Now that Billy had convinced her to join the cheerleading team she had even less of a chance to escape it. This time they were throwing the ball around, and teaching, or attempting to teach, Anthony to kick it. Rose laid down on her towel, soaking up the sun.

"You shouldn't sit out in the sun like that." Her mother told her. "You'll go even darker than you already have this summer."

She rolled her eyes, but sat up nonetheless. Looking towards where the boys were playing, she couldn't help her gaze from lingering at the top of the hill. It had been over a year since Tim had brought her here but she remembered that night more clearly than she would have liked. Everything about it had been disappointing, except for him. He'd been just the kind of comfort she'd needed. Not smothering like Billy would've been, or veiled with disapproval like her mother. She still hadn't told Marta about sleeping with Dally, or Tim for that matter, only Billy.

That was the way she wanted to keep things. Her mother didn't need to know how she'd been duped by Dally's charming smile, and Tim. She couldn't explain to Marta why she'd been with Tim that night, or how much it meant to her, she didn't fully understand it herself. Except for the fact that she'd so willingly shown a side of herself to him not many saw, and he hadn't been scared away by it. And that meant more to her than anything.

"Hey," Billy said, sitting down beside her. "You okay?"

"Course." She told him. He never got used to the way she zoned out sometimes. He always felt the need to bring her back to reality, he could never just let her sit and stare and think.

Grabbing her book from her bag she turned over, flicking it open. She knew it wouldn't be long until Billy tried to drag her attention back to him, or at least something he found more interesting than reading. But this was the latest book her uncle had sent her and she wanted to read it.

Sure enough, Billy started tracing his fingers over her back. It was a very forward thing to do in front of her family but they never seemed to mind. They all thought the sun shone out of his ass. It was like he could do no wrong to them.

Sighing, she put the book away and let Billy wrap his arms around her. They spent the rest of the afternoon like that, and she supposed it was nice. Slightly suffocating but not terrible. Actually that was a fairly accurate description of their relationship.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Twelve**

 _October 1966_

Rose had been utterly dumbfounded at how her brother managed to convince their parents to allow him to throw his birthday party at their house, but somehow he had managed it. Of course, they may have just been feeling lenient, it was his 18th birthday after all.

Most of the people at the party were only relatively familiar to her, excepting her boyfriend and the Curtis gang. But she didn't mind. Diego seemed to be having a good time, being at least mildly drunk and currently exchanging spit with his girlfriend. It was actually slightly sickening for her to watch, from her spot next to Billy.

"I'm gonna get another beer," she said, pushing herself up from the couch, "Want one?"

"Nah." Billy replied, only glancing up from his conversation, waving at her dismissively, "I'm good."

Rolling her eyes as she strolled away. It wasn't as if she was overwhelmingly surprised by his nonchalant attitude, recently he hadn't shown a whole lot of interest into what she was doing. A drastic change from his initial insistence to be involved in far too many aspects of her life for her liking. He'd made so many promises at the start of their relationship, and she was glad that she'd never believed any of them for a single second. At least now he'd never really disappointed her.

Walking into the kitchen where the alcohol had been stored, she leant down to grab a beer from the bucket on the floor.

"Grab me one two." A voice said, and she didn't need to even look to know who the voice belonged to.

It wasn't all that surprising to see him at the party, given that her brother had taken to buddying around with him. In fact, Tim Shepard now frequented her house, and had once interrupted a make-out session with her boyfriend. Something she knew he had taken gleeful pleasure in doing, even more so when Billy had glared at him but had done nothing. Fighting wasn't Billy's style and she was glad for that, she didn't need to feel guilty when Tim kicked his ass.

"Hey, Tim." She greeted, standing up as she handed him the beer, not missing the way their fingers brushed, almost like he planned it.

"Hey," he replied. "You here with that boyfriend of yours?"

His face didn't betray how he felt about that. She wasn't surprised but she was disappointed. As much as she wished otherwise, she wanted him to be jealous.

"Yeah," she said, "Billy's in the living room."

"You know you can do so much better than him." He said, moving to lean his hip against the counter beside her, "He don't treat you right."

As untrue as that may have been at the start, lately she was beginning to agree with that statement. It seemed just when she committed to the relationship - well, sort of - he started pulling back. Or maybe he just stopped trying to push her into loving him back. She didn't know why he ever thought sticking around would make her realise they were meant to be. And now she wasn't sure why he wasn't staying at all. Complacency perhaps. At least this way it wouldn't be hard for her to walk away when the time came. She was good at leaving, Billy had only told her that half a dozen times.

"And you would?" She asked, raising her eyebrows.

She was only giving words his implications. They were vague and awfully confusing but they were there, and she needed to know if they intentional.

"Probably not." He acknowledged, "Doesn't make it any less true."

There had never been any doubt in the truth of what he said. Tim didn't lie to her.

"And when did you become an expert on relationships?" She asked, "Thought they weren't your thing."

"I do believe you were the one that said that."

"Doesn't make it any less true." She countered, "I actually really like Billy." She told him, "Fact I think I love him."

There was nothing true in what she was saying now. Unlike with Tim, she never had a problem lying to Billy. She might have said the words back to Billy but she'd never meant them. She knew that made her a terrible person, but she'd known that not saying them would have only hurt him more.

Now that she knew he'd meant those implications she had to pull back, she couldn't risk getting close to him. Every time they were together it felt she was getting sucked into, and she couldn't let him see anymore of her than he already had. This was the hard thing to do, but it was the smartest thing she could do.

It was a moment before Tim replied, as he took as drink of his beer and seemingly mulled over his words. It was an excruciatingly painful wait, not knowing how he'd react which left her even more time to regret saying it.

"Good for you." He finally said, moving to push himself off of the counter to step away.

She was equally unsure of why she called out his name and grabbed onto his arm to stop him from leaving, because once he turned back she was overcome by a sudden inability to speak. What she wanted to say she didn't know, but she just wanted to say something, anything that might stop him from looking at her with his cold eyes.

But no words came, and a part of her was grateful when Beth came barroling into the room.

"Oh, Tim" Beth said, and he nodded back in greeting.

"I guess I'll be seeing you." Tim muttered, pulling away from her to walk out of the door.

Linking arms, Beth steered her outside, waiting until they were safely away from prying ears before questioning exactly what she'd interrupted.

"We were just talking." Rose claimed.

"Please, you don't just talk with an ex." Beth replied, "Especially not an ex who so obviously still likes you."

"He's not really an ex." She said, "And he doesn't like me."

"Whatever you say." Beth said, completely unconvinced, "But you better not let Billy see Tim giving you the eye again. Cause then he'd be obligated to fight Tim, and I don't know if he'd win."

"You read into things too much." She said, "I've said it before, and I'll say it again. There's nothing between me and Tim. End of story."

"Sure."

Rose spent the rest of the night milling around, drifting from group and doing her best to avoid her boyfriend. It wasn't that he'd done anything wrong, or that she thought she had, it was just that anytime she saw him she felt terribly conflicted. She was just glad that Tim had left the party, with a girl on his arm but she'd chosen to ignore that part.

"Hey, Ponyboy." She said, stopping beside where he stood leaning against the fence, "How are you?"

She'd never been especially close to Ponyboy, although they shared some friends and spent some time together. Not to mention multiple shared classes. But despite all this, their paths just didn't seem to cross all that much. At least, if they did she hadn't noticed.

"Good." He replied, "You?"

"Same." She nodded, "Have you done the homework for English?"

"Nah, not yet."

"Okay." She said, "So, what've you been up to?"

"I went to the movies the other day." Ponyboy said, "I saw that cowboy movie, the one with Steve McQueen."

"I really like that one."

That was enough to get the conversation flowing, talking about movies and books and the movies some more. It was nice and easy, a reprieve from the rather heavy conversations of the night. But then he'd had to leave with his brothers, and she could no longer avoid the boyfriend who was now approaching her.

"Haven't seen you much tonight." Billy said when he reached her, "You went off for a beer and never came back."

"I just thought you'd like to hang with your friends." She said, "Without your girlfriend as baggage."

"You could never be baggage." He told her, reaching out to take her hand, "So, ah, Mickey told me that he saw you and Tim Shepard looking awfully cosy."

Well Rose thought that Mickey needed to learn when to keep his mouth shut and his nose out of other people's business. She also thought that she rather despised the way her heart raced when she heard his name, even more so given her boyfriend was the one saying it.

"And?" She asked, crossing her arms and raising her eyebrow, "He's friends with Diego. We know each other."

"That's not what Mickey said it was like." Billy contended, "And given how you're reacting I'm inclined to believe him."

"What exactly are you accusing me of?" She asked, indignantly. There might be an attraction between her and Tim, but she'd never act on it. She wouldn't intentionally hurt Billy like that, even if they were at the tail-end of their relationship.

"I'm not accusing you of anything. Christ, Rosie." He sighed, but she couldn't feel bad for him when he used that nickname. He knew she hated it. "I don't care if something happened between you and Shepard. I care that I don't know."

"Why?" She demanded, "Don't want to look the fool, having some other guy's leftovers."

"Because people who love each other don't keep secrets." He said, softly, moving to pull her closer and she let him. "And we love each other, right?" He asked, and she nodded in response. "Then just be honest with me."

There were two ways she could answer him, lie or tell the truth. So she decided to do both.

"Nothing's going on between me and Tim." She told him. "It's just you."

It was only half a lie. There really wasn't anything currently between her and Tim, aside from some sexual tension, though she failed to say that there was something between them previously. Billy didn't seem to notice that part.

"Look, if we're confessing things," he said, "I kinda kissed someone when we were broken up."

"Who?" She asked, her face expressionless.

"Peggy Jones." He answered. "I think she's in your grade."

"Yeah, she is." Rose nodded. "Was it any good at least?"

"I'm pretty sure it was her first kiss, so no, not really." He said, frowning at her. "You don't have a problem with it?"

"Well, we weren't together, so I don't really have any right to be mad at you." She reasoned. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"How did I get so lucky to have such an understanding girlfriend?" Billy asked her, and she just shrugged, throwing him a smile that was almost completely forced. "I better be getting home. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Yeah, okay." She nodded, and he pressed a quick kiss to her lips.

"Love you." He whispered, smiling at her with his bright blue eyes, even though the words sounded like an apology. Those were the only times he ever really said the words, when he thought they were what she wanted to hear, and she was starting to doubt if he'd ever really meant them.


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Thirteen**

 _December 1966_

The school gym was covered in decorations for the winter formal, one half designated for tables and the rest was a makeshift dance floor. In one corner people, mainly couples, were lining up to get their photos taken. Billy had offered to take her over and she made the excuse that her mother had insisted on taking enough. He didn't seem too disappointed, and she figured he'd only asked because he thought he should.

This was her first high school dance, and she didn't quite understand the hype. It didn't seem too different from any other party, except there was less drinking and more appropriate dancing. Though, she supposed there was a good chance someone had brought alcohol onto the premises.

Almost immediately after arriving, Beth rushed up to her, grabbing ahold of her hand and pulling her onto the dance floor. She gave Billy an apologetic look, but wasn't all that disappointed to not be spending every minute with him. He'd always preferred a closer proximity than her. At first she'd let him hang around as much as he wanted, then she tried to set boundaries but it was already too late to deviate from her established behavioral pattern. It just confused Billy when she asked for space, he equated physical distance with emotional distance and couldn't understand that she didn't need to be with all the time to be want to be with him. Even if she was doubting how much she wanted to be with him recently.

Billy eventually joined them on the dance floor for a few songs before disappearing again. She was glad that he wasn't demanding she spend the entirety of the night engrossed in him and neglect her friend. Not that he'd ever think of it in that way, he just liked to be at the forefront of her priorities all of the time.

After a tiring few rounds of dancing her and Beth made their way to the tables.

"Where's your date?" Rose asked. "You still haven't told me who you came with."

"Oh, I asked Ponyboy." Beth said, her eyes scanning the room. "But I haven't seen him."

"I'm sure he'll show." Rose assured her. "So, Ponyboy? Not Curly?"

"You're never gonna let that go, are you?" Beth said. "It was one drunken kiss. And there are more embarrassing people to kiss."

"There's nothing wrong with Curly." She agreed. "I don't know who's better looking, him or Ponyboy. Speaking of which, he's heading this way."

"Who?"

"Ponyboy."

"Shit." Beth muttered. "What do I do?"

"Act calmly for one." Rose instructed. "And two, when he asks you to dance, say yes."

Beth might've been freaking out internally, but she did a remarkable job of keeping her cool when Ponyboy approached their table. He looked good with his combed back hair, even though the suit was a little short in the legs for him. She remembered it, it was the same one he'd worn to Dally and Johnny's funeral.

"Hey," Ponyboy greeted, nodding to both of them. "Sorry for being late. Sodapop was working late and I didn't have any other way of getting here other than walking."

"It's fine." Beth said. "I understand."

"So, anyway," Ponyboy said, looking less than comfortable. "You wanna dance?"

"Sure." Beth said, trying to sound nonchalant but the message was kind of lost when she practically lept from her seat.

"You coming too, Rose?" Ponyboy asked.

Rose flicked her eyes to Beth, who shrugged in response. "Yeah, okay."

Only two songs in and Rose was started to feel like a third wheel, not to mention terribly guilty for it. After the third song she made up some excuse about being tired, but the others didn't seem to mourn her departure. She tried to find Billy, but having no luck she gave up and sat back down.

She was alone for all of about two seconds before Curly plopped down into the chair beside her.

"Whatcha sitting by yourself for?" He asked. "Ain't got a date?"

"I have a date." She retorted. "He's called my boyfriend."

"Where is he then?"

"Don't know." Rose said. She wanted to add that she didn't care, but also didn't want Curly to know that. "What about you? Did you manage to con some poor girl into letting you take her?"

"I got a date." Curly said. "And there was no conning. She practically jumped at the chance of me taking her out. Most girls do."

"Poor girls." She said, grinning at him.

The song came to an end, only to be replaced by a slow one. The dance floor suddenly became much emptier as everyone paired off into couples. She looked through the crowd for Billy, he had promised her one slow dance after all, but she came up empty. Not that she was going to let that ruin her night.

"C'mon, Curly," she said, grabbing his wrist. "We're gonna dance."

Rose pulled Curly onto the dance floor, holding up a threatening finger towards his face, "Hands at the waist. No funny business."

Curly smirked at her, settling his hands around her waist, hers linking around his neck. "I wouldn't dare."

They started swaying to the music, a sufficient distance between them that stopped it from feeling innapropriate. Not that that stopped Curly from looking like he'd managed to talk her into his bed.

"Should I be worried about your date trying to attack me for dancing with you?"

"Nah, I think you could take her." Curly said. "Should I be worried about your boyfriend?"

"You could definitely take him." She said, waiting a moment before continuing. "I don't think he'll really care. We're gonna break up soon."

"For good this time?" Curly asked, and she nodded. "Cause you like my brother?"

"I don't like your brother." She replied, indignantly.

"Sure." He scoffed, smirking at her. "You gonna dump him?"

"Maybe." She shrugged. "If I can work up the nerve."

"I'll be sure to let Tim know when you do."

Rose shook her head but smiled nonetheless. "You're such an asshole."

The rest of their dance passed with Curly making his dumb jokes and her laughing along. It was easy to have fun with Curly, he was a fun guy. Much more so than his brother. Tim made her feel a lot of things, but they were all way more serious than her light-hearted interactions with his brother.

When the song came to an end they parted.

"Thanks for the dance."

"Anytime." He replied. "And if you need me to beat up your boyfriend after you dump his ass, I'd be happy to."

"That won't be necessary." She told him. "But thank you."

Wandering back to their table, she found a glum looking Billy sitting there. Taking the seat next to him, she ignored the alcohol she could smell on his breath. He hadn't been gone long enough to get drunk, or at least that's what she was hoping.

"Hey," she greeted. "You missed the slow song."

"You found someone else to dance with."

"Dancing with Curly's like dancing with a brother or a cousin." She said. "Don't be mad about it."

"I'm not." He said, and she actually believed him. He didn't look angry or annoyed at her. He didn't even look jealous. In fact, he didn't look like he really cared at all.

"Wanna dance?"

"Not really."

"Okay."

They fell into silence, which was not a good sign. She'd always thought Billy talked a little bit too much, but he just didn't seem comfortable with the idea of sitting together and not saying anything. Now that he was finally giving her what she wanted, she realized sitting with him in silence was terribly uncomfortable.

Beth and Ponyboy were still dancing, so she had no choice but to sit there with her petulant boyfriend and hope he got over whatever was bothering him.

He didn't, and they spent the rest of the night pretty much ignoring each other. Even when he dropped her home he only gave her a dutiful peck on the lips. And she had been having such a lovely time until his mood had gone and ruined her night.


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Fourteen**

 _December, 1966_

It was dark and cold outside, which was why she had decided to wait inside of the grocery store for Billy to arrive. And she waited, and waited, and eventually gave up on waiting when an hour and a half had gone by. She only grew more annoyed when she called his house only for his mother to tell her he'd been out all evening. It wasn't often that she asked him to do something, and now she was reminded why she never relied on him for anything.

He hadn't been her first choice for a ride home either, and that left her with very few options. Sam was at work, and Diego had taken the other car with him to Buck's, which meant her mother had no way to pick her up. Leaving her with the only option of having to call Buck's and hope her brother was sober enough to drive. She was just glad that Diego had pre-emptively given her the number for Buck's.

"Hello." A gruff voice she recognised as Buck's said over the phone.

"Hi, um, is Diego Prescott there?" She asked, "It's his sister."

"He's gone up to the rooms." Buck told her, "Want me to get him for you?"

"No." She said, knowing exactly what her brother was doing in that room, and also not particularly want to ruin his chances of getting laid, even if it was the prerogative of a younger sibling to be a nuisance. "Uh,"

Wracking her brain for any other options, she went through the admittedly short list of people she remembered Diego saying would be there. Stopping at one name in particular, but she wanted to ask for them even less.

"Is Tim Shepard there?"

Even as she said it she regretted it but she didn't have very many choices.

It was a moment before Buck told her yes, and another moment before she heard Tim on the other end.

"Hello."

"Hey, Tim." She said, "So, um, Billy was meant to pick me up from work but he never showed, so I'm stuck here, and Sam's at work, and Diego has the other car so my Ma can't pick me up."

"And?"

"And, I was hoping you might come and get me." She said, feeling as stupid as she knew she sounded, "Look, I know it's asking a lot, but I haven't got too many options."

By the time he finally spoke it felt like an eternity had passed.

"I'll be there soon."

If Rose was uncertain about why he had agreed, then he was completely astounded by his sudden attack of conscience. Anyone else and he would've told them to go to hell, but he knew just how much she loathed asking for anything, and the fact that he was the one she turned to made him oddly proud. Not to mention the slight joy that at her boyfriend's unreliability. All it proved was that he was right, she deserved a hell of a lot better than Billy Taylor.

Still, he'd left a fairly decent party to help her out. As well as giving up the chance of getting any tonight, having had to leave the girl who'd been practically drooling over him. Jenny her name was, or maybe it was Jane, or Joan.

Either way he didn't think about her again once he pulled up, watching as Rose locked up the store before approaching his car. It wasn't like she was dressed in anything special, he thought she had far too many layers on for his liking, her face was free of any makeup and her hair was falling over her shoulders. The sight of her curls sent him crazy, and he was overcome by the sudden urge to wrap one around his finger.

But when she climbed in his face was as stony as ever, and he put a quick end to those thoughts. They wouldn't get him anywhere.

"Thanks for picking me up." She said as he pulled out, and he merely nodded in response, "It was real nice of you."

Uncharacteristically so, but they both knew that. At first she doubted that he would show, but quickly assuaged those concerns. If he said he was coming than he would.

"Why didn't you call your brother?" He asked, and she knew he was really asking why she had asked for him. Skirting around the real question was a habit of his.

"I did." She replied, "Buck told me he went up to the rooms."

"Ha." He said, "So you didn't want stop you brother from getting laid, but you were perfectly fine with stopping me from getting any."

"You were gonna get laid tonight?"

"Yeah, I was. She had a decent rack too, not as good as yours but nice enough." He said, smirking at her, "Why? You jealous?"

Yes, she definitely was, not that she'd ever admit that to him. Rolling her eyes she simply scoffed at the idea. As far as he was concerned, she was over him, and that's what she wanted him to think. Might make it true then.

His silence and focus on the road gave her a moment to study him. Nothing much about him had changed in the two-and-a-half years she'd known. He was just as handsome as ever, and his eyes were just as cold. It was so easy for him to hide what he was feeling, and a part of her envied. But the other, bigger, part knew that cutting oneself off from emotion was no way to live.

She didn't bother to be overly inconspicuous, given that he always seemed to just know when someone was watching him. It was like a sixth sense of his.

"Can I ask you something?" He said suddenly, his voice sounding so uncertain she could've thought it was someone else. Tim was always so sure of himself, never doubting that what he was doing was right. But maybe that, like so much else, was just a part of his mask

"Shoot." She nodded.

"That night," he said. "Winston was the one you were with. Right? He was the asshole."

It took a few seconds for her to process exactly what he was asking her. Nothing had prepared her for the question, and it certainly wasn't what she was expecting. She hadn't thought about Dallas Winston in a long time.

"Yeah," she nodded. "We had sex. He was my first actually."

"Shitty first." Tim muttered.

Rose had to agree with that. If she had to do it all over again she definitely wouldn't have had her first time with Dally.

"Wish it had been you." She admitted, avoiding his questioning glance. "You were next, and you weren't an asshole."

Tim actually grinned at that and she was glad. She hadn't meant to say she wished she'd lost her virginity to him, but if she had it would've been a better experience that's for sure.

"So, Dally, me, Billy," he said, "that's all?"

"Yeah." She replied. "Why?"

"And I was the one you wanted to be your first." He said, with a self-satisfied smile. "Not your boyfriend."

Rose shrugged. "If if I'd waited for Billy, I wouldn't have been with you, and I don't want to take that night back."

"Thought you loved him?"

"So?"

"Ain't you supposed to want to love the guy you lose it to?"

Scowling as she looked at Tim, who seemed just as unhappy about the turn of their conversation even though he'd been the one to direct it. She supposed there was some truth to his question. Most people wanted their first time to be special and preferably with someone they were in love with. Tim wanted to know why she didn't want that, and the truth was she had, once. But how could she explain to him that the night they spent together meant more to her than any time she'd ever been with Billy.

It wasn't that she hadn't enjoying being with Billy, but it wasn't the same. He didn't know her like Tim did. She hadn't wanted him to.

They pulled up in front of her house, but by the look on Tim's face she didn't think she was getting out the car without giving him some kind of answer.

"I didn't love him." She admitted, doing her best to not look at him, whilst his unrelenting gaze was fixed on her, "I don't love him."

"Then why'd you say you did?"

"Maybe because I wanted it to be true." She said, "Everything would've been easier if it was true."

"Easier?" He asked, but she wasn't about to give him anything more. If she didn't leave now she didn't trust where the conversation would go.

"Thanks for picking me up." She muttered, reaching towards the door handle.

She only managed to open the door slightly before Tim had leant over and pulled it shut, leaving his upper body hovering over her. Looking up he met her gaze, and without a second to lose, he captured her lips in a rough kiss. Not that she cared in the slightest, in fact she eagerly returned it. Grasping at his shoulders, she all but whimpered into his mouth. This was all she had wanted, fantasised about, for the last year and a half.

Longing overtook her, as all her senses were filled with him. It seemed like he was as desperate as she was, his lips trailing down her neck, his hands groping at her. But then he attempted to slip them underneath her shirt, and she finally realised exactly what she was doing.

Pushing him away, she felt almost guilty when she saw his confused expression. After all, she had seemed all too eager to reciprocate his advances only seconds prior.

"We can't, Tim, I have a boyfriend." She said, "And even if we're about to break up, he doesn't deserve this."

"The fuck he doesn't." Tim replied, "It's you he doesn't deserve. You deserve better, and you still go back to that fucker."

"I know." She mutttered, looking anywhere but at him, "It's just, easier with him I guess."

And there was that word again. As if any of this was easy.

"How?" He demanded, and she knew he wouldn't accept silence as an answer.

"Because I don't expect anything from him." She blurted, "And if I don't ask him for anything, than he can't disappoint me."

"Shitty way to live." He said, "Thought you were better than that."

"Maybe you thought wrong."

"Maybe I did." He said, his eyes hard as she stared him down, but for once she could see everything behind them. He was angry, and hurt, and jealous. Just like she was. He wanted something he couldn't have. Just like her.

"Why'd you ask for me?" Tim said, and it was a moment before she replied.

"Because I knew that you'd come if I asked you to." Rose said, her own eyes softening as they begun to water. It had been a long time since she'd cried, and she hated that it had to be in front of him.

"I don't love my boyfriend, I never have, and I don't think he loves me anymore." She continued, "We're not even remotely happy together, we just haven't found a reason to leave yet."

"I think I just gave you one."

She wasn't sure if he meant that by kissing her he'd given her an out. It was cheating after all, and Billy could forgive a lot but she somehow didn't think he'd forgive her for making out with Tim. Then there was the other possibility, that he gave her reason because now she had another option.

That was all he said, and by his silence she understood the conversation to be over. Climbing out of the car, she walked up the steps to the porch, taking out her key to open the door. Sparing a glance behind her, she saw Tim watching her, pulling away from the curb once she stepped inside. She knew the events of the night had only confused her further. What Tim didn't want was clear, her with Billy. But what he wanted was a mystery in and of itself. She had already known that her and Billy were headed for a break up, but this had only intensified her resolve. She couldn't keep putting it off, she had to dump her boyfriend.


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Fifteen**

 _December 1966_

When she called Billy to ask him to met up she half expected him to blow her off or not show up. That would have a given her a foundation of justifiable anger to base the break up off of, not the real reason. She thought it would've been easier if one of them had committed some wrong, instead of their relationship simply falling apart because they didn't much like each other anymore. That had to be the worst kind of ending to a relationship - indifference. She'd take anger, or resentment, or hell, even still being in love with him over this apathy between them.

"Sorry about not picking you up the other night. Just lost track of time." Billy said. He'd never sounded this guilty about being unreliable before. "How'd you get home?"

"Tim picked me up." She said. "Diego was busy and he was at Buck's. There was no one else."

"I find that hard to believe." Billy scoffed. "It just had to be Tim."

"How'd you lose track of time?" She asked.

Billy kept his gaze ahead. He wasn't like Tim, he couldn't look someone in the eye and lie to them. "Just stuff."

"What stuff?" She demanded. "Billy, tell me. Whatever it is I can handle it."

"I was with someone else the other night." He admitted. "I, slept with someone else."

Her first thought was annoyance at him thinking she needed clarification, she'd understood what he meant perfectly fine the first time. Maybe it was hearing him saying it that was actually the source of her anger. If they dealt in euphemisms at least she could pretend a little bit longer.

"Who?" She asked, refusing to look away from while he refused to look at her.

"Debbie."

"From cheerleading." Rose said. It was bad enough she went to school with the girl, now she would have to see her all the time. "Why?"

"I don't know, Rose."

"Bullshit." She spat. "You do know. You had a reason for what you did. It didn't just happen, it wasn't an accident, and I want to know why. Why wasn't I enough?"

"It wasn't about you." He said. "It was me. I wasn't happy."

That had to be the most pathetic excuse he could have given.

"It's not you it's me, try for some originality next time." She said. "I wasn't happy either Billy. And that night Tim kissed me, and I could've slept with him but I didn't. Because even if I was already planning on breaking up with you, I didn't think you deserved that."

"So you're hypocrite then." He said, finally looking at her. "You were planning on dumping me for him."

"Actually I've been planning on dumping you since the dance. None of this is about Tim." She said. It was only a small lie. "And don't act like you weren't planning on ending things either. You just took the coward's way out."

"What?"

"That's what this is. You cheated to give yourself an out." She accused. "You're a coward. That's what you are. Couldn't man up and break up with me."

"And I suppose Tim's a real man then?" He asked, bitterly. "I bet he'll break your heart to your face."

"Don't," she spat. "Don't you dare bring him into this."

It felt terribly wrong for Billy to be talking about Tim, like he was contaminating her memories with his bitterness, and she couldn't let him take those from her. She'd already given him so much. Even if her heart was never really in the relationship, she had tried so hard to make him happy. She'd done everything she could to please him, to be the person that he thought he loved. But he didn't love her, not really, not ever.

"You know what, I'm done." She told him. "Fuck you."

She barely had enough time to gauge his reaction to her swearing before she jumped out of the car. Ignoring Billy calling out her name, she stalked off. Clearly he didn't get the message that she wanted nothing more than for him to leave, because he started following her, his car rolling along the road.

"You aren't really going to walk all the way home." He called out. "It's dark and its freezing."

They were both true but she'd never admit it. There was no way she was swallowing her pride and getting back in his car. Not if it meant she would have to spend one more second in his company.

"C'mon, Rosie."

"Don't call me that." She yelled, finally stopping. "I hate that name. I hate those chocolates you used to buy me. I hate my birthday. I hated you trying to stick your tongue down my throat in public. But most of all, I hate you."

"You don't mean that." He told her. And she didn't, not entirely anyway. But in that moment she just wanted to say something that would hurt him.

"You're a piece of shit," she replied, "and I wish I never met you."

Billy said no more, and they continued along in silence. By the time they arrived at her house she'd calmed down enough to feel slightly guilty for what she said, but not enough to take it back. Billy had followed her all the way, whether he thought she might give in and speak to him, or he just wanted to make sure she got home safely, she wasn't sure. Either was as likely.

"I'm sorry." He finally said. "I'm sorry for what I did, and I'm sorry for hurting you."

"Yeah, I'm sorry to." She muttered, though she wasn't certain what she was apologising for, or if she even should be apologising at all.

"Rose." He said, his voice sounding so unsure that she couldn't help but look at him. Those big blue eyes she'd always found a shade too light were looking at her mournfully. "I know I don't have any right, but can I give you one last piece of advice?"

She didn't respond, and he took that as a yes.

"I know I didn't treat you right, but Tim won't either."

It wasn't anything she hadn't told herself a million times, but it was different hearing it from him. Anyone else and she would have brushed it off, but it aggravated her how Billy presumed he knew anything about her and Tim. It seemed like a violation of her privacy for him to speak of her relationship with Tim. That was something private and secret, something between only them. Billy didn't know Tim, not the way she did. Hell, Billy didn't even know her the way Tim did. A year-long relationship and he still didn't understand how much it mattered to her that Tim had been there every time she needed him.

"If I see you at school," she said, "don't talk to me."

Not waiting for his reply she pushed the gate open. Walking up the path she felt as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. No longer would she be burdened with trying to make an incompatible relationship work. The ending of her first real relationship should have pained her, but she was simply relieved to be done with it.

She was hardly surprised to find Beth sitting on the couch with the rest of her family. They had planned out the break up together, after all, even if it had taken an unexpected detour the end result as still the same. That wasn't to say she particularly enjoyed them all awkwardly glancing at each, not sure what to say.

"Come on." Her mother announced, standing up to face her, "We'll let you have your girl time."

"Thanks."

"You're too good for him." Sam said as he passed by, offering her an encouraging smile.

"Yeah." Anthony chimed in, and she reached out to muss up his hair, "He's a loser."

"You got that right." Diego said, staying just a second longer than the rest of them, "You okay?"

"I'm good." She nodded, "Really."

Diego nodded back at her, and she was almost grateful that he loathed heart-to-hearts as much as he did. Spilling her guts out to her brother was not what she really wanted.

"I'm guessing by the lack of red eyes and in-tact make-up that things went well?" Beth asked.

"He admitted to sleeping with Debbie." Rose stated, sitting down next to Beth. "Then we argued, I swore at him and said I hated him."

"Good on you." Beth encouraged. "Debbie from cheerleading Debbie?"

"Yeah."

"But you're so much prettier than her." Beth said. "Guess there's no accounting for taste."

Rose didn't think the attractiveness of the person your boyfriend cheated on you with made it hurt any less or worse.

"I'm just glad it's over." Rose admitted. Things should've ended months ago. She'd only let it go on for so long out of complacency.

"And Tim?" Beth asked, hesistantly. "How does he factor into this?"

"I don't know." She said. "I'll figure that out when I get back from New York."

"Well," Beth said, cheerily. "For the rest of the night we have tv and comfort food to make you feel better."

"Every recently dumped girl's dream."


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Sixteen**

 _December 1966_

Two years of living in Tulsa had, at least, prepared Rose for the bitter cold of a New York winter. She was sorely disappointed to learn that it rarely snowed in Christmas time, but that didn't take that little bit of magic away from the city. This was her first Christmas she'd ever spent in New York with her father. Usually her visits were confined to summer, when the city was oppressively humid. That she never minded, it felt like home.

Overall, she thought that Christmas had been a success. Aunt Missy was as casually obnoxious as ever, but in her oblivious manner that made it difficult to be too annoyed at her. But it was her Aunt Theda who had always been her favourite relative. She was only eleven years older than Rose, and so effortlessly glamorous that she had always been in slight awe of the older woman. Even her recent divorce had not dampened her spirit, but that may have been because of the generous divorce settlement.

Her week there had passed by in it's usual manner. Her father made his awkward attempts at bonding before passing her on to his mother and sister. Expressions of affection has never been James' forte, and the lack of consistency in their relationship surely didn't help matters. The detached parenting wouldn't irk Rose so much if just once her father actually proved he loved her, any action would be well-received no matter how small.

At least in his absence she was well cared for by his mother and sister. She was kept entertained by Beatrice's stories from her flapper days, and Theda's gossip from her society friends. It was certainly all very scandalous.

With only two days left in New York, Rose was feeling rather melancholic. Going back to Tulsa would mean facing the mess that she'd left behind. Billy was old news now, and she ignored his repeated calls. She didn't need to hear anymore pathetic excuses, or worse, half-hearted apologies that we're more about absolving his guilt than repenting. But Tim was very much current news, and she had no idea what to do about it. Naturally, she sought a more worldly opinion.

"I think this Tim sounds deliciously dangerous." Theda said. "And you can be certain that he likes you."

"I know he likes me, but I don't know if it's more than that." Rose said. "What if he just wants me...for _that_? And then he dumps me?"

"Then hopefully _that_ was good." Theda teased, earning herself a pair of raised eyebrows. "Are you certain you even want more?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you're only seventeen, you don't have to have everything figured out yet." Theda explained. "This relationship doesn't need to be the be-all-end-all. Have your fun. If it works it works, if it doesn't it doesn't. No need to fret about it."

It was easy for Theda to say that from the outside, but from the inside Rose very much felt that this was the be-all-end-all. She knew it was stupid of her to be thinking like that. Even if what her aunt was saying wasn't right - which she was sure it was - planning any sort of future with Tim Shepard was a futile exercise. Guys like him didn't think ahead like that, and while Tim was an exception to a lot of rules she didn't think he was to that. And even if he did have his future all mapped out, she doubted it was one she factored in to, and wondered if she even wanted that.

"You're probably right." Rose muttered.

"I am right." Theda corrected before flinging open the wardrobe where Rose had hung up the clothes she'd gotten as gifts. "Now, let's plan you're outfit for tonight."

"Tonight?"

"It's New Years, you didn't really think I'd let you sit at home moping." Theda said. "A friend of mine's throwing a party. Don't worry, it won't be anything wild. But there will be cute boys there so you have to look your best."

Rose obliged her aunt, allowing her to dress her up with only minimal input. Her father seemed hesistant to let her go, not that she knew why, he'd never been concerned about his sister's ability to look after her. But he'd been rather absentminded for the whole visit. She guessed it was because of work, it was always work with him.

The party was held in a brownstone owned by Theda's friend, and filled with a whole variety of people. Her aunt disappeared almost immediately, leaving her to fend for herself, but she wasn't alone for long. A boy, about her age, soon appeared at her side and she strongly suspected her aunt had a hand in his sudden arrival. She wasn't too bothered by it. He was cute, with dark hair and eyes, and started flirting with her almost instantly.

And she played along. It was all harmless, with an air of frivolity that she greatly appreciated. A nice break from switching between being ignored by Billy and agonising over Tim's intentions. She didn't miss her aunt's knowing smile. This had been her plan all along, pair her up with some handsome boy - whose name she had learned was Jack - and hope that'd make her forget all about her boy trouble. It worked. At least it did for awhile.

But when she danced with Jack all she could think about was how horribly Billy had treated her at the Winter Formal, and when she smelt the familiar scent of cigarette smoke on his jacket all she could think about was Tim. She found herself thinking more about Tim than Billy, and she wondered if that made her a terrible person. She'd tried to fall in love with Billy, she really did. And when she realised she couldn't, and probably never would, she tried everything to please him. As if that would make up for her lack of affection. Still, he was the one who slept with someone else, she shouldn't feel as guilty as she did.

She was feeling terribly conflicted, and perhaps that was why when it reached midnight she didn't stop Jack from kissing her. It was a rather duplicitous thing to do, but it wasn't like he expected anything from their flirtation either. The kiss was nice enough that it turned into a brief make-out session, unfortunately when they parted his eyes were still brown.


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Seventeen**

 _February 1967_

Returning to school had been made easier by the fact Billy had finally given up his endeavour to talk to her. Rose suspected her brother may have warned him off approaching her, but he persisted in sending her longing looks across the hallway. He was paying more attention to her now than when they were together. What was difficult was seeing him and Debbie making out when any opportunity arose. They'd gotten together almost immediately after she dumped him. She'd told Beth that she didn't care who Billy was seeing, he wasn't her problem anymore. Not that she didn't find the speed with which he moved on distasteful.

Perhaps that was only because it'd been two months and she hadn't heard anything from Tim. Rose thought she'd left things pretty clear between them, an open invitation for him to come and sweep her off of her feet. She should've realised that was too gentlemanly an act for Tim.

Unfortunately, her avoidance of Debbie had to come to an end when cheerleading practice started up again. Even though she'd never spoken to Debbie about Billy, or gave any indication she would, the girl kept sending her sideways glances with a hint of bitterness. Today she was particularly hateful in her glares, enough that Rose almost wondered if she had done something wrong. Then she reminded herself that this was the girl who slept with _her_ boyfriend.

After not-so-accidentally running into her multiple times and knocking a bottle of water onto her bag, Rose was getting real sick of her shit.

"Is there something you want to say to me?" Rose demanded.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Debbie replied, innocently.

"I'm talking about the problem you seem to have with me." Rose said. "Which is funny, considering what you did."

"What I did?" Debbie asked, incredulously. "All I did was date your ex-boyfriend."

"Funny, usually you start dating someone after they've broken up with their girlfriend." Rose said. "But I guess you didn't get that memo."

The rest of the team had all gathered around to watch the brewing argument. Rose wasn't usually one for confrontation but there was no way she'd let Debbie play the victim here. Not after what her and Billy had done, and especially not when they knew each other. Debbie couldn't pretend that what she did wasn't a betrayal, even if they were nothing more than acquitances.

"I was just taking what he put on offer." Debbie claimed. "It's not my fault he wasn't happy with you as his girlfriend."

Rose gripped her hands so tightly around the handle of her pom-poms that her knuckles turned white. Debbie was standing there with that self-satisfied smirk and she couldn't let her think she'd won because Billy certainly wasn't a prize. She planned out her response in her head. She would explain how terrible of a boyfriend Billy was, and how clearly Debbie was only a rebound and their relationship would never amount to anything. But then Debbie's triumphant look made her forget all of that, and she threw her pom-pom right into her smug face.

The girls around them all gasped as if she had started throwing punches. Debbie was momentarily stunned but none the worse for wear. Unfortunately, her actions had caught the attention of a nearby teacher.

"What is going on here?" Mr Adams asked.

"She threw her pom-pom at me." Debbie accused, trying her best to look wounded.

"I was cheering vigorously and it slipped from my hand." Rose claimed. "It was an accident. Honest."

"Hmph." Mr Adams replied, not convinced in the least. "Lunchtime detention tomorrow."

Rose shrugged in compliance. The detention was almost worth it if only because it stopped Debbie's gloating, and when she looked a little too pleased with herself Rose scowled at her, twirling the remaining pom-pom in her hand. That was enough to shut her up.

When lunchtime came around the next day she was feeling less satisfied with her outburst. She knew she'd overreacted, but at the time it had just felt so good. Still, she shouldn't be expressing her feelings with violence, that never solved anything. Beth was not at all pleased when she told her, having wanted to spend lunch discussing her relationship problems with Ponyboy. Turns out he wasn't the most communicative person.

Detention was boring enough that Rose wished she was listening to Beth drone on about Ponyboy. She didn't know how people like Curly and Two-Bit suffered through detention as a regular occurrence, she thought it'd make her crazy. Maybe that explained a lot about them actually.

She was joined in detention by Curly, who was taking every opportunity to try and get her attention. When the teacher slipped out to use the bathroom he finally got his chance.

"What're you doing here?" Curly asked. "I thought you were a goody two-shoes."

"I threw a pom-pom at someone's face."

"Now why would you do that?" He grinned.

"Because Billy slept with her when we were together." She explained, grimly. "And before you ask, no, you don't need to beat him up."

"You just take all the fun out of everything." Curly replied. "Can't even tell Tim and get him to do it cause he's locked up."

"Tim's in jail?" She asked, leaning closer.

"You didn't know?" Curly asked and she shook her head. "Got arrested last month."

"How long's he in for?"

Curly gave her a sly smile. "Why do you care? Thought you didn't like him."

"I don't." She protested. "I was just curious."

"Whatever you say."

The return of the teacher put an end to their conversation, and the rest of detention passed as monotously as ever. It wasn't until the end of the day that Rose got a chance to speak to Beth, who looked practically gleeful when they met up in the parking lot. Certainly not the reaction she expected to receive.

"You're extra chipper." Rose observed.

"And you wanna know why." Beth replied. "Because Billy got his tires slashed."

Sure enough, there was a gathering of people around his car who she assumed were assessing the damage.

"Any idea who did it?" Beth asked.

By the satisfied grin Curly was sending her, she had a pretty good idea about who the culprit was, what she didn't know was why. She hadn't wanted to draw attention to him by approaching him to ask, but he didn't share her caution.

"Guess Billy won't be taking that girlfriend of his anywhere anytime soon." He remarked.

"You shouldn't have done it." She told him. "Why did you do it?"

"Tim expects me to look after things while he's away." Curly explained. "That includes looking after his girl."

Rose doubted that Tim had actually put Curly in charge of anything.

"I'm not his girl." She objected. "And you don't need to look out for me to win brownie points with him."

"Maybe it's just a kind gesture." Curly suggested, before wagging his eyebrows at her. "Maybe I want a date."

"When pigs fly." She teased.

"Who said anything 'bout you." He said, winking at Beth. "We had fun didn't we."

"Put a cork in it Curly." Beth replied, linking their arms and pulling her away while Curly roared with laughter. "What did Curly mean when he said Tim was away?"

"He's in jail."

"Oh." Beth said. "And how do you feel about that?"

Rose shrugged. "I don't feel anything about it. I didn't expect anything from him."

"We both know that's not true." Beth said. "Just know, when you want to talk about it, I'll be here."

"Duly noted." Rose muttered. "You want to tell me about Ponyboy now?"


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Eighteen**

 _March 1967_

When the guard told Tim he had a visitor he thought he must've gotten him mixed up with someone else. Curly and Angela had never been to see him in prison before, so he assumed it was Charlie wanting to talk about gang business. He never would've guessed that Rose had decided to haul her ass all the way up here just to see him. He'd thought about her now and then over the past few months, moreso after he was arrested. There wasn't much to do in prison but think, and, rather against his will, his mind kept drifting back to the pretty girl he'd left on the outside.

He'd had a distinct lack of new information about her and it rankled him. He didn't know if she'd broken up with her boyfriend, or if they'd broken up and gotten back together. The fact that she was visiting him suggested she was single, but he didn't want to attach any meaning to that. There was no use when he still had three months left on his sentence.

Still, he couldn't help but wonder about her reasons when he saw her sitting at the table. To anyone else she may have looked confident, but he could tell she was just as unsure about why she'd come to visit him as he was. She smiled when she saw him and it almost hurt to see it. There wasn't much smiling in prison.

"Hi." She greeted as he sat down at the table beside her. He'd planned on sitting opposite her but he forget about that when he saw her. "How you been?"

"Better."

"Right, sorry," she said. "Stupid question."

"What about you?"

"Huh?"

"How have you been?"

"Oh. I've been good." She said. "I spent Christmas with my dad in New York. That was nice. I'm back at school now, and that's, fine, I guess."

"That's good." He said. "What're you doing here?"

"I don't really know." She admitted. "Your brother told me you were here, and I guess I wanted to come and see you."

"Why?" He asked, gruffly.

"Geez, Tim, do you interrogate all your visitors like this?" She asked. "Thought you'd be appreciate me coming all this way. Convinced Beth to come with me, lied to my family about where we were going, had to wait an hour just to get in here. Only to see your ungrateful ass."

She had a point, but he'd never admit it. "So your parents don't know your here?"

"They wouldn't have let me come if they knew."

"Your brother?" He asked, and she shook her head. "What does your boyfriend think about you visiting me?"

She gave him the sly smile he loved. "What does my non-existent boyfriend think about me visiting my former flame in prison?"

He grinned slightly at being correct in his assumptions. She'd dumped her boyfriend and came to see him. Even if she had classified their relationship as in the past, they both knew there was nothing 'former' about it.

"You really went to all that trouble just to see me." He said. "Should I feel honoured?"

"You better." She smiled at him. It was sweet and sad and very her.

Rose gazed around the room. He knew that she liked watching people, but they didn't have much time together and he wanted to talk to her. She was the friendliest face he'd be seeing for awhile. He was about to say something when she looked back at with a strange expression on her face, as if she was stewing over something.

Seemingly without any confidence in what she was doing, she raised her hand to run her fingers through his hair. Tim was sure the guard was watching them closely, and he knew Rose was toeing the line in the amount of physical contact they were allowed. Any other time and this would have been too much for him, but it felt like forever since he'd been this close to a girl and he couldn't make himself put up a fight.

"What're you doing?" He asked, watching her with suspicion. Even if he liked what she was doing that didn't mean he wasn't wondering why she was doing it.

"I just want you to remember," she said, wistfully, "what it's like to be touched like this."

"I ain't in here for that long."

"It's easy to forget." She pointed out.

She was so close, and the feeling of her fingers in her hair were bringing back all sorts of memories about their night together. His mind was clouding over and he hated, but she was so close, and damn the guards he wanted to kiss her so badly. But then she pulled her hand away and he snapped back to reality.

"How long are you in here for?" She asked.

"Til May."

"Oh." She said, looking dejectedly down at her hands folded in her lap. "I don't think I'll be able to get up here again."

That didn't surprise him, he thought that this was a one-off visit. What did surprise him was the fact she wanted to visit him again, but he supposed it shouldn't. This girl had been surprising him since they met.

"Maybe I can write." She said, her eyes questioning as she looked up at him. It might have been phrased as a suggestion, but she was really asking him if that was okay. Tim merely shrugged. He supposed it wouldn't be terrible for her to write to him, might make the time pass quicker.

"What do you do in here?" She asked.

"Think about our guilt and repent." He suggested and she chuckled softly. "I read mostly. Not much else to do."

"Shame they wouldn't let me give you anything." She said. "Otherwise I'd send you some of my books."

"They're probably better than the crap they've got here." Tim said.

"Maybe I'll give you some when you get out." She offered. Tim thought he might like that. "I got detention last month."

"Why?"

"Because I threw a pom-pom in a girl's face."

Tim raised his eyebrows at her. "That doesn't sound very Christian of you. Don't they tell you to turn the other cheek and all that bullshit."

"Actually there are multiple interpretations of that." Rose pointed out.

"So, why'd you throw a pom-pom at her?" He asked. "Why did you even have a pom-pom?"

Rose stared him straight in the eye with an expression daring him to laugh. "Because I'm a cheerleader."

And laugh Tim did, earning himself a playful shove. "Wasn't expecting that." He admitted. "Guess I have a new thing to fantasise about."

Before she could think too much on that, he continued. "Still don't explain why you did it."

Rose looked down at her hands in her lap, wringing them together. "Billy slept with her when we were together." She explained. "I still shouldn't have done it though."

"No." He agreed. "Should've thrown it in his face."

Tim couldn't met her questioning gaze. He clenched his jaw and gripped his hands together. He'd always known that she was too good for Billy. She was too good for him too, but that was besides the point. He hadn't done to her what Billy had. Not that he thought it was an impossible thing for him to do, he just never let anyone else close enough for it to matter. The casual way she said it wasn't making it any better. She couldn't let this slide the way she did everything else. That was the one thing he hated about her. She forgave everything to the point of letting others treat her like shit, it was like she invited it by expecting it. No, that wasn't right. This wasn't her fault. But she was here, and he needed someone to direct his anger at.

"I kissed someone else on New Years Eve."

Finally he looked at her, and was impressed by the way she refused to squirm under his cold gaze. He didn't need to ask why she said it because he already knew. She wanted a reaction from him but he wouldn't give her one.

"Why're you here then?"

Rose frowned slightly at him, like she thought that was a stupid question. "Because I wanted to see you."

Then she smiled at him and he forgot why he was angry. So what if she'd kissed some other guy. She was here now and that's all that mattered.

"Why'd you tell me?"

"Because I don't want to lie to you." She said. "You don't lie to me."

All too soon the guard called for the end of visiting time. Rose stood up and he wanted to pull back down, to kiss her and make her stay, not in prison but with him. He did none of that, of course.

Rose leant down to kiss his cheek, whispering in his ear, "Look for my letters."

He watched her walk away, and when he returned to his cell she was all he could think about. At least now he had her letters to distract him, and something to look forward to when he got out.


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Nineteen**

 _May 1967_

Rose had thought that the day you graduated from high school would be a happy one, if bittersweet. But Diego had been acting like an absolute ass for the past week, and it had everything to do with the arrival of their father the week before. Her brother had joined her on their obligatory two-week summer visit to New York the previous year but that was the grand sum of the communication he'd had with their father. Not that Rose had talked to James any more regularly. Though this apparently did not absolve her of guilt in Diego's eyes.

The tension made Diego's graduation rather uncomfortable. Sam's family had joined them, and were seemingly following his lead it being civil with her father. Though, Rose didn't fail to miss the side-eye Sam's mother gave him. They were all united, however, in the opinion that Marta wanted to take far too many photos of them, but none of them dared complain. As soon as they are done Diego scampered off to his girlfriend.

"Couldn't get away from me fast enough." James said.

"He just can't get enough of his girlfriend." Rose said. "They're sickeningly sweet together."

"And what about you?" James asked. "Any boys you're sickeningly sweet on?"

Rose shook her head. "Not at the moment."

She might've felt bad for lying to her father if the alternative wasn't admitting she was pen pals with an inmate. None of her family needed to know about Tim - though Diego did have his suspicions - least of all her somewhat estranged father. James was being uncharacteristically involved during this stay. A welcomed change from his usual distance.

The next day Diego was still sulking, doing everything he could to avoid their father, and Rose was starting to become concerned. He was usually belligerent when it came to their father but this was a whole new level. Something else was going on, a suspicion that was confirmed when her father asked to speak to her alone. Following him out onto the back patio, she watched him fidget.

"What is it?" She asked.

"I have some news." James said, taking a deep breath. "I, am getting married."

"Married?" She repeated. "When did you even get engaged?"

"A few months ago." James said. "Her name's Barbara. She's a great woman. She's got two kids."

"Were you together when I visited in New York?"

"Yes." He admitted.

"And you didn't think I might have wanted to meet my future step-mother?" Rose asked. "What, were you hiding me from her?"

"Of course not." James objected. "I didn't want to ambush you with it at Christmas."

"Bullshit!"

"Language." He scolded.

"No, no." She told him. "You haven't parented me my entire life, you don't get to start now. And you don't get to make bullshit excuses that you lied for my benefit."

"I'm not doing this to hurt you."

"I don't care why you're doing this." She objected. "I don't care if you love her, or if she makes you happier than mom and us ever did. I don't give a shit about what you want, because you've never seemed to care about what I wanted."

Leaving it at that she shoved the door open, storming back inside, cornering Diego in the kitchen.

"Did you know?" She demanded.

Diego didn't say anything, but his silence was enough of an answer. Ignoring his calls, she practically charged out of the house and down the street. It was terribly unfair for her father to expect her to be okay with him so casually dropping this bombshell on her. Now she knew why he'd been so jittery at Christmas. He'd been planning on telling her but chickened out. And then Diego had kept the secret from her. As far as she was concerned he was just as bad.

When Tim had gotten out of jail he hadn't planned on immediately heading to Rose's house, but after heading home the first thing he thought about doing was seeing her. It was a stupid idea. There was no guarantee she'd even be home, and he didn't particular want to explain to her brother why he'd decided to visit. But then he remembered all those letters she'd written him. The casual ones where she talked about her day. The ones where she poured her heart out to him. The ones that had made him wish he didn't have a bunkmate. And he knew he had to see her, to kiss her, to simply touch her. That was all he'd been thinking about since March.

He'd only second guessed himself when he arrived to find Diego brooding on the front porch.

"What're you doing here?" Diego asked. "Thought you were in jail."

"Just got out." Tim replied. He wanted to ask about Rose but knew better.

Diego seemed to read his mind. "She's not here." He said. "Stormed out of here about an hour ago."

"Why's she pissed?" Tim asked.

"Not really any of your business." Diego scowled, scratching his eyebrow with his thumb. "Look, if you find her bring her home. Don't want her out alone when it gets late."

Tim nodded, climbing back into his car. He wasn't certain but he had a hunch about where Rose was. Sure enough, when he pulled up in front of the park she was sitting at the same bench she had been two years ago. God, that felt like forever ago.

Rose didn't look when she heard someone arrive, but when she smelt that familiar mix of cigarette smoke and cologne she almost let out that sob she was holding back. She'd imagined this meeting multiple times in the past few months and none of them played out like this.

"What happened?" Tim asked, with about as much care as she thought he could muster.

"My father's getting remarried." Rose said. "He just told me."

"And?"

She wasn't sure if it was meant to sound as condescending as it did, but his intentions didn't stop it from infuriating her.

"Because, she's got kids, and he's gonna play happy families with them when he could never be more than a half-assed father to me and it's not fair." Rose said. "It's not fair he's replacing us. It's not fair he's going to have a perfect family. He doesn't deserve it."

"And it's not okay that he lied and he kept this from me, or that he sprung it on me now," she continued, "or that Diego lied too."

Tim didn't say anything, he just let her ramble on. His expression was neutral which she supposed was his attempt at being comforting. He wasn't very good at it, but she'd give him points for trying.

"He's never apologised, you know," she said. "For leaving us. For never being there. And I've always tried to understand but I can't. I can't understand why we weren't good enough to make him stay."

"Sometimes parents leave." Tim shrugged. "Ain't nothing we can do about it. You shouldn't think about it."

"But I can't stop thinking about it." Rose replied. "What if he's so happy with his new family he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore?"

"Then he's even more of a piece of shit then he already is."

"Maybe this is my fault."

"No." Tim said. "It's his."

Tim was right. None of this was on her. Everything wrong in her life was his fault. Her constant fear of being left, her inability to let anyone close, the way she was terrified of anyone seeing the real her. If only he'd gotten the courage to actually be a parent, her life wouldn't be the mess it was.

"Can you take me to the bowling alley?"

Tim didn't ask her what she was doing, he only watched her with his questioning gaze. She wasn't surprised to find her father's car in the parking lot when they arrived. He'd promised to take them all there, and if there was anything her family excelled at it was pretending everything was okay when it wasn't.

"You got a blade?" She asked.

Somewhat reluctantly, Tim handed it over to her. "You sure about this?"

No. "Yes."

Stepping out of the car she scanned the perimeter for any witnesses. When she was sure there wasn't any she ran towards her father's car, flicking out the blade and stabbing it into the tire. A loud bang rang out as the air started whizzing out. No doubt people inside would have heard the sound, so she wouldn't get any with slashing the other tires. Scampering back to the car, Tim booked it out of there.

"Throwing pom-poms in girls face, slashing tires, ain't you full of surprises." Tim said.

Rose let out a strangled laugh, but the adrenaline was soon wearing off. "I shouldn't have done that."

"Did it make you feel better?"

"Yes."

"Then don't sweat it." Tim told her. "He deserved it."

She didn't quite agree with that but she kept silent on the matter. "When did you get out?" She asked.

"Today."

And one of his first stops was seeing her. He looked to be made uncomfortable by the revelation.

"I'm sorry that this was how you spent your first day of freedom."

"S'okay." He shrugged. "They're having a party at Buck's tonight to celebrate."

"I don't think I'm really in the partying mood." She said.

Tim nodded, reaching his hand out to rest on her knee. It was so casually affectionate that she thought prison must have sent him crazy. That long without positive physical contact had to be tough on anyone. She felt even worse now. He was the one who just been released from prison and here he was comforting her. She knew this wasn't how he planned the reunion would go. She figured the image in his head involved a lot less clothing, but there was no way he'd be getting that from her tonight. She wondered what he'd say if she asked him not to go and sleep with another girl tonight.

What did it matter if he did anyway? He'd never do what he'd just done for her for any other girl. She wasn't sure what she meant to him, or how he felt about her. Hell, Tim probably didn't even know that. But she knew she was something special to him, apart from everyone else, and maybe that could be enough for now.

Scooting closer, she slipped her arm threw his, resting her head on his shoulder. "One day I'll be the one looking after you." She told him.

Tim chuckled. "Who said I needed to be looked after?"

"Everybody needs it sometimes."

They stayed like that in silence for the rest of the trip. It was almost serene, just the two of them wrapped up in each other, like there was nothing else in the world but them. She didn't want the moment to end but they had to arrive at some point.

Tim stopped the car outside of her house, frowning in the way he did when he didn't know what to say. She knew he hated not knowing, practically drove him up the wall. There was such unsurety between them. Everything had been easier when he was in prison, and she could write him torrid love letters without really considering the consequences. But now the consequences were staring her in the face.

Leaning up, she kissed him. It was her first kiss in months, and she guessed it had been the same for him. She'd missed him while he was away, and she tried to convey just how much in this kiss. One of Tim's hand settled on her waist, the other in her hair, while she gripped his shirt. She knew where this would lead if she didn't put a stop to it, and she only half wanted to go there.

Rose pulled back, whispering, "I have to go."

"Why?" He asked, his voice hoarse.

 _Because if I don't go now I won't be able to leave at all_.

"Because my brother's on the porch watching us."

Tim didn't look happy about but he let go of her. If she were honest with herself, she wasn't happy about it either. But if she didn't stop them, her brother would.

"Thanks." She told him.

"Anytime." He muttered, and she smiled.

Diego scowled at her as she walked up the front steps, Tim not hanging around to risk getting in between their sibling drama.

"You okay?" He asked.

"Yeah." She said. "Sorry, about blaming you, it wasn't fair."

"Sorry about keeping it from you." He replied. "I just thought James should be the one to tell you."

Rose wanted to escape inside before he interrogated her about Tim but she knew she'd never get away with it.

"So," Diego said. "You and Tim together now?"

Rose shrugged. "I don't know."

"You know how I feel about you two." He said. "He's gonna hurt you."

"Yeah, and I'll hurt him, because we're human and that's what happens." She said. "But maybe we'll make it worth it."

"You trust him like that?"

She didn't trust him not to hurt her, but after everything she trusted that he'd be there, that they felt strongly enough about each other to make everything else worth it. And maybe that was enough to justify the risk.

"Yeah I do."

Diego nodded glumly. "Guess I'll just have to trust you then."


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

 **IMPORTANT NOTE: I am revising and re-writing this story, so if you will need to go back and read the story from the start. Some things are the same while some things have changed. I am also re-writing my other story, Sweet Thing, but will not be updating it until it and this story converge in the timeline.**

* * *

 **Chapter Twenty**

 _May 1967_

After a week her father finally plucked up enough courage to confront Rose about her reaction to his news. Or maybe he was giving her space to cool off. It certainly had given her time to think it over and realise she'd probably overreacted.

"I think we ought to talk about what happened last week." James said, sitting down beside her on the back steps.

For a second she thought he was talking about his slashed tyre but she quickly did away with that fear. She'd been careful. No one had saw her so he had no proof, suspicions perhaps, but no tangible evidence to support them.

"Probably." She agreed. "I'm sorry for how I acted. I shouldn't have gotten so mad."

"No. You had every right to act the way you did." James said. "I won't pretend like I've been anywhere near a decent father to you and your brother,"

"I think that's an overstatement." She said, but he shook his head.

"You don't need to make excuses for me. You shouldn't have to." James said. "I was young when you two were born, and for too long I used that an excuse for leaving you. The truth is I didn't have it in me at the time to be a father, and then when I finally figured it all out for myself I thought it was too late to start parenting you."

She had to agree with that somewhat. If he started trying to discipline them now it would be almost laughable, and Diego would not react well to it. Perhaps that was why he'd always kept a safe distance. Fear of the unknown. That she could understand.

Still, none of her sympathy could ever erase the pain he'd caused over the years. It had all come out last week, but that anger had been simmering away for a long time. Repressed but present.

"You've never been there for me." She said. "You've never been a father to me."

"I know." He muttered. "I'm sorry."

Was that seriously all he could say? That he was sorry? As far as she was concerned his apology meant nothing until she saw him put it into action.

"I understand why you couldn't come to Cuba all that often," she said, "but we've been living in America for almost seven years. And you've never made an effort. Not even money when we first got here and had nothing."

"You had nothing?" James asked with genuine shock.

It had never occurred to her that her mother may not have asked her father for help. She would've seen it as a charity, begging her her former lover who abandoned to save her. Instead she had married a drunk who'd drove himself into a ditch a year later, all to provide for them. Rose tensed at the memory of her first step-father. She would've swallowed any amount of pride if it meant protecting her children from that.

"I was exaggerating." She shook her head. "But we can't keep going pretending that your previous attempts at parenting were even close to adequate. You never spend anytime with me when I'm in New York, and when we're apart we never talk, and it's not okay."

"You're right. It's not." He agreed. "I'll do you a deal. How 'bout that?"

She would've preferred he just parent without the conditions, but she'd take what she could get. Even if he had to make everything feel like a business transaction.

"Okay."

"I'll make sure to call at least every fortnight, if you come to New York for Thanksgiving." He said. "I want you to meet Barbara and her kids."

It wasn't the worst deal they could have struck. Worst case scenario, she'd put up with unpleasant step-relatives for a few days. She thought that was worth it if it meant a closer relationship with her father.

"D'you love her?" Rose asked.

A stupid question really. Why else would he marry her? But then she thought about her mother and Frank. Love wasn't always the sole motivator. Or one at all.

"Yeah, I do. And that doesn't mean I didn't love your mom, because I did, I really did." James said. "I just want you to give this a chance. They're good people, I'm sure you'll like them."

"Yeah, okay." She nodded. "When's the wedding?"

"October." He answered. "You'll be in school, but you can come if you want?"

Going to her father's wedding wasn't exactly what she wanted, and she figured he only offered because he thought he should.

"Nah, it's fine." She said. "I shouldn't miss school."

"Yeah, school's important." He agreed, picking at the skin of his palm. "Your mom actually wanted me to talk to you about something, before I told you about Barbara."

"Oh really," she said. "What?"

"She's, thinks you have intimacy issues in your relationships." He said, frowning uncomfortably. "Emotional intimacy, not...the other stuff."

"Ma watches too much television." Rose bitterly remarked.

James chuckled. "Maybe so. But that doesn't mean she's wrong." He said. "Why'd you break up with your boyfriend?"

"He cheated on me."

"I'm sorry."

Rose shrugged. "It's okay. I'm over it. He didn't mean that much anyway."

"I think that rather proves your mother's point." James said. "You were with this guy for a year and he didn't mean anything to you?"

"He meant something, just not a lot." She protested. "Not everything."

Not what Tim meant to her.

"Don't be afraid to put yourself out there." James said. "Not all men leave. The right one will stay, you just have to find him."

She wanted to say she already had but that was way too personal. Her father did not need to know about the to-and-fro between her and Tim for the past two years. That would mean admitting verbally what she had known for quite a long time - that Tim might be the first guy she could ever see herself falling in love with. And that was as terrifying as it was exhilarating.

Instead, she nodded, offering him a small smile. But that happiness died when she realised she couldn't not admit what she'd done.

"Uh, you know when you're tyre got slashed," she said, "I did."

"I figured as much."

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that, I shouldn't have done it." She said. "I'll pay you back for it."

James shook his head. "You don't have to. I just want us to have a fresh start. Think you can give me that?"

"I think I can try."


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Twenty One**

 _June 1967_

The diner was relatively empty for a Friday night in the middle of summer, and for that Rose was thankful. Being here with Tim was nerve-wracking enough without worrying about running into someone they knew. Though, Tim had done his best to avoid that, taking her well-out of either of their neighbourhoods.

It had been a month since she'd enlisted him as an accomplice to destruction of property. A month of radio silence then he just turns up on her doorstep and expects her to let him whisk her away without hesitation. She did, but that was beside the point.

Still, she didn't have it in her to be mad. He was here, sitting opposite her, and she was too damn happy about that.

"Why'd you bring me all the way out here?" She asked. "Is this the part where you murder me and hide my body?"

"Didn't want to be disturbed." He said, smirking. "And if I wanted you dead, you'd be dead."

"Sure." She snorted. Tim might've been a hood, but he wasn't a criminal mastermind. Murder was a little bit too extreme a crime for his rap sheet.

Even if she enjoyed the privacy it didn't help her suspicions that he was keeping them a secret from everyone else, like he was ashamed of her or something. Hell, there wasn't really even officially a them, which was surely a mark against him.

"Whatcha ya been up to since you got out?" She asked.

"Not much."

If all she could get out him were curt answers then the evening would torturously long.

"Your dad still in town?" He asked.

"Ah, no, he went back to New York. But he's coming back next month." Rose said. "We had a talk before he left, sorted some things out. He's promised to try more."

"You believe him?"

Rose shrugged. "I know it'd be smarter not to trust him. But I have to give him the chance."

A month's worth of thinking it over and she'd come to the conclusion that maybe her parents weren't entirely wrong about the problems in her relationships. All the evidence pointed to her father not being the most reliable, but if she didn't take this leap of faith their relationship would never get anywhere.

Tim looked more skeptical, as if trust was an entirely foreign concept to him, and she supposed it was. A lifetime of being let down had taught him plenty of terrible lessons. Ones she'd hoped he'd eventually un-learn.

The waitress appeared next to them. "Coffee?" She asked, holding out the jug.

Rose shook her head but Tim nodded.

"Cream?"

"Nah." Tim said. "I like my coffee black."

"Like his soul." Rose muttered, earning herself a rather startled expression from the waitress, but Tim seemed to appreciate her humour.

They ordered their dinner and the waitress walked away, still giving Rose disapproving looks as if she had insulted Tim in the worst possible way. Clearly she didn't understand sarcasm.

"Where do your parents think you are?" Tim asked.

"With you." She replied, and Tim raised his eyebrows. "Why would I lie?"

"You didn't tell them when you visited me in prison."

"Because they wouldn't let me go to a prison." She said. "They're not gonna stop me from going on a...from going somewhere with you."

Tim grinned like he knew exactly what she had meant to say, which she supposed he did. She hadn't exactly been subtle but at least she hadn't outright said the 'd' word. She wouldn't be the one to take the conversation there.

"If you haven't been doing much why haven't I seen you?"

The words flew out her mouth before she'd had time to think them over, it was a habit of hers when Tim was around. They also sounded harsher then she'd intended.

"I was doing stuff."

She didn't need to ask what stuff meant to know he was talking about his gang. It wasn't a conversation they'd ever had and she guessed that was what Tim wanted. Whenever the conversation got too personal - for him, not her - he always redirected it. Anything to prevent himself from actually being vulnerable. Though, he did have his rare moments of unintentional vulnerability around her, which was more than most could say.

Taking one of the sugar packets she broke it open, pouring some onto the table, pushing it around with her finger. It was something she used to do as a child, drove her mother crazy.

"Thought maybe you forgot about me." She said, looking up at him.

Once again, Tim grinned like the idea was amusing. After all, it had been almost two years and they still couldn't quit each other.

"What happened at the party, after you got out?" She asked. "Did you sleep with someone?"

Rose figured he knew she was baiting him now, but she needed to see his reaction. If he got angry, or pulled back, or was indifferent. Any of them were possible, and it mattered to her which one he chose.

"Yeah." He casually admitted. "You jealous?"

"Like you were about Billy." She replied.

Tim snorted. "Ain't much to be jealous 'bout there." He said. "He didn't stop you from coming back to me."

"Well, guess you haven't had any decent sex in the past two years," she said. "Since you just keep coming back to me too."

Tim chuckled. It wasn't bitter or anything, it was the sound he made when he found her entertaining. Not funny, but amusing, something to alleviate the boredom. It wasn't her favourite reaction of his.

She wanted to ask why he'd taken her on this pseudo-date but that would only make him pull away. Even if he wouldn't lie to her face, he could still evade the question. Besides, she already knew the answer. It was because he had feelings for her, a tangible emotional connection she guessed terrified him. And the best way Tim knew how to deal with his fears were to confront them, unlike her, who liked to pretend the problem didn't exist until it went away on it's own.

"Why can we never have a light-hearted conversation?" She asked.

"Guess you're just too serious."

"Whatever you say." She replied. "Does anyone actually call you Timothy?"

"Not if they don't want to get punched." He said. "No one's called me that since I was a kid."

Rose shrugged. "No one calls me by my full name either."

"You mean Rose ain't your full name?" He asked and she shook her head. "What is?"

"Rosario." She answered. "Rosario Ana Maria Prescott y De La Fuentes."

"Long." Tim observed. "Why so many last names?"

"In Hispanic cultures you have two last names," she explained. "Your father's and your mother's."

"What if you ain't got a father?"

"Usually you'd take your mother's name twice." Rose said. "But illegitimate children are rather frowned upon in Catholicism, so that'd probably the least of their concerns."

The waitress came back with their food, and for awhile they ate in silence. Rose was still trying to figure out if they were on a date or not. She hoped to God that they were but she'd never dare ask. They had to be. Tim didn't just take girls out for dinner, at least not that she'd heard of. Still, he'd carefully avoiding defining their relationship in any way, shape or form.

"Why'd you leave Cuba?" Tim asked.

"There was a revolution and the communists overthrew the military dictatorship." Rose explained. "We weren't poor, so communism wasn't really to our benefit."

It was a vast simplification of the situation but she'd never gotten a sufficient explanation herself. At the time she'd been to young to understand it - the violence, the fear, the living in a state of permanent uncertainty - and when she was older no one ever wanted to talk about it. Either they wanted to leave it all in the past, or clutch so tightly on to the warm memories their nostalgia embittered them to America.

"You weren't poor?" Tim asked.

"Sufficiently upper middle class. I think." She said. "The idea of serious employment kinda shocked my mom at first. She'd never worked properly before."

They'd all undergone a serious shift in reality but they adapted, some quicker then others. Her mother had been particularly stubborn in clinging on to their old way of life. That had been why she'd married Frank, in hopes that he would look after them. Eventually she learnt to stand on her own two feet and they were all the better for it.

"Anyway," she said. "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"I've known for almost three years and I feel like I don't know anything about you." She said.

"Whadda ya want to know?" He asked.

"You lived in Tulsa your whole life?" She asked, and he nodded. "You ever left?"

"Tulsa yes, Oklahoma no."

"You want to leave?" She asked.

"And go where?" He replied. "You need money to go anywhere."

"Okay, well, hypothetically," she said. "If you had the money and could go anywhere, where would you go?"

Tim frowned. "Never thought about it." He admitted. "What about you?"

"I've always wanted to see the northern lights. Shame I hate the cold." She said. "I want to go to Greece, see the Parthenon, the Colosseum, all the ruins."

"Why you want to see a pile of old rocks?" He asked.

"Because they've been there for thousands of years." She said. "Makes you believe that anything can last forever."

There had always been something magical about old things to her. All the history they carried and stories they could tell - the permanence of it all. The idea that they had stood the test of time, been beaten and battered and yet they somehow survived. She figured if a piles of bricks could do that then anyone could.

"Texas." Tim said. "I used to want to go to Texas."

He looked uncomfortable about the admission so she didn't press him for more information. But she couldn't help wondering what allure Texas held for him. It had to be something, he wouldn't want to go for shits and giggles. She couldn't quite gauge how personal his reason was, she doubted Tim would voluntarily divulge his favourite colour. If he even had one.

"Just out of curiosity," she said. "How many times have you broken your nose?"

"Three." He smirked. "That's why it's so fucking crooked."

"Well, I think it's hot." She said, reaching out to lace her fingers through his. "Can I ask, the scar, how'd it happen?"

Tim tensed, but he didn't pull his hand away. Even though he was frowning she didn't think he was angry at her, uneasy perhaps and she knew how much he hated that. Tim prided himself on being cool, calm and collected, always in control, of everyone and everything. She thought one day it just might kill him to realise there were things he couldn't control.

"A homeless guy busted my face with a broken bottle." He said, matter-of-factly.

"Did it hurt?" She asked, and then wanted to kick herself. Of course it hurt.

"Nah," he shrugged. "I was drunk."

"I don't have any scars. Unless you count stretch marks." Rose said. "I wish I did. The scars, not the stretch marks."

"Why?"

"Because, scars tell a story." She replied. "Shows that you lived."

Tim actually smiled at that. For once it wasn't sarcastic, or bitter, or cocky. It was halfway towards a proper smile and the shock nearly killed her. Tim Shepard, happy, never.

They spent the rest of their time in silence, with Tim's thumb absentmindedly rubbing her hand, sending a small shiver down her spine. It was something so small, but felt like so much more. Everything physical between them was magnified by everything else. All those conversations, every time she'd bared her soul to him and he'd given her a peek at his own inner workings in return.

Other than their kiss goodnight, that was the limit of their physical contact for the night. Even though she'd made that call she was still left wanting. Or perhaps that was why she'd made the call in the first place. It was all too easy for her to fall into Tim. She needed to take things slow, she needed to know he wanted more from her. Even if the distance would kill her.


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Twenty Two**

 _July 1967_

After yet another unofficial dinner date Rose still had no idea what was going on between her and Tim. Were they dating? Were they friends? Were they friends with benefits? No, they couldn't be that they weren't having sex. Naturally, Tim avoided any mention of defining their relationship and she was too scared to ask. She was sure that would only set her up for disappointment. Better to agonise in uncertainty.

She supposed the answer might be obvious if they spent more time together, but she was too focused on enjoying the rest of her time with her brother. Now every moment was bittersweet, knowing how long they would be apart. For her entire life he had been her most constant companion, her closest friend. Perhaps it would be good for her, to learn not to rely on him, to be the oldest and take her share of the responsibility. Might make it easier when it came time for her to leave.

"Can I tell you something?" Rose asked as Tim stopped the car in front of her house. "I'm really gonna miss my brother."

"You thought about asking him to stay?" Tim replied.

"I couldn't do that, it'd be selfish of me. Besides, leaving home's an inevitability, we've all gotta do it eventually." She said. "Would you miss Curly if he was moving away for three years?"

"I wouldn't trust that little shit by himself for three years." He said. "Who the fuck knows what kind of messes he'd get himself into."

"You know, he slashed Billy's tyres." She said. "After he found out Billy cheated on me."

"Did he now." Tim said. "Always thought he had a bit of a thing for you."

"He does not!" Rose exclaimed. "I mean, I did slow dance with him at the Winter Formal, but he didn't even try to feel me up once."

"What a gentleman." Tim scoffed.

Before Rose could say her goodbyes, her father walked up to the car and knocked on the window. Rose nodded to Tim, and he wound it down.

"So this is Tim." He said, stretching his hand through the open window. "I'm James."

Tim eyed his hand warily, and only when she nudged him with her elbow did he move to shake it. His jaw was clenched and he narrowed his eyes on her father. Rose gently touched his arm, hoping it would discourage him from any bad behaviour.

"Did you two have fun?" James asked. If he noticed Tim's annoyance it didn't show.

"Yeah." Rose nodded. "Lots of fun."

"Well, we're just watching the tv." James said. "Tim, why don't you come in and join us, if you're not too busy?"

Neither of them missed the hint of a challenge in his tone.

"Oh, no," Rose objected. "He is very busy."

"No." Tim said. "I can come in."

"Okay." Rose conceded.

The idea of Tim sitting beside her on the couch watching television with her family was no less strange when she actually experienced it. Despite his initial enthusiasm, more like defiance in her opinion, he was soon tensing with discomfort. He'd been around her family before but that was as Diego's friend, not her...whatever he was to her.

Thankfully, her father eased up on Tim, probably surprised he'd actually accepted the invitation. Only Diego looked displeased by the situation but Rose paid him no mind. He could moan and groan about Tim as much as he liked, it wouldn't change anything. Even if her whole family was against the idea of her being with Tim she wouldn't listen to them. They didn't know him like she did, they hadn't seen beneath his mask like she had.

Anthony had decided, most likely prompted by Diego, to sit on the floor in front of her and repeatedly pinch her leg. Initially she let it go, but after one too many times she kicked him in the side. In grand younger sibling fashion, he let out a cry that was innapropriately loud for the situation.

"Rose." Her mother scolded.

"He was pinching me." She protested. "Unprovoked."

"It was not." Anthony said.

"You're not seriously going on about being left in the tree again, are you?" Rose replied. "It was only half an hour. You got down eventually. And it wouldn't have happened if hadn't eaten the chocolate I bought myself."

"Harsh." Diego commented. "Real harsh of you."

"You once locked me in a chicken pen for an hour on my birthday." Rose accused.

"Says the girl who split my lip open when she hit me in the face with a dictionary." Diego replied.

Beside her Tim chuckled. She shot him a glare but it had no effect on him, probably because it was rather half-hearted.

"What about you Tim, you got any siblings?" James asked, and Tim grunted in response.

"A brother and a sister, right?" Marta said.

"Yeah." Tim nodded. "I'm the oldest."

"You seem like it." Sam said. "Rose here has middle child syndrome. It's why she's so unlucky."

"Am not!"

"What about the time a duck tried to pull you into the lake by your shoe." Diego said. "Or when you fell of the ladder to the treehouse and broke your arm."

"I fell off because you were shaking the ladder." Rose pointed out.

Diego waved it off. "Same difference."

"Damn, you are unlucky." Tim said. "Hope it doesn't rub off on me."

Rose playfully elbowed him the ribs. "You're supposed to be on my side."

"Can't argue with the facts." He shrugged.

Tim only stayed for an hour before making some excuse about needing to be somewhere. Rose figured he'd just had enough of family time, it wasn't like he'd ever experienced an abundance of it. No one had objected when she followed him outside, but Diego watched them leave with suspicion.

"Thanks for that." She said. "It was nice."

"Yeah." He nodded, not looking back at her as he walked down the steps.

"I'll be seeing you then?"

She didn't mean for it to come out as a question but she couldn't help her own uncertainty. As sure as she was that Tim returned her feelings, there were her ever present doubts that maybe that wouldn't be enough to make him stay. Maybe she wasn't enough.

"Yeah." He said, casting her a glance.

His expression was conflicted, like he was struggling with something. Before she could decipher the reasoning behind it he'd gotten into his car and driven off, rather unceremoniously leaving her alone in her front yard.

When she went back inside she grabbed the glasses left on the coffee table and took them to the kitchen, any excuse to be alone. She had thought that the night went well, considering how pleasant Tim was acting. But then he was so indifferent that she wondered if she had done something wrong. Maybe she should have insisted he go home instead. Maybe this was all too much too fast. On second thought, damn that. He'd been stringing her along for weeks now, with no indication as to where this was going or if they had a future. He didn't get to back out now.

Clearly her father didn't get the memo about her wanting to be alone since he joined her at the sink. Rose didn't hold that against him, though. How could he know that she preferred to think things over in private?

"Did I do something to offend Tim?" James asked. "He doesn't seem to like me very much."

"He's just, protective, is all." Rose said. "He was the one that found me after I stormed off. He doesn't think I should be giving you a second chance."

Tim's role in the slashing of her father's tyres was carefully left out. She didn't want James disapproving of Tim anymore then he probably already did.

"And why's that?"

Rose shrugged. "Second chances aren't really his thing. Takes a lot for him to give you a first chance."

"How's he ever gonna have a relationship if he refuses to forgive?" James asked.

She didn't think the ability to have a functional relationship had ever factored in to Tim's decision making. It wasn't the sort of practical consideration that informed his thinking, far too sentimental. After all, what use did you have for happy and healthy romances in this cold and terrible world? She hoped he'd get out of that brand of thinking one day, where pragmatism and ruthlessness were coveted ideals dominating their more subdued counterparts. Perhaps, if she waited long enough, those hard edges of him would eventually soften. It might have been a foolish endeavour but she didn't care. If she was going to put her trust in anyone, it was going to be Tim Shepard, as ludicrous as that may sound.


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Twenty Three**

 _August 1967_

This time Rose wasn't surprised that their parents had let her brother have a party at their house. It was his last hooray before going off to college after all. Of course, that meant there was an awfully bittersweet feeling to it. In a few days him and Sam would be driving up to drop him off, and it would be months before she'd see him again.

Even if she had resigned herself to his departure all she wanted was to freeze time, to have her big brother with her for just a little bit longer. At least she was comforted by the fact he would only be a two hour drive away, close enough to visit but far enough that he had his own independence.

As the night progressed she had kept her distance, giving him the time with his friends that he needed. Unfortunately, once Beth went home she was left with few options of who to spend time with. She'd seen Billy from afar but he hadn't approached her and she was grateful. Seven months had given her all the closure she needed for that relationship. His break-up with Debbie had probably helped make her feel better.

When she'd sought out refuge on their front porch, she hadn't expected to find her brother sitting on the couch all by his lonesome. He looked even more somber than usual, and it took a moment of contemplating before she decided she needed to pull him out of his thoughts.

"Having a nice night?" She asked, taking the seat beside him.

"Yeah, it's been real good." He said, "Just needed a moment to myself."

It was understandable. He needed time to convince himself that leaving wasn't going to be his biggest mistake. Though they both knew he'd never regret going to college, it was the thought of embarking into the next chapter of his life that terrified him.

"I get it." She told him, "You're doing the right thing, ya know. You'll love college, and you'll do great."

"Thanks." He replied, "I, uh, broke up with Rachel the other day."

"I was wondering why she wasn't here." She said, "How'd she take it?"

"Cried a lot, damn near killed me seeing her like that." Diego admitted, "I mean, I didn't expect her to take it well, but she knew it was coming. It had to happen. Love ain't always enough."

"You're being the philosophical drunk then," she said, "What wisdom will you impart upon me?"

"Stay away from Tim Shepard."

"And what's so bad about Tim?" She asked.

Rose had her own list about what made Tim such a bad idea, but it was always outweighed by her feelings for him. And yet, recently she'd felt her faith in him start to waver. She'd only seen him a few times since their last dinner date and he'd been distant each time. Disengaged, like he had a million more important things of his mind than her. She supposed she couldn't blame him. After all, they could never be each other first priorities all the time, and she had been preoccupied with spending time with her family. Still, the disinterest stung more than she'd like to admit.

"Because you're gonna get outta this town one day, and Tim's too damn selfish to let you." He explained, "You'll finish school, and go to college, and Tim's gonna be stuck here forever."

Even if she knew how to respond to that Diego didn't give her a chance to, or even a second look before getting up from the couch. She wanted to think he was wrong, to trust that she knew Tim better than that. But she knew Tim well enough to know Diego wasn't wrong. That hurt her even more.

She wanted to shake herself free from such doubts. Tim had never let her down yet. Unlike so many others, he was there when she needed him. Her confusion was being fed by the judgements of others, ones who hadn't seen the other side of him. The one that hinted at him actually giving shit about an admittedly short list of people. But it proved he wasn't totally uncaring, and he cared for her, of that she was certain.

Rose was so engrossed in her thoughts that she didn't even notice the subject of them walk from the side of the house towards the fence. Only when she called out his name did he look at her, and only when she smiled did he near her.

"I didn't know you were coming." She said.

"A party means free booze." He told her, lowering himself down beside her on the couch. "What else would I be doing here?"

"Scintillating conversations with drunk teenagers." She suggested and he smirked in response.

All doubts were forget with him sitting so close to her. His dark eyes taking her in, his godless smirk, and his broken nose and scar that only seemed to enhance his looks. It was difficult to think of anything else except how much she wanted him. He'd come to the party to see her, even if he'd never admit it, and maybe that was enough.

Leaning up, she kissed him. It was slow and soft at first but neither of them could keep it chaste for long. One of her hands tightly gripped his shirt while the other was tangled in his air. He gripped on to her waist to pull her closer until she was almost on top of him.

"I want you, Tim." She whispered. "More than anything."

It was a loaded statement for a heated makeout session but they both knew she meant something else. She wanted him, all of him, every part, the good and the bad. They'd been hanging in limbo for too long. She wanted a relationship with him, and she figured he wanted that too.

But then he pulled away, his expression stoic but painfully so, as if it was harder than usual for him to suppress whatever it was he was feeling. Without a word, he got up from the couch and stormed down the steps.

Rose was initially too shocked to move. She'd been so certain that they were finally on the same page. Everything pointed to him being ready for a fully-fledged relationship with her. Maybe she'd read the signs wrong, maybe she should've given him more time.

Taking off after him, she practically screamed out his name but he ignored her. Only when she parked herself in front of him did he finally meet her eyes, his own were cold and his expression stern. Whatever he was feeling she couldn't tell. He'd closed himself off to her.

"What did I do?" She asked, her voice almost trembling. "Did I do something wrong? I thought that was what you wanted."

"You thought wrong." He said, his voice hard and unfeeling. "I don't want you."

Even though she knew they were lies the words still cut into her. It had always been an unquestioned assumption of hers that, on some level, Tim wanted her. Everything he had ever done had proved that to be true, and, for once, she knew she hadn't done anything wrong. However much time she gave him it would never be enough. Maybe he'd never be ready to be loved by her.

Of course, when she stopped blaming herself she started blaming Tim. A heavy condemnation as always.

"You're lying." She stated. "You're lying to me."

For a moment, Tim looked away in shame. He'd only ever made her one promise and now he'd gone and broken it.

"If you walk away don't expect me to take you back." She said. It took everything in her, but her voice was unwavering. "This is it. Now or never."

There was a moment of silence before he answered, and her breath hitched in her throat. The future of their relationship rested on his response, but he didn't need to speak for her to know the outcome. The fact that he couldn't even look at her was more than enough.

"Guess that's it then."

As he said those words she could feel something inside her breaking - her heart perhaps. Who knew such a short sentence, so casually delivered, could be so devastating. All she could do was watch him walk away. She should've screamed, or cursed him out, or maybe even kicked a hole in the fence if it made her feel better. Instead she went home. She wanted to find something of his and destroy it, but she didn't have anything of his. The only thing Tim had ever given her were broken promises. No. Not even that. He'd never given her anything at all. The false hope was all her own doing.


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Twenty Four**

 _November 1967_

At first everything had been so strange with her brother gone. No matter where she was she wholeheartedly expected to see him. It was getting easier to accept his absence, but when he'd joined her for Thanksgiving in New York she'd almost burst into tears at the sight of him. Meeting her new step-family had gone reasonably well. They seemed nice enough and it was only mildly awkward.

At least it distracted her from thinking about Tim. Their time apart had given her plenty of opportunities to stew over his rejection of her. It still didn't make any sense, and for the life of her she couldn't figure it out. Tim wouldn't have strung her along if he hadn't been interested in her, but that didn't help explain why she'd been unceremoniously dumped. No, he didn't dump her, because he'd never asked her out in the first place. The confusion at least solidified her resolve to forget all about Tim Shepard. If he didn't want to be with her then he wasn't worth sparing a second thought for.

Such a resolution encountered a bit of a problem when she ran into his younger sister in the bathroom at their school. She'd never actually spoken to the younger girl, and if she had to choose which of Tim's siblings she preferred it would probably be Curly, at least he was fun to be around and wasn't boy crazy like Angela.

But this was a very different Angela in front of her now. Tears streaming down her face, smudged make-up, her hair in a boyish crop. Rose had heard about what happened, how Bryon Douglas had cut off her hair because she dumped him, then Tim and Curly beat him up in revenge. When she first heard that she thought it to be a rather extreme reaction. It was just hair after all, it would grow back. Then she wondered if Diego would do the same thing for her, and she didn't have a clear answer. He'd never been as pre-disposed to violence but he had fought Dallas Winston for her. Then again, that was almost three years ago.

Angela looked up at her when she walked in, her blue eyes turning almost venomous. Clearly she hadn't wanted to be disturbed, but perhaps then she shouldn't have chosen a public restroom to cry in.

"What do you want?" Angela demanded. "Gonna have a laugh at me, ain't you?"

"Of course not." Rose said, stepping closer. "Are you okay?"

"Oh, yeah, I'm fucking fantastic." Angela spat back. "Life's just great at the moment."

Rose supposed she would probably be just as angry if she was in the same position. Sixteen and already married. She had never met Angela's new husband, but she knew that Danny was in the Shepard gang and as much of a hood as the rest of them. There was no need to ask why they'd gotten married, there really only one reason why teenagers got married in the first place. But Angela's decidedly flat stomach threw that presumption into question.

"What can I do to help?" She asked, not at all scared by Angela's defensive expression. She'd managed to hold her own against Tim, and she supposed his sister couldn't be any worse. "I've got make-up in my bag, and tissues, so we can fix your face up so no one will even know."

Angela regarded her with suspicion, but she stubbornly refused to move, only offering the girl a warm smile. Eventually, Angela nodded, though she maintained her mistrustful expression. Grabbing some of the toilet paper, she wet it and handed it to Angela.

"Here," she said. "Hold this under your eyes for ten seconds, it'll reduce the puffiness."

As they fixed up Angela's face, removing her make-up and reapplying, there was little conversation between the pair. She knew that Angela was wondering why she was helping her out, and if she was honest she couldn't find a rational reason. They weren't friends, Angela had never helped her out and had initially been quite rude. But she needed help, and for some reason Rose had never been able to stop herself from helping others.

"Why are you doing this?" Angela asked. "Don't you have class right now?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "But it's only Maths, I can catch up."

It was probably a good thing that she was missing out on one of her best subjects, otherwise she might feel guilty for skipping out on class. She'd never actually skipped before, and it wasn't as exhilatory as she was always told it would be. Though, she supposed that might be because she skipped to comfort crying girl.

"You didn't answer my question."

"I guess I just wanted to help." She shrugged. "Isn't it some unwritten code that girls have to stick together?"

"Not in my experience." Angela said. "You're not just doing this to get to one of my brothers, are you? Cause I've heard Curly talk about you."

"Curly talks about me?" She asked, genuinely shocked. "Not that I'm interested in him, just out of general curiosity, what does he say?"

"I don't know." Angela replied. "He once said you had a good rack, course that made Tim clock him 'round the head."

Rose quirked her eyebrows up in surprise, not at what Curly said given it was very much in character of him, but that Tim had immediately jumped to her defence. It wasn't as if Tim had any qualms about talking about girls in such a manner, but apparently he did have any issue when she was the subject. Four months earlier she would have found it endearing, but now she forced herself not to care. It didn't change anything anyway.

"Well, I can safely say that I do not want to get with Curly." Rose almost chuckled. "So you're safe there."

The idea of dating Curly seemed very strange to her. He'd been a good friend to her, and she liked hanging out with him, but she'd never felt even an inkling of attraction to him. It wasn't that he was ugly, he wasn't, he just looked too much like Tim but at the same time not similar enough.

"Look, my friend Beth and I were gonna go get something to eat after school if you wanna come?" Rose offered, surprising even herself. Fixing Angela's make-up was one thing, but inviting her to hang out was another.

"Sure." Angela said, smiling for the first time since Rose had entered the restroom.

When she told Beth of the day's events, she'd received a quizzical look from her best friend.

"This isn't some ploy to secretly get close to Tim without actually openly doing so?"

"Of course not." Rose assured her. "Angela just needed a friend, I guess."

"I hate to be judgmental, but you and I both know what she's like." Beth said. "Trouble sticks to her like bees to honey."

Rose couldn't deny that the statement was true. Angela was trouble, with a bad attitude, but that didn't mean she didn't deserve a little kindness from others.

"I'm just being nice." She said. "Besides, I haven't even thought about Tim in ages."

"That's bullshit and you know it." Beth said. "Just because you won't talk about him doesn't mean you're over him."

"Well, I don't want to be with him anymore and that's got to count for something." She replied. "And I don't need to talk about him. I just want to forget about him."

"Look, I know I don't exactly have a ton of experience with relationships, considering my last one barely made it past a month," Beth said. "But, I think talking about will help you move on. You can't bottle everything up."

Rose knew Beth had every reason to be concerned. She'd been noticeably terse with details on what happened that night, and hadn't spoken about Tim since. But she hadn't been suppressing all of her emotions, just expressing them to herself in written form. It was easier that way. No possibility of judgment for how she felt.

"What do you want me to say?" Rose asked. "That I was absolutely crushed. That no matter how angry I am I still can't seem to hate him."

"It's a start." Beth said. "Pretending you're okay won't make it true. It's okay to be sad and angry and hurt. It's normal."

"Nothing about my relationship with Tim was normal." She muttered, bitterly. "Promise me you won't mention anything about me and Tim to Angela."

"Sure thing." Beth agreed. "But if you're going to be friends with her you'll have to tell her eventually."

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Twenty Five**

 _December 1967_

Christmas had come, and with it brought the arrival of her brother. Once he was back it was almost as if he'd never left. Everything fell seamlessly back into place at home, which only made it harder, knowing that he'd be leaving again soon.

"So, how have you been?" Diego asked, as they stood in front of the sink, her washing the dishes as he dried them.

"Staying away from Tim, which is what you really want to know." Rose replied. "Honestly, it's like you don't trust me at all."

"Not around him." Diego said, as honest as ever. "He messes with your head. And he doesn't deserve you."

"Yeah, you've said that before."

"What's your problem?" He asked, frowning at her. "I'm just looking out for you."

"I know that." Rose sighed. "It's just, you can't tell me what to do. I have to make my own decisions, and my own mistakes. I need you to trust that I'll make the right choices."

"I do trust you." He told her. "And I'll get off your back about it."

"Thank you." She said. "So, have you met anyone at college?"

"Nah," he said. "Don't think I'm over Rachel just yet. Don't want to drag another girl into that, it's not fair."

Rose couldn't help feeling guilty. She'd dated Billy even though she'd never entirely stopped hoping that something would happen with Tim. Still, lingering hopes were not the entire reason for the failure of that relationship. At least now she could dispel all hopes involving Tim. They were finally done, and a part of her was relieved. Even if his rejection hurt her, it had provided some much needed clarity to their situation.

"I heard you've made a friend of Angela Shepard." Diego said. "How'd that happen?"

"It just kinda did." She shrugged. "She's not as bad as everyone thinks. She's just a little troubled I guess, she could make something of herself if she had the right opportunities, she's actually pretty smart."

"You always think the best of people." He said, and she could practically hear the inferences he was making, questioning why she kept giving people the benefit of the doubt even when it only ended up getting her hurt.

But when she glanced up at him he was smiling, and she thought he looked almost proud. If her brother thought she was doing the right thing, then she must be.

"So," he said. "You gonna catch me up on all the gossip 'round town."

For the next few minutes she gave him the rundown of everything that had happened in his absence. When the conversation wound down, Diego grew quiet, and she knew from his furrowed brow that he was stewing over what to say next. That, or he was constipated, she couldn't always tell the difference.

"You know, I've really missed you." He finally said. "It's been hard being away from all of you."

"We've missed you too." She said. "But in only two-and-a-half years you'll be home for good, with a fancy degree and it'll all be worth it."

"By that time you'll be in college yourself." He said. "You're gonna go right? You're smart enough."

"I want to." She said. "But I'll have to get a scholarship like you, because Ma and Sam can't afford it otherwise."

"No you won't." He replied. "I mean, James offered to pay for mine before I got the football scholarship, so he'll probably pay for yours."

Smiling to herself, it was a comfort to know that she had that option, that she could get out of Tulsa to go and make something of herself. Of course, she also didn't miss the way Diego refused to call him dad, or even father. She guessed that even if they had resolved their issues, they'd probably never be close. Some wounds would never entirely heal no matter what.

"You know, I think Rachel's still hung up on you too." Rose said. "She asks me about you sometimes."

"Yeah." He sighed. "I wish it could've worked. But I know it wouldn't have. I guess I'll always kinda love her though."

It almost dumbfounded Rose, how easily her brother had walked away from someone he was in love with. She'd never even entertained the idea of being in love with Tim, and yet she still had trouble forgetting about him. Of course, by the pensive look on Diego's face, she wondered if he too found himself unable to forget about his ex.

"I'm sorry." She muttered, not sure what else to say. "I'm sure you'll both be happy with other people one day."

"I hope so." He replied. It sounded strange to hope for your ex to move on, but it was an awfully mature thing, and Diego was an awfully mature person.

Still, perhaps that was better suited to situations where you no longer had feelings for said ex. Not even the best person in the world could watch someone they love be in love with someone else.

That night, sat on her bed she pulled out the box filled with the letters she'd been writing to Tim but would never send. This was the first time she was reading over them. She'd made it a rule that once she'd finished the letter it went straight into the pile, but now she felt far enough away from the memories that they couldn't hurt her anymore. Or, at least, not as much.

The first one was so pitifully sad and full of self-condemnation. Then they grew angrier and angrier, as if she'd unleashed all her bottled up resentment. When the anger subsided all that was left was for her to contemplate what could have been if he hadn't ruined everything. But he had, and somehow, she had to find a way to move on from that.


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Twenty Six**

 _January 1968_

Perhaps because she had been going to church her whole life, Rose had never found the services as utterly boring as others did. Sure, she could understand why some people didn't enjoy being preached to, but to her it was a familiarity, something from her childhood that she hadn't lost like everything else. Still, she was enjoying it more now that she was playing the piano. Her grandmother had taught her as a child, but she'd been forced to abandon the hobby when they moved to America and her family were more preoccupied with paying bills than playing instruments.

Recently, her mother had inquired with the pastor about brushing up her skills and she had eagerly agreed. This service was the first time she'd be playing the piano, and it went off swimmingly. She found that, just like riding a bike, once she got started she quickly remembered how to play.

As usual, following the end of the service her parents hung around, mingling with the others. Sam's mother, Marie, was animatedly chatting to the pastor, most likely about some charitable endeavour she was organising, she lived for those sorts of things. Rose was standing off to one side, merely observing the crowd, when Peter Johnson approached her. They'd been acquitances for many years, but despite being in the same grade they had rarely spoken other than polite greetings. He was tall, a little gangly, with a mop of blonde hair and brown eyes. Cute, but nothing that would draw the eye in a crowd.

"Hey, you did a good job today." He said.

"Thanks." She said. "But I messed up one of the notes."

"Well, I didn't notice." He replied. "To be fair, don't know anything about music. But most of the people here probably don't, so I think you're safe."

"I hope so." She nodded. "How was your break?"

"It was good, sucks to be going back to school though." Peter said. "Only five months til summer."

"Then a year til we graduate." She added. "Terrifying, isn't it?"

"I think it's exciting." He said. "Anyway, how was your break? Bet you liked having your brother back at home."

"Yeah, the visit was nice." She said. "Unfortunately, he had to go back."

"At least he's probably enjoying it." Peter said. "My brother's at college and he thinks it's great. Don't know if we'll be able to get him to come back after he graduates."

Peter's attempt at making a joke fell rather flat. Instead of being entertained, all Rose could think about was if Diego enjoyed himself too much at college. Maybe he'd decide that he liked his independence too much to come home and have to live by someone else's rules. She quickly dispelled those fears. Her brother wasn't like that. He'd never abandon his family.

"So, uh," Peter stammered, "I was wondering,"

But she never got to find out exactly what Peter was wondering, since his mother decided to bound up to them at the moment, ignoring the annoyed look her son sent her. Rose had always found Mrs Johnson to be delightfully cheerful, in a way that may have been derisive if it wasn't so well-intentioned. Their whole family was that way, actually, as if their world was full of sunshines and butterflies and nothing bad ever happened.

"Oh, Rose, you did just wonderful, didn't she dear," Mrs Johnson said, turning to her husband her nodded along encouragingly. "You've been hiding your talents from us."

"Yeah." She muttered, not sure what else to say.

"If I'd know earlier that you could play I would have asked you this ages ago." Mrs Johnson continued. "But our Patsy has always wanted to learn to play, and it would just be wonderful if you could teach her."

"Oh, I don't know,"

"We would pay you of course," Mrs Johnson said. "$5 for an hourly session once a week. How's that sound?"

"Uh, that sounds fair." Rose nodded. "Yeah, I can do that."

Mrs Johnson clapped her hands together. "Wonderful, just wonderful. Patsy will be delighted." She said. "She's sick at home so we should be getting back to her."

Peter gave her an apologetic look. "I'll see you at school tomorrow."

"Yeah." She agreed.

Watching them walk away, she wondered what he had wanted to ask her. Most likely he was attempting to intercede on his mother's behalf. That, or he wanted help with homework, or something equally innocuous.

"What did the Johnson's want?" Her mother asked when she rejoined her family.

"Oh, I'm going to be teaching Patsy how to play the piano." Rose explained.

"That's nice, they're a nice family." Marta said, with a sly smile. "And Peter's such a nice boy. Such a shame you two never really became friends."

"Yeah, a shame." Rose muttered, still trying to figure out how she'd stumbled into employment.


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Twenty Seven**

 _February 1968_

Rose didn't know how Angela had managed to convince her to come to this stupid party in the first, but now she was deeply regretting caving so easily. Given that she'd been essentially left to fend for herself by Angela, who was completely engrossed in the husband she had only recently decided wasn't so bad after all. The fact that she had to share breathing space with Tim and the girl he was making out with didn't help her annoyance.

After the appropriate time had passed, she'd decided she'd had enough of dodging drunken passes from boys she'd never met and watching everyone else have a blast. For once she was thankful for her strict parents and their curfew, it always provided a convenient excuse. Even if Angela and Danny didn't seem all that eager to take her home.

"Just stay a little longer." Angela practically pleaded.

"I really have to be home." Rose said. "But I can call my mom to come get me if you want to stay."

"I'll take you." A voice said, and her eyes narrowed on Tim as he stepped closer.

The idea of being alone in a car with Tim was the furthest thing from what she wanted. Even being this close to him was too much. It brought back all those memories of that night, everything she was trying to move on from. The betrayal, the embarrassment, the hurt, the anger. She had plenty of feelings about what he'd done and none of them were good.

"It's okay." She said, desperately trying to cover the dislike in her voice with some degree of neutrality. Though she didn't want Tim to think things were okay, she also really didn't want Angela to know what was going on between them.

"Nah, let Tim take you." Danny told her. "I promise he'll be a gentleman."

Any more protest and she'd arouse their suspicions. At least Angela's, Danny was pretty oblivious. It was time to cut her losses and admit defeat.

"Sure." She muttered, unenthusiastically.

Rose didn't even look at Tim as she grabbed her coat, or when she said goodbye to Angela. She glared at his back as she followed him to his car, but wouldn't meet his eye when he looked at her. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

"What I'd do now?" He asked. "Cause I thought you'd be grateful I was giving up my time to take you home. Again."

"What, were you gonna get laid again tonight?" She asked. "I'm so sorry for stopping you from having what I'm sure would've been mind-blowing sex. Again."

"That's why you're angry, huh." He said, smirking at her but it lacked its usual confidence. "You're jealous."

Rose let out a defeated sigh. "Just take me home, Tim."

For a moment his expression softened, and she saw a glimpse of the person underneath the mask, the one who cared. It didn't last long, but it was enough for her resolve to falter. After all, that was the whole reason she'd started falling for him in the first place. The idea that he trusted her enough to see that side of him. But it had been fanciful dream of hers, and she should've known you can only trust in concrete things.

The silence between them was suffocating. Without even looking at him she could tell he was thinking about that night. She wanted to believe he regretted it, but she doubted that. Tim didn't regret anything because he never thought he was wrong. The possibility that he felt justified in his behaviour only made things worse.

"Why are you taking me home?" Rose asked.

Tim shrugged. "You needed the ride."

"Why are you acting like nothing happened?"

Tim didn't answer but she didn't need him to. He was acting like this because it was easier, and because he could. But she wasn't about to let him off that easily.

"Why did you do it?" She asked. "That night. Why did you leave me?"

More silence followed. Tim gripped the steering wheel harder, glaring at the road. "Don't need a reason." He finally said.

That answer was enough to inflame the anger she'd been trying so hard to control since she got into the car. Everything that had been bubbling at the surface would be repressed no longer.

"That's such bullshit!" She exclaimed. "You never do anything without a reason."

"Maybe you don't know me as well as you think." He suggested.

"I know you better than anyone, and that's your problem." She said. "That's why you did it. Cause you're a goddamn coward."

Tim sneered. "At least I ain't naive like you, trusting the wrong people again and again. At least I know what's up."

"And you're alone." She said. "So is it worth it? Was pushing me away worth it?"

Rose didn't expect him to answer that. It was far too personal of a question for Tim to give her a straight answer. But still, she wondered, if maybe he regretted discarding her affections with such indifference. He cared. He could pretend to all the world different but she knew the truth. Even for only a moment, Tim had given a shit about her. But even that wasn't enough for him to stay. He'd spent years building walls to keep people out, she had thought that with enough patience they'd come down, but now she knew that some behaviours were too ingrained to ever be changed.

"You were scared, Tim. Because I could love you good and proper and that terrifies you. The idea of anyone else having power over you." Rose said. "Because you think power and control have any place in love when they don't. That's not love, and I wouldn't have done that to you."

Even as Tim's expression turned stoic, it was obvious that he was doing everything he could to keep it that way. He wasn't emotionless, no matter how much he wanted to be. And even if he had killed off every feeling he'd ever had, he could never destroy the anger he carried with him. That old friend, one of the few constant things on his life. Rose had wanted to be his solid ground, the safe place for him to rest his head. Only now did she realise there would be no safety with him. Tim Shepard was a storm, who'd ruin everyone around him eventually. Even though she knew that everyone deserved to be loved, she didn't think he deserved the softness of hers. It was too foreign to him. He didn't know what to do with it.

This time the silence felt heavy, oppressive even, weighed down by her words. She didn't regret what she said. It was the truth and he needed to hear it. She had learned that she couldn't fix Tim, she couldn't love away all the hurt of his past and expect her mere presence to magically repair all of his broken pieces. But that didn't mean she couldn't still want the best for him.

"I know you think you have to push people away to protect yourself," Rose said, as he stopped the car, "but that's no way to live. And it'll only hurt you in the end."

"What d'you care?" He asked, bitterly.

"I care, Tim, I'll always care." She admitted. "But for now I need to care from afar."

Knowing that wouldn't get any response from him other than resentful silence, she got out of the car. As cliche as it sounded, she felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. At least now there was some closure to their ending, a sense of definity. When she reached her room she once again pulled out the letters and started writing. They were pages filled with indignation, regret, disappointment, and now, some acceptance that things might be exactly how they should be. For now, at least.


	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Twenty Eight**

 _March 1968_

After two months of teaching Patsy Johnson to play the piano, Rose was almost glad for Mrs Johnson's pushiness. The girl wasn't exactly a natural talent, but she was a hard-worker. Besides the enjoyment of imparting her knowledge on another, it provided yet another distractment. Between school and work she hadn't had enough time to think about Tim, and she didn't want to. She had far more important things to think about than the boy that broke her heart.

Usually, once the lesson was over Mrs Johnson would hold her up droning on and on about this and that. The woman could talk the ears off of anybody. Rose had expected this, and had even prepared a variety of excuses to provide an escape, but this time Mrs Johnson wasn't eager to converse.

"Peter, why don't you walk Rose out?" Mrs Johnson suggested.

Peter's cheeks reddened while his mother gave him a knowing smile, and Rose thought she had a pretty decent guess as to why Mrs Johnson was pushing him into action. She'd suspected for awhile now that Peter liked her - what with the sheepish glances and blushing. It was a novelty to her, not the male attention but his reluctance to actually pursue her. The guys she'd been involved with had never been shy about wanting to date her, or whatever Tim had wanted.

His hesistation to make a definitive move had given Rose enough time to consider how she felt about the prospect of dating Peter, and she had come to the decision she wasn't opposed to the idea. Sure, she maybe wasn't especially thrilled. She wasn't excited the way she had been when Billy asked her out, but she was older now, wiser perhaps, less inclined to swoon and forget her sensibilities.

"So, ah, Rose," Peter said, looking like he was in great difficulty. "I was wondering, if maybe you wanted to go to the movies, or something, whatever you want to do, just with me?"

Rose smiled as he struggled to get the words out. It was sweet, though it didn't warm her heart the way she thought it should.

"I'd love to."

Peter nodded eagerly. "We can go this Friday, not sure what's on but we'll find something. So I'll pick you up at 7, and we can eat before. Sound good?"

"Uh, yeah," she replied, "sounds good."

"Great." He said, as her mother pulled up in front of the house. "I'll see you at school tomorrow."

"Yeah." She said, wishing she could say something more eloquent but she couldn't think of anything else to say.

Her mother waved through the window to Peter as Rose got in the car, and Peter waved back. Not out of a sense of obligation, he was just a polite person.

"So how was the tutoring?" Marta asked.

"Good." Rose replied. "Peter asked me on a date."

"Finally. I thought he'd never get up the courage to ask you." Marta said. "I think he was scared of you saying no."

"Awfully bold of you to presume I said yes." Rose teased.

Marta's face dropped. "You said no?"

"I said yes."

"Good."

"Why?"

"Because Peter's a good person, much better than the others." Marta explained. "And you deserve better."

Her mother didn't need to name names for Rose to know who she was talking. Still, she was surprised. Marta had never expressed any disapproval over either Billy or Tim, only concern for Rose's own failures in the relationship. Not that she was in any way wrong. Rose knew she deserved better, and she also thought that Peter might be the one to treat her better.

When Friday night rolled around Marta insisted on helping her get ready. She'd done the same thing for Rose's first date with Billy, and Rose suspected she'd keep doing it until Rose moved out of home. Even then nothing's certain.

Rose wasn't even half as nervous as that date with Billy, maybe because she was now somewhat well-versed in the art of dating. She didn't think she'd ever become a master at it, but at least now she had some confidence, some sense of what to do and how to act. She wanted this date to be a success. It had to be a success, she needed it to be.

The whole family had gathered in the living room when Peter arrived, all trying to look far too normal to not be suspicious. Unlike Billy and Tim he wasn't all charm, courteous and polite but too shy to be at ease.

 _Stop that_ , she told herself, _he doesn't deserve to be compared like some show dog_.

It was for the best she didn't spend the night making such comparisons, not least because he couldn't possibly match up to Tim and all their history with only one date to base such assumptions on.

"You ready?" Peter asked.

"Yeah."

"I thought we could stop by the diner for something to eat." Peter said. "That alright?"

"Course."

Rose chalked up the awkwardness that settled over them during the car ride to first date jitters, moreso on his part. Maybe he just needed time to become more comfortable around her. She hoped that was the case.

"So, what movie are we seeing tonight?" Rose asked, once the waitress had taken their order and left.

"I was thinking The Odd Couple," Peter said. "I heard it's funny."

"Really, I was thinking Rosemary's Baby." She said. "You know nothing sets the mood for a date quite like a horror movie."

"We can see that if you want." Peter said hurriedly.

"It's fine." She assured him. "I was just joking."

"Oh, right." He said. "How are you going with the English essay?"

"I've finished it."

"Already?" He asked. "But it's not due til next week."

"I like to be on top of things." She said. "I hate leaving things to the last minute."

"I always leave things to the last minute." He said. "I wish I had your self-discipline."

"I don't know, maybe it's not always such a good thing."

"How so?"

Rose shrugged. "I don't know."

"You like English lit?" He asked.

"Yeah I do, I like reading." She said. "You?"

"Not really." He admitted. "Prefer movies."

"I think a lot of people do." She said. "To think, people used to get on without movies and television."

"Yeah, in the good ole' days."

"For some." She said. "I think I prefer the comforts of modern technology."

"Like telephones?"

"I was thinking more electricity in general," she said. "But telephones are good too."

The waitress returned, setting their plates in front of them. They were relatively quiet as they ate their food. She wasn't sure what to say next. It was always easy with Billy because he did all the talking, and she never felt the need to constantly talk with Tim. There she went again with the comparisons, but she couldn't help it. She figured that once you'd had multiple relationships each one cast a sort of shadow on the ones that followed. It was wrong and she knew it, but it was too easy to compare Peter and find him lacking. A snap judgment she hoped would prove wrong.

The line at the theatre ticket wasn't too long and Rose was glad. Even though they'd entered into Spring the night air still had a bite to it. As usual it was cool inside the theatre. She suspected they did that to provide an excuse for dates to cuddle for warmth, but she doubted Peter would be so forward. Still, she had resolved herself to enjoy the evening.

And she was, until she looked down the rows to see a familiar figure with his arm flung around the girl beside him. Rose didn't mean to stare, but no matter how hard she tried she couldn't stop herself. It would be obvious to Peter soon, if the way she'd gone stiff wasn't already an indicator that something wrong. Of course, just as she was about to wrench her eyes away he had to turn his head towards her, he did always know when he was being watched.

Tim certainly hadn't expected to see Rose at theatre, and by the looks of it on a date. The guy didn't look like much, and by the way he'd caught her attention so easily he couldn't be a very entertaining date. Not that it mattered. He was finished with her. Things between them were over.

Then she said something to her date and got up. Muttering some excuse to his date, he stood up and walked out after her. Following her wasn't the smart thing to do, and neither was waiting outside the restroom for her, but he still did it. It'd been a month, but all the shit that she'd said last time they'd talked still played on his mind. He needed her to know she was wrong. She might've thought she'd gotten him all figured out but she was dead wrong.

Rose was glad Peter hadn't noticed that anything was wrong with her, she'd hate to have to explain to him her complicated history with Tim. It was too difficult to talk about, and something she rather wanted to keep to herself. Everything between them was too personal, it felt wrong to share it with someone who couldn't possibly understand it.

None of it mattered anyway. Tim and her were ancient history.

Of course, then she just had to run into him as she left the restroom, leaning against the wall, the flicker of emotion in his eyes when he saw her feeling like a stab to the gut. Everything came rushing back with him standing so close, all those feelings, the anger and resentment and bitterness, the want and the confusion and the longing. Everything she'd been trying to forget.

"What're you doing here Tim?" She asked.

"Watching a movie." He said. "Same as anyone else here."

"That's not what I meant and you know it." She said. "Why did you follow me to the restroom?"

"Who's to say I didn't need to use the toilet anyway?"

"So we have synchronized bladders now do we we?" She said. "Didn't think that was possible."

Tim smirked. "Anything's possible." He told her, and for a second his cavalier expression actually faltered. "Why do I always seem to catch you when you're on a date?"

"Bad luck I guess."

"Yours or mine?"

"Now that's the question." She muttered. "You on a date too?" She asked, and he nodded. "Didn't think they were your thing."

"I took you on dates." He pointed out.

"So that's what they were." She said. "Finally I can no longer toil in confusion."

"You spend that much time thinking 'bout me?"

"Wouldn't you like to know." She said. "Thought you preferred to take your dates to Buck's. Get them into bed quicker."

"I'll get there." He said, confidently. "Maybe I want to take my time."

"Get her hopes up for a relationship and then crush them, becoming a bit of a habit for you."

Tim clenched his jaw but said nothing, his eyes unreadable to her. She'd always thought he was an open book to her, but maybe she was wrong. She'd been wrong about so many things with him, she'd put so much faith in him only to have that snatched away. She'd been so certain that she could trust him, above all others. She should've known he'd let her down eventually.

"She won't be better then me." Rose said.

Tim cocked his head at her. "How you figure that?"

"Because you never gave a shit about anyone else as much as you did about me."

His eyes were alight as he watched her, he made to say something but the words died on his lips when Peter called out her name. Rose was grateful for the interruption. She had a tendency to lose her sense when she was around Tim, he always knew exactly what to say to make her forget all the times he'd hurt her.

"You okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She assured him. "This is Tim, my brother's friend."

Peter greeted him, but Tim only nodded disdainfully at him, barely even taking his eyes off of her.

"It was nice seeing you, Tim." Rose said, walking to Peter's side. Peter nodded politely to Tim before allowing her to steer him back towards the theatre entrance.

Of course Tim couldn't just leave it at that, he always had to have the last say.

"Rose," he called out. "Give. Not gave."


	29. Chapter 29

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Twenty Nine**

 _April 1968_

The onset of exams had given Rose the perfect excuse to avoid any more dates with Peter. It wasn't that the first one had been a disaster, though only a moderate success at best, it was her inability to stop thinking about what Tim had said. She was sure it made her a terrible person. Peter had been so kind and understanding, and here she was stewing over the words of her ex-love interest. For what else could she call him, despite his admittance that those were in fact dates, they still never entered into a definable relationship. It had been nothing more then smoke and mirrors between them.

And yet, she felt that the small flicker of hope had reignited inside of her. Even if she knew it was false, a part of her still wanted to believe in Tim. Maybe he was right and she was just being naive. He certainly didn't deserve her forgiveness, her kindness, or anything from her but indifference. She had to be strong in her resolve. She couldn't let herself so easily fall back into old patterns. Tim would never change, he'd only hurt her again.

She wanted to be resolute in her decision to abandon any fanciful daydreams about a relationship with Tim and commit to the possibility of one with Peter, but that was easier said than done. Especially when she felt guilty every time she saw him. That was why she tried to reduce the times she saw him. It was difficult at school but manageable. At least he hadn't noticed the way she almost bolted at the sight of him that morning, or if he had he hadn't made it apparent.

"I think Peter wants to talk to you." Beth said. "He asked me in Homeroom if you were here today."

"I wonder what he wants." Rose mused, though she had a strong inclination it was about her sudden rudeness towards him.

"Probably to know why you're avoiding him." Beth suggested.

"I don't know how you even went on one date with him." Angela said. "He's so boring."

"He is not!" Rose replied.

"Please, he's so well-behaved, bet he's never broken a rule in his life." Angela said. "That's boring."

 _Because relationships with interesting men had worked out so well for Angela_ , Rose thought, but kept it to herself.

"Anyway, I'm skipping the rest of the day." Angela continued. "Gonna spend it with Danny instead."

"How'd you expect to pass your exams when you skip?" Rose admonished.

"We're gonna study." Angela claimed.

"Sure you are." Beth scoffed.

Angela rolled her eyes. "See you two tomorrow."

Neither her not Beth were surprised by Angela's lack of interest in school. They'd been friends with her for months, and it had taken that long to get used to her attitude. Rose doggedly believed that Angela was a good person deep down, but there were times when the girl made it awfully difficult to put up with her. Still, she wasn't a bad person to have on your corner when times were tough.

"She's got a point you know." Beth said.

"Oh not you too." Rose said. "He's not boring. He's nice."

"He is nice." Beth agreed. "But you aren't seriously going to tell me you have feelings for him."

"For Christ's sake, we only went on one date." Rose said. "It's not like we were going to fall madly in love."

"Yeah but you should feel something at least." Beth said. "An attraction maybe."

"Peter is attractive."

"Yeah, but,"

"But what?" Rose demanded.

"But he's not Tim." Beth said. "And I think that's a problem for you."

As much as Rose wanted to claim otherwise she knew it would be a lie. It was the same old story at this point. First Billy, now Peter, hell even her brief beau in New York. All of them paled in comparison to Tim. It wasn't that she found any of them unattractive, but rather she'd never felt even an inkling of an emotional connection with them, not like the one she'd had with Tim. But had was the optimal word there, because everything about her and Tim was in the past, and if it wasn't there yet it soon would be.

"I'm over Tim." Rose claimed, the words sounding no more true to herself, but maybe if she said it enough times it'd become true.

"If you were over him you wouldn't need to say it." Beth pointed out. "Oh, Peter's coming over."

Before she could adequately prepare herself, or find an escape route, Peter had appeared beside her. He had a habit of doing that and she hated it.

"Ah, I was wondering if I could talk to you alone, for a moment?" Peter asked, his eyes pleading with her.

"Sure." Rose said, nodding in farewell to Beth. "What about?"

It was a stupid question really. What else could it be about other than her avoiding him? There was no way he couldn't have noticed by now, it wasn't as if she'd exactly been subtle about it.

"I, um, wanted to know about prom?" Peter asked, smiling at her with uncertainty. "I mean, I wanted to know, if you wanted to go, with me?"

That had to be the topic of conversation furthest from what she'd expected, and it had taken her completely by surprise. She couldn't figure why Peter would want to take her to their Junior Prom when she'd been so indifferent towards him, especially considered he wasnt so stupid that he wouldn't have noticed, woefully naive maybe. Perhaps this was his mother's doing. That would make more sense.

"Rose," he said, and she blinked back to reality. "What do you think? Will you come with me?"

And before she could really process the proposal she was agreeing.

Peter was delighted but all she could manage was a smile that didn't reach her eyes. She'd though he might've noticed, but he didn't.

"What was that about?" Beth asked.

"He asked me to prom." Rose answered.

"And I'm guessing by his response you said yes." Beth said. "Can I ask why?"

Rose shrugged. "Seemed easier. Besides, look how happy it made him,"

"It won't make him happy when you break things off." Beth grumbled. "Don't drag this out like you did with Billy."

"I didn't drag anything out with Billy." Rose objected, but that only earned a pair of raised eyebrows from her best friend.

"Whatever you say."


	30. Chapter 30

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Thirty**

 _May 1968_

Even though this was her first high school prom, Rose couldn't find it in her to be excited. Not when she had to spend the evening pretending to enjoy herself when she knew she'd inevitably end up hurting Peter. Her mother was less enthusiastic than her last dance, though that wasn't a particularly pleasant event either.

Peter was none the wiser when he arrived. He did everything right. He was polite to her family, gifted her a corsage, opened the car door for her. And yet she was left cold. By this time she knew Beth was right, Peter wasn't Tim, and it turned out that was a very big problem for her.

"It's decorated very nicely, don't you think?" Peter said, after they walked through the gym doors.

"Yes, very nice." Rose agreed. "I was thinking that maybe we shouldn't spend the whole night together, only because Beth doesn't have a date and I don't want her to feel like a third wheel."

"Of course." Peter said.

That was one bullet dodged. It wasn't that she couldn't pretend for a little longer, pretending was never difficult for her, but the longer she acted like everything was the fine the more guilty she felt. It was wrong to put up this farce, and she wished she could be honest with Peter. But to be honest would crush him, and she cared about him enough not to want that.

"Where'd your lap dog go?" Angela asked, stopping to stand beside her.

"Peter's getting a drink." Rose answered. "And please don't call him that."

"Well it's what he is." Angela argued. "He follows you around, eats the scraps you give him, it's pathetic."

"Is Danny here with you tonight?" Rose asked.

Angela bristled. "No. Says he ain't got time for high school dances."

"That's a shame." Rose muttered, as innocently as possible. "Well, if you want I'm sure Peter will dance with you if I ask him to."

"Thanks, but I think I'm good." Angela said. "Can't believe you let him take you to prom when you're planning on dumping him. And I thought I could be a bitch."

"It would've been worse if I'd dumped him before." Rose claimed, though she was beginning to doubt that herself.

"It'll be bad no matter what you do." Beth said, appearing on her other side. "Now let's dance."

Beth pulled the both of them onto the dance floor and any residual bitterness evaporated. She felt bad that she'd all but abandoned Peter, but it felt good to be away from him, to avoid thinking about it all. Of course, when songs started slowing down she knew she couldn't avoid him forever. Angela drifted off to dance with some guy - an action that would most likely cause headaches for her when Danny found out - and Beth also found herself a partner, leaving Rose by her lonesome.

It wouldn't have been so bad if she wasn't simultaneously attempting to keep track of where Peter was and avoiding catching his gaze. The double act was a difficult one, and she suspected that it wouldn't last long.

But then her saving grace came in the form of Curly Shepard.

"Don't tell me you don't have a date." He said. "Or was Tim busy?"

"I have a date, and it's definitely not your brother." Rose replied, spying Peter across the room standing by himself looking through the crowd, no doubt searching for her. "Well, I think we better recreate the Winter Formal and give you the honour of slow dancing with me."

"I'm flattered." He chuckled, taking her hand and leading her to the dance floor. Rose made sure to keep a respectable space between them, prevent him from getting any ideas. "If you've got a date why ain't you dancing with him?"

"Why aren't you dancing with yours?" She retorted.

"She's drunk, passed out I think." Curly admitted. "Yours too?"

"No. Peter's very sober and very conscious." Rose said. "I'm avoiding him because I'm planning on ending things. That might be an overstatement since we never even got anything started."

"Well if we ever date remind me not to take you to a dance." Curly joked.

"You'd be so lucky to get a date with me, Curly Shepard." She said.

"Only if I get lucky." He replied. "Tim got anything to do with it?"

"No." She lied. "Peter and I just don't suit each other."

"Why're you and Tim so hung up on each other anyway?" Curly asked, "Ain't like you ever dated or anything."

As innocuous a statement Curly may have thought it to be, it stung a little. Knowing that no matter how intertwined she felt with Tim, they'd never been anything official. No one knew about them, as if they were something to be ashamed of, a secret to be kept.

"We're not hung up on each other." She claimed, but he only scoffed in response.

"I might be as dumb as Tim says, but I ain't blind." He said. "The way he looks at you. Shit, I don't know what he's feeling but it's something."

It wasn't a revelation to Rose that Tim had feelings for her, but the extent he'd apparently displayed them was. Tim wasn't the type to wear his heart on his sleeve, and Curly wasn't the most observant person. But none of that mattered now. First she had to worry about breaking Peter's heart, then she could turn her attention back to the man who'd broken hers.

"You're not stupid." She said. "And Tim's not always right."

"I'll be sure to mention that to him."

"That'll go down well."

"Maybe I'll say it when he's drunk." Curly said. "You heard about Curtis?"

"Ponyboy?"

"Nah, the other one, Sodapop." Curly said. "He got drafted."

"Shit." Rose said. "That family's really had a tough go with it."

Rose couldn't begin to imagine what it would be like if Diego was drafted, didn't want to even entertain the possibility. She didn't know Sodapop all that well, but she knew that he didn't deserve this, he didn't deserve what war would do to him, if he even came back at all.

The song came to an end and she bid Curly farewell, not wanting to dance with him more and give him the wrong impression. Looking through the crowd for Beth her eyes connected with Peter's, giving her no opportunity to pretend she hadn't seen him. Putting on her best smile, she walked up to him.

"Sorry we haven't seen each other much tonight." Rose said. "I was dancing with Beth and Angela and I guess I just lost track of time."

"It's okay." He said, glumly. "Why were you dancing with Curly Shepard?"

"We're friends." Rose shrugged. "You don't look like you approve."

"You hear things about Curly, none of it's nice." Peter said. "He sounds like a lot of trouble."

"He is." She agreed. "But he's a good friend."

"He's the brother of that Tim guy we met at the theatre, isn't he?" Peter asked.

"Yes." She said. "What of it?"

"Nothing really." Peter shrugged. "I was wondering if we could talk, somewhere more private."

Rose nodded, not at all eager for the conversation they were about to have. As she followed him through the gym doors and into the hallway, she knew she couldn't wait any longer. She had to end things now before he tried to actually start them. If he asked her for any kind of commitment now she may just comply out of guilt.

"Peter, I need to tell you something." She said.

"Let me say something first." He interrupted. "I asked you to prom planning to ask you for a proper relationship, but I can see now that your answer would probably be a no so I won't even both asking. Don't want to make more of a fool of myself."

"You haven't made a fool of yourself." She objected.

"Haven't I? Following around a girl who's not interested in me." He said, and she made to object once more but he held up his hand to silence her. "I know you've been avoiding me. I'm not stupid, Rose, just hopeful."

"I was hopeful too, Peter." She said. "I hoped to have a relationship with you, but I just don't like you like that, I don't think we'd work."

"You wouldn't even be willing to give it a shot?" Peter asked.

"I think I've been stringing you along for long enough." Rose said. "Staying friends is probably for the best."

"But we weren't friends before." He pointed out.

"We are now." She told him. "If you'll have me."

"I guess that's okay."

It wasn't the worst break up she'd had, far from it, but the difference with this one was that she was the guilty party. She'd wronged Peter, led him on purely out of a desire to move on from Tim. She'd tried to use him as a rebound and it went as well for her as it should have, she only wished she hadn't hurt Peter in the process.

As much as she wanted to be angry at Tim for getting involved in her relationship, she knew it wasn't his fault. Her heart had never been in it from the start, it was far too consumed with Tim. She now realised that attempting to replace Tim would not dispel him from her heart, she rather thought it had achieved only the opposite, solidifying his position of predominance in her life. The idea may have been thrilling had he been any other man, but he was not any other man, and so instead it terrified her, and not in a good way. At least, most of the time.


	31. Chapter 31

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Thirty One**

 _June, 1968_

It was a Friday night, and her mother had convinced her to celebrate the start of summer by having her friends sleepover. When Marta had suggested it Rose had thought it sounded childish, but maybe that was why she had agreed to it. After this summer she'd be entering her senior year, and not long after that she'd be heading off to college, out in the big and scary world of adulthood. She hoped she could spend one night avoiding that.

Her mother and step-father had taken her siblings out for dinner, giving them the house to themselves for a few hours. Rose had pre-emptively hidden away all the alcohol in the house. Angela might've been her friend now, but she still didn't entirely trust the girl.

They were all sitting on the couch, watching a movie while pigging out on junk food. It was decidedly respectable evening, and Rose was praying that Angela didn't pitch a fit about being bored and try to egg them into doing something more entertaining. At least, in Angela's opinion. But she had been quiet all evening, and Rose was starting to get worried. Quiet and Angela Shephard just didn't go together.

"Angela," Rose said, repeating herself when she got no response. "Are you okay?"

"Course." Angela shrugged. "I'm fine."

Rose raised a disbelieving eyebrow at her, but she certainly didn't expect the answer she got.

"I think I'm pregnant."

The words hung in the air for a few moments before Rose really absorbed them. Pregnant. As in baby. As in Angela was having a baby at seventeen. Somehow none of that really surprised her.

"You thought you were pregnant before and you were wrong." Rose pointed out. "You could be wrong again."

She was trying to sound hopeful, but Angela was already giving her a defeated look.

"I don't think, I know." Angela said. "I went to the doctor."

"Oh, Angie," Beth said, reaching out to wrap her arm around Angela.

In what was perhaps the most surprising event of the evening, Angela started sobbing on Beth's shoulder. Rose and Beth exchanged panicked looks, neither having ever expected Angela to break down at all, let alone around them. But this wasn't the sort of situation you took on the chin. It was a life-changing, potentially earth-shattering event. Rose was sure she wouldn't be composed if she was in Angela's place. They took it it turns to pat her back, waiting until she had calmed down to say anything more.

"Have you told anyone else yet?" Rose asked. "Danny, or Curly...or Tim."

That last name felt bittersweet in her mouth. She'd spent months trying to forget him only to come to the resigned conclusion that she never completely would. He would be a constant ghost to her, casting a shadow over her successive relationships. She hoped one day that wouldn't be the case, maybe once she'd gone off to college and put some serious distance between them.

"No, I haven't said anything." Angela admitted. "I don't know what Danny'll do when he knows."

"Well, he married you before when you thought you were pregnant." Beth pointed out. "So I don't think he'll leave you now."

"Beth's right, everything'll be alright." Rose said. "Danny might even be happy."

"Yeah, you're probably right." Angela said, wiping her cheeks. "I'm worrying for nothing."

Rose didn't know if she would go quite that far. Angela had plenty of things to worry about. Money. School. Work. Actually having the baby. It was enough to make Rose's head spin.

"At least now Rose will definitely only have to worry about me flirting with Diego during this summer." Beth teased in a much appreciated attempt to lighten the mood

"Hey, that's my brother." Rose protested, throwing a piece of popcorn at Beth. "Isn't he off-limits? There's like a rule or something."

"You're one to talk." Beth scoffed, and Rose could only gawk in response.

Angela's eyes flicked between the two of them. "Is there something you ain't telling me?"

This was the moment Rose had been dreading ever since she became friends with Angela. She hadn't seriously thought she could get away with never telling Angela about her and Tim, but she kept putting the conversation off all the same. She'd been enjoying their friendship too much to risk ruin it with a past infatuation. Even if it had been a bit more than that. Alright, a lot more than that.

"Don't get mad, cause this happened before we were friends," Rose said. "But, I kinda had sex with your brother."

"Tim or Curly?"

"Tim."

"When?"

"Two, and a half years ago." She replied, hating the fact she knew it off the top of her head. At least she didn't say two years and eight months.

Angela was far too composed. Rose had expected her to fly off the handle and scream in protest, but she simply nodded. She really was full of surprises tonight.

"You still into him?" Angela asked.

"No." Rose replied, perhaps a little too quickly. "We're...that's all over now."

Beth snorted in disbelief. "You and Tim? Done? I'll believe it when I see it."

Rose wanted to protest, but even she doubted the truth of her words. She'd known Tim for four years now. In that time she'd dated two other guys - if you could even count Peter and her as having dated - but he was the only one that had ever really made an impression.

"Well I think you could do so much better than my brother, and Peter." Angela announced. "Beth and I'll have to find you a better boyfriend."

"I think I'm going to take a break from dating for awhile." Rose replied.

"Maybe you'll met a good looking guy while you're in Miami." Beth said. "Have a summer romance."

"I think a romance takes longer than four weeks." She said. "It'd be more like a fling."

"Even better."

"Please do." Angela said. "You two have to have fun for me now."

The prospect of limiting her social activities to pregnant appropriate ones seemed to make Angela utterly miserable, but Rose was almost relieved. At least she could stop worrying about the younger girl. She didn't know how the stress of it hadn't killed Tim yet. Maybe he was made of sturdier stuff then her. That's one word she'd use to describe him - sturdy. Along with cold, aloof, impassive, aggravating, all those wonderful things.


	32. Chapter 32

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Thirty Two**

 _July 1968_

If there was one thing Rose hated about summer it was the stinking heat at nighttime, which caused her clothes to stick to her sweaty skin. At least in Miami the stifling humidity was relieved by the sea breeze or an afternoon thunderstorm, but no such recourse existed in Oklahoma. At least with her parents out she could blast the fans without her mother fretting over the electricity bill.

Rose thought it was sweet that her mother and Sam still went on dates as if they were teenaged lovers and not middle-aged, and had no objection to babysitting her younger siblings for the night. Of course, she had thought Diego would be helping her but he'd left with only a terse explanation of his whereabouts, which led her to believe it had something to do with Rachel.

After putting Anthony and Sally to bed, having had to negotiate with her brother to get him to shut up and go to sleep, she retreated to her own room to finish packing her things. There were still a few days before she was leaving for Miami, but she didn't want to leave it to the last minute and inevitably forget something.

Folding up one of her shirts and placing it in the bag, she damn near jumped out of her skin at the sound of a sharp tapping at her window. Her first thought was that they were being robbed, but she didn't think a robber would warn her about their presence.

Nevertheless, she grabbed ahold of one of the trophies from her bookcase, brandishing it like a club, and edged closer to the window. Rose peered out, and was both flabbergasted and enraged by the sight of Tim rapping his knuckles against her window. Somewhat reluctantly she opened it, allowing him to clamber up.

"You planning on bludgeoning me to death?" Tim asked, nodding to the trophy still readied in her grip.

"I'm entertaining the idea." She grumbled. "What the hell are you doing here, Tim? You can't just show up at my house it's..."

"What?"

"Inappropriate."

"You didn't have a problem last time." Tim pointed out. "If I remember right, you were the one inviting me up."

"That was different."

The memory of the last time he was in her room hung over her now, and by his smirk she guessed he was thinking of it too. It felt like a lifetime ago, when they were still figuring each other out, not knowing how much they'd one day mean to each other. She often wondered what would have happened if she'd never slept with him that night, how different things would be between them. Or maybe it wouldn't have changed a thing. Maybe everything between them had been fated, the product of some unforgiving god's designs. Sometimes it felt like that, like the universe kept throwing them together hoping that something would stick, but it never did.

Tim looked around her room and noticed her half-packed bag. "You going somewhere?"

"I'm going to Miami for a couple of weeks." She said, watching him with suspicion. He was close enough that she could smell the alcohol on his breath, not that she was surprised, he'd have to be drunk to swallow his pride and show up on her doorstep. "Why are you here, Tim? What's wrong? And don't say nothing because I know you'd be lying."

Tim waited, as if mulling over his options, before finally saying, "Angela's pregnant."

Rose wasn't sure if he expected her to be shocked, by the lack of surprise on his own face at her neutral reaction she guessed not.

"Yeah, she told me." She admitted. "What happened? How did she tell you?"

"Blurted it out." He said. "Danny nearly shit himself thinking I was gonna beat him up."

"And did you?"

"Nah, didn't stay long after that." Tim said. "Angel was talking 'bout their plans, like they planned this."

"At least they have plans." Rose said. "They're married, Danny has a job. Things could be worse."

"She don't know nothing about being a mother, god knows ours isn't a role model." Tim said. "She's just a kid."

Angela hadn't been a kid for a very long time, but she supposed Tim would never stop thinking of her as his little sister. To Tim, Angela would always be his responsibility. That was why he was upset, he thought that he failed Angela, that this was somehow his fault, and he looked absolutely crushed by it.

"Angela will be okay, she's tough." She told him, wanting with everything in her to reach out and comfort him, but she kept her hands clasped at her side. It was better not to go down that road.

"You got that right." Tim agreed. "Poor kid'll have a time of it with a mother like her."

"At least she's not alone." She said. "She has Danny, and me and Beth, and you and Curly. We'll look after her."

"We?" Tim asked, looking at her skeptically.

"She's my friend, so she's my responsibility too now." Rose said. "You're not the only one who's been looking out for her."

"And ain't we done a mighty fine job of it." He mused. "Look at her life."

"What Angela's done with her life and the mistakes she's made aren't your fault." Rose said. "It's not easy to parent your younger siblings, and I think you did your best. Angela and Curly aren't failures. I mean, at least they're alive and reasonably healthy."

Tim didn't seem all that convinced, but he let out a short laugh. At least she could still entertain him when he was in a mood, which thought all the more impressive when she considered the fact she'd never seen him like this. Tim didn't do guilt and regret, not when he was so assured of the correctness of his actions. She had admired that about him just as much as it had annoyed her.

"Bet Angela was pissed when you stormed off." She said, hoping to redirect the conversation to his sister's ill-temper. "Did you go straight to the bar?"

"Drove for a bit." Tim said.

Late night drives and late night drinks, the two things sure to help him get uncomfortable topics out of his head.

"And you ended up here." Rose said, her voice waivering with uncertainty, but she had to ask, she had to know. "Why?"

If Tim were honest with himself _he_ didn't even know why he was there. He'd been stumbling through the streets and something led him to her house. He hadn't been sure she'd even be awake, or willing to let him in, but he had to try, he had to see her.

How could he explain it to her? After Angela had told him everything was so fucking loud, so deafening. She was the only one who knew how to make things quiet for him, and he couldn't admit to her that it was the closest thing to peace he'd ever felt. That was too sappy, it'd give her the wrong idea. Though no more than him turning up in her bedroom in the middle of the night already had. Not to mention he wasn't sure the idea was entirely wrong. All he knew was that everything had gone to shit and she was the only one that could make him feel better, the only one he wanted to make him feel better.

"I wanted to see you." He finally answered, and no matter how brief a statement it was it still pained him to say it. Realizing that he wanted to be around her was one thing, saying it to her was something completely different.

"Why'd you have to say that?" She replied. "You just had something like that, didn't you?"

Of all the reactions Tim expected that wasn't one of them. He'd predicted the anger, but the despair, that surprised him. He'd admitted some sort of attachment to her and she was acting like it was terrible thing.

"You're the one that asked." He retorted, regretting ever saying anything at all. He should've brushed it off like he usually did, but he thought she might be pleased by his revelation, even if only a little.

"Well I didn't think you'd...say that." Rose said. "I wish you hadn't. You always makes things difficult for me."

"Who wants it easy?" He asked, but the attempt at humour was ignored.

"It shouldn't be this hard." She said, and he knew that by _it_ she meant them. "Every time I try to get away from you you just pull me back in."

Rose looked up at him with those sad brown eyes of hers. It had been so long since he'd seen her like this, that defeatist expression, the resignation. He hated it, and hated himself even more for causing it. He couldn't deal with her accusatory look, the way she made him feel like everything was his fault.

"What do you want from me?" He asked.

What did she want him to do? Apologise, get on his knees and beg for her forgiveness, although she knew hell would freeze over before that would happen. Even just an acknowledgment that he'd wronged her would be nice.

But she couldn't tell him any of this. Not because it wouldn't fix things, but because it might.

"I don't know." She finally admitted. "You really hurt me when you just left me, with no explanation."

"I know."

"But I don't think you understand." Rose said. "I trusted you, I put my faith in you and I don't do that easily. And you let me down, and you can't even apologise for it. Or won't. I don't know with you anymore. I feel like I don't know you anymore."

"You know me." Tim said.

"Fine, if I know you, I know you do what you want. And if you wanted to stay with me you would have." She said. "Does that make me a fool because I expected better of you?"

"No." Tim said firmly, as if the idea offended him. "You're not a fool."

He didn't refute her previous statement, she doubted he could find it in himself to open up anymore than he already had. He still wanted her, even if he couldn't make himself stay, she thought that maybe he actually wanted to, and that was enough to make her wary.

Tim might've prided himself on his self-control, but he was just as self-destructive as the rest of them, and the truth was she didn't trust him not to destroy them. It was in his nature, to destroy the things he loved to prevent himself from being hurt. Perhaps that was why she was drawn to him in the first place. She had recognized a kindred spirit in him, someone else who was afraid of giving someone else power over them and standoffish because of it. But she had changed, opened up, given him the power to hurt her. And she had wanted to change him, to convince him that he was worthy of her love, but now she wondered if that was even possible, if it was even worth it.

By leaving her he'd broken her trust so irrevocably she could never look at him the same way again. Now she would always see him as the person who left when she was begging him to stay.

"I think you should go."

Her heart broke as she said the words that sealed their fate, but it was a necessary evil. Sometimes you had to be cruel to be kind, and sometimes that meant being kind to yourself. She couldn't take him back with all their issues still hanging over their head like nooses, ready to tighten their grip and kill their relationship at any moment. Even if her heart was screaming at her to accept him back into it, her head knew it would only lead to more pain.

"Is that what you want?" Tim asked, as if he could sense her uncertainty. He probably could. He knew her too well.

"I'm not over it, not yet." Rose said. "I can't be with you if I'm not over it."

"Fair enough." He said gruffly.

Tim retreated to the window, casting her one last look, giving her one last chance to stop him. She wanted to run into his arms and declare her undying devotion to him like they were in some kind of romance novel. But they weren't, and so she didn't.


	33. Chapter 33

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Thirty Three**

 _July 1968_

It had been four years since Rose had set foot in Miami, and as similar as she found things to be they were also different. She had frozen the city and her family in her mind only to find that they, unsurprisingly, had kept moving alongside her. Now everything had a degree of unfamiliarity to it, even her family felt further away from her. Still, she relished in the chance to reconnect with her past.

The afternoon sea breeze had brought a cooler temperature, and Rose had decided to sit outside and enjoy it. Not to mention to give herself a moment alone to think, about what she hadn't planned as long as it didn't have anything to do with Tim Shepard. So naturally that was immediately where her mind went.

She'd spent the last two weeks flip-flopping over whether or not she'd made the right decision. On one hand, she doubted their capacity to have a functioning relationship, on the other hand that was exactly what she wanted and therein laid the basis for confliction.

"Penny for your thoughts."

Rose glanced up to see her Uncle Octavio standing in front of her. When she'd arrived in Miami she'd been struck by how similar Diego and he looked, especially now that her brother looked more like a man than a teenager.

"I'm not sure they're worth that much." She replied.

"What's bothering you?" He asked, taking the seat beside her. "You've been preoccupied since you got here."

She didn't want to tell her uncle all her and Tim's sordid history, but she did need some advice from an impartial third party.

"How do you forgive someone for letting you down, when they're the one person you thought never would?" Rose asked.

"I suppose it depends on what they did, but it depends more on if you think they'll do it again." Octavio said. "Does this boy love you?"

"Who said anything about a boy?" She asked. "We could be talking about anyone."

"But we're talking about a boy aren't we?"

"Yeah." Rose admitted. "I think bringing love into it would be a little premature. But he cares about me. He's never said it, but I know he does."

"Well, if he cared about you why'd he let you down?"

"Because he was scared." She said. "He was scared to be vulnerable. I can understand that."

"We can forgive a lot of actions if we understand them." Octavio said. "Even more so if there actions we could've committed ourselves."

"Are you sure you aren't a Professor of Philosophy?" She joked.

"Maybe that can be my next degree." He replied. "To me it sounds like you've already forgiven him, and now you're the scared one."

Her immediate reaction was indignation, but the more she thought about it the more she knew he was right. She was scared. There was no certainty in trusting Tim, not anymore, and there was nothing she hated more than uncertainty.

"Life's not worth living on the sidelines." Octavia told her. "Sometimes you've got to take a risk to make the most of life."

"That's easier said than done."

"Most things are." He agreed. "You got any plans for after graduation?"

It was an obvious attempt to redirect the conversation to safer waters, but she was grateful. She needed time to think, to consider her options before she could make any definite decision about Tim.

"I'm not sure." She said. "I want to go to college, don't know what I'll study there."

"What're you interested in?" He asked.

"I don't know, I like books, I like writing," she said. "Not sure how to make a profitable career out of that."

"I concede the literary path is often not one that produces vast wealth." Octavio said. "But it doesn't matter how much money you make if you hate what you're doing. What subjects are you good at?"

"Maths. I'm good with numbers." She said. "I like helping people."

"Well, you can't be expected to have it all figured out yet." He said. "But you'll get there eventually."

"I hope so."

She was hoping she'd get there soon. There was too much uncertainty ahead of her, it was unsettling. Still, she couldn't help thinking about that box full of letters underneath her bed, and how much potential there was in those words if she could just turn them into something worthwhile. Not that it meant much anyway, she wasn't sure if she could ever get up the courage to share her writings with anyone other than herself.


	34. Chapter 34

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Thirty Four**

 _August 1968_

Rose hadn't been exactly thrilled about coming to the end of summer party but Beth had been insistent. This would be their last one and they had to enjoy their senior year. She wasn't convinced, but sometimes it was just easier to give in then kept fighting a useless battle.

They arrived late enough that the party had actually started but early enough that most people were still relatively sober. Though she doubted that would last for very long. Free alcohol and teenagers does not equal sobriety.

"You could at least pretend like you're having fun." Beth said.

"Sorry." Rose muttered. "I'm probably ruining your night."

"No, you're just killing the mood a little." Beth corrected. "If Angela was here she'd be up your ass about being a killjoy."

"Yeah, she would." Rose agreed. "I should probably have fun so she can live vicariously through us."

"Not too much fun I hope." Beth said. "Angela always had a bit too much fun."

Rose had to agree with her on that. Angela's idea of fun usually involved a lot more trouble than she'd ever liked.

"How was Miami?" Beth asked.

"It was good, seeing my family again." She replied. "It's funny how much changes in only a few years."

"Well, the more things change the more things stay the same."

"Ain't that the truth."

Looking around the backyard she saw Ponyboy sitting alone with a beer in hand, looking rather melancholic, though she supposed that wasn't surprising given the circumstances. He probably wanted to be alone, but this was the first time she'd seen him since she'd heard about his brother and she felt like she had to say something. If only because their brothers had been friends.

Muttering some excuse to Beth, she walked across the lawn to sit down in the chair beside him. He looked up in surprise but didn't say anything.

"How you doing?" She asked. "With, everything."

"You heard then." Ponyboy replied. "Guess things could be better."

"D'you hear much from him?"

"He writes letters home." Ponyboy said. "Says he's okay but it's probably bullshit."

Rose doubted that Sodapop would be honest about his experiences of war. It would be too hard for Ponyboy to hear the reality of it, but these days you could hardly escape it. Everyone knew what it was like over there, so Ponyboy couldn't even fool himself into thinking things were okay. No, it was better to lie. At least then they could both pretend it was the truth.

"He'll be okay." Rose assured him, but she knew how hollow that must've sounded to him. "He'll come home."

Ponyboy didn't look all that convinced but why would he. There were no guarantees of survival in life, even fewer in war. She wished it were otherwise for his sake. With everything he'd been through he didn't deserve to lose his brother. Sodapop was the glue that held that family together. She didn't know what would happen to them if he died.

As much as she didn't want to think about it, she couldn't help wondering what would happen to her family if Diego was drafted. It was selfish of her, to be pondering her own possible pain when Ponyboy's was very real. But she knew she'd fall apart just as much as he was. Her family would fall apart like his.

At least with Diego in college there was less of a chance, but not many on Ponyboy's side of town could say that. Any one of them could be drafted at anytime. Ponyboy, or Darry, or Two-Bit, or Curly, or Tim. With one letter they could be sent overseas where any moment could be their last. It gave a new meaning to living life while you still could.

"You look like you could use a beer now too."

"I think I could use a few." Rose muttered. "It just reminds how quickly you can lose someone. How quickly things can change, especially when you don't want them to."

"That was probably a really tactless thing to say to you, but I guess you'd understand." She continued. "With your parents, and Dally and Johnny and now this. You get that people always seem to leave."

"Sometimes they stay."

It was a statement full of hope and she couldn't bear to snuff that out, but she knew better than him. People always ended up leaving you, one way or another. Whether it was their choice or not, it doesn't matter, it's an inevitability. Life had taught her that lesson long ago, and had reinforced message multiple times.

"I think I'm gonna go get myself a drink."

Rose had only planned on having one drink, but that had quickly turned into two, then three, then more. It was the first time she'd ever had more than just a buzz from alcohol, and if she were honest she couldn't quite see the appeal. She didn't feel good. She felt like she wasn't in control of herself, like she could say or do anything and she wouldn't able to stop herself.

She supposed it was the alcohol that made her so completely oblivious she only realised someone had sat down beside her on the couch when they spoke. Turning to her right she saw that is Philip Meyers that interrupted her introspection. If he wasn't such a nice guy she might've been annoyed, but one couldn't be angry at someone who was so terribly chipper.

"How you going?" Philip asked.

"Good." Rose replied. "You ready for football to start?"

"Yeah can't wait." Philip said. "You excited for cheerleading to start?"

"Course, I love throwing pom-poms around."

"Sure." Philip chuckled. She guessed he must've been drunk too because what she'd said wasn't funny. "How's Diego going at college? The team really misses him, you know. Course you know, you're his sister, you must miss him way more than us."

It was bad enough that she'd had to say goodbye to her brother once, but now she'd spend two more years only seeing him in short bursts. Then she'd be off to college and she'd only see her entire family for a tiny period of the year. She'd had to be satisfied with phone calls and Christmas visits, whilst everyone moved on without her. Sure, she'd be moving on herself, but she'd be by herself. For the first time in her life she'd have no one else to rely on.

"Yeah, I do." She muttered. "Excuse me."

Pushing her way through the crowd she walked around the side of the house and sat down on the grass. She'd drunk the alcohol because she wanted to stop feeling for awhile. In fact, she wanted everything to stop. People and time and just everything. She wanted to freeze herself in this moment where she didn't have to think or feel, or be scared by the uncertainty of the ever looming future.

No one had ever told her that alcohol would make you feel so lazy, but right now aimless was exactly how she felt. She had no future planned out, and everything concrete to her felt like it was slipping away. She was spinning out of control and had no way to stop it. The feeling had been building up for awhile, and now the alcohol prevented her from hiding from it. But it didn't feel freeing. It felt suffocating.

"Rose." Beth called out, rushing to her side. "Are you okay?"

"No." She admitted. "No one ever told me that alcohol could make you feel so sad."

"Are you going to throw up?"

"No." She shook her head. "I just feel terribly sad."

"I think you need to go home."

"I think so too."

"Okay." Beth nodded. "Well, just stay here, I'll be right back."

It seemed like no time had passed at all before Beth reappeared, now with Curly at her side. Rose would have wondered why the first person Beth had gone to for help was Curly, considering...it was Curly. If you wanted to have fun and do something stupid he'd be your first call, but he's certainly not the first port of call when one is in need of assistance.

"She doesn't look that drunk." Curly said. "She's still awake."

"I told you, she's upset." Beth said.

"What about?" Curly asked.

"Probably your brother." Beth angrily replied, as if it was Curly's fault that Tim was an asshole. "He's got her all twisted up, messing with her head."

"It's not Tim." Rose interrupted.

"Not this time it's not." Beth muttered, turning back to Curly. "My dad is picking me up, and if he sees her like this he'll tell her Mom and she'll get in trouble."

"I didn't drive here." Curly said. "I think Tim's at home, I could call him."

"No." Beth retorted.

"You got any other ideas?" Curly asked.

Beth pursed her lips in annoyance. "How'd you know he'll even come?"

"He'll come." Rose said, and the pair of them looked down at her in surprise, as if they'd momentarily forgotten she was there while they were busy arguing.

"D'you want me to call him?" Curly asked.

Her head was telling her that she shouldn't be around Tim when her defenses were already down, who knew what she would do or say. But the alcohol had already numbed her senses, and she found herself listening less and less to reason. Slowly, she nodded, not sure if she was making the right decision, but it wasn't as if she had many options in the first place.

Tim had been pissed when the sound of the phone ringing had woken him up, and even more pissed to find that it was Curly who was calling. He'd practically ran from their gang meeting to go to some party, and now he probably needed Tim to get him out of some trouble he'd found himself in. That was always the way with Curly.

"What the fuck d'you want?" Tim demanded.

"I need you to come to the party." Curly told him.

"I ain't picking your drunk ass up."

"It ain't my drunk ass you'll be picking up." Curly corrected. "It's Rose."

Tim took a moment to take in that information. He didn't think Rose was a big drinker, at least he'd never seen her get drunk before. He was even more confused about why Curly was the one calling him, he didn't know they were friends.

"She okay?"

"She's a mess right now." Curly said. "But she ain't about to pass out or anything."

"Why'd you call me?"

"She asked me to." Curly said. "I'd drive her home but I don't have my car. Figured you didn't want me jacking a car just to give your girlfriend a ride."

Tim didn't even bother correcting him. Curly had no business sticking his nose into Tim's business, certainly not when it was about Rose. No one had that right as far as he was concerned. He did wonder why Curly seemed so convinced that something had happened between them when no one had actually known about them. He'd done his best to keep Rose separate from the rest of his life, and with the exception of her friendship with Angela, he thought he'd done a pretty good job.

"You coming or what?" Curly asked.

He should've said no considering what had happened last time they'd spoken. She'd wanted space and he'd been giving it to her. But if it wasn't him that got her home safely then who would, and he couldn't leave her hanging like that. Or give any other guy the chance to swoop in and save her her.

"I'll be there."

Rose thought Curly looked almost triumphant when he came back and told them Tim was coming. Beth huffed in defeat but said nothing. It wasn't as if Rose was surprised that Tim agreed, even though she'd kind of rejected him the last time they'd spoken she was still certain he'd come. Because she needed him, and he was always there when she needed him. Maybe she just didn't need him enough and that's why he'd left her.

By the time Tim arrived she could feel her resolve faltering. It had been easy agreeing to him taking her home, after all it wasn't like she had many options that wouldn't lead to her being grounded for life, but now seeing him waiting in his car she almost couldn't do it. The only reason she didn't turn around and bolt was that she didn't want to prove Beth right.

Her best friend insisted on walking her to the car, glaring daggers at Tim through the window.

"You gonna be okay?" Beth asked.

"I'll be fine." Rose nodded. "Thanks for helping me. Tell Curly thanks too." She added, the other Shepard having gone back to the party as soon as his assistance was no longer needed.

"I will if he's sober and not making out with someone."

Tim greeted her with a nod when she got into the car, passing her his scrunched up jacket from beside him.

"Thanks." She muttered, taking the jacket and slipping it on.

"No problem." He replied, pulling away from the curb.

Rose was thankful that he was driving since it didn't give him much of an opportunity to look at her, and she avoided looking at him as much as she could. She knew their last encounter was playing on his mind, and all the encounters before that. Everything between them always seemed to compound together into a tangled web of mixed feelings.

"So why'd you'd get drunk?" Tim finally said.

Of course he went straight to the point. No beating around the bush with Tim. She could lie, but she'd never been very good at lying to him.

"I was talking to Ponyboy about Sodapop being drafted," she explained. "And it got me thinking about how that could happen to people I care about."

"Like your brother?"

"Yeah. Him, and others." She said. "And thinking made me sad, so I got drunk, but drinking made me sadder because I started thinking more, and I couldn't stop."

"Thinking about what?"

"About things changing." She muttered, her voice breaking. "And people leaving."

Tim thought he could guess the insinuation she was making there, but when he glanced over to her the faraway expression on her face made him second guess himself. Maybe this went deeper than him rejecting her. For once he may not be the sole cause of her anguish, and he felt guilty for how relieved he was. At least if someone else was at fault he could do something about it. He pulled the car over but said nothing, waiting for her to continue.

"Why do people always leave?" She asked, more in general than to him. "My dad, my brother, you. Why do things have to change, why can't they stay the same? Why do people have to leave when you need them? It's not fair!"

Even if she wasn't directly accusing him, he could still feel the blame, some of it directed by himself. He'd never realised exactly how much she'd been effected when he'd walked away. She always put up a front, and he could usually see through it, but maybe this time he hadn't wanted to. It was easier to pretend that him leaving was easy for her to get over, then face the truth - that she'd been devastated and it was all his fault.

Hesistantly, he reached his hand up to brush her shoulder. When she didn't pull away he moved it to the back of her neck, gently stroking the skin. Rose leant into his touch, looking up at him with her tear stained cheeks. She looked so fucking sad, and all he wanted was to make everything better.

When Tim pulled her towards him she didn't resist. She needed comfort, and even if Tim was partly the cause of her heartache he was also the only one who could make her feel better right now. There was no one else who understood her like him, not with her brother gone. Burying her head in her chest, for a moment she could forget everything, for a moment it was just the two of them.

But that moment wouldn't last forever, and she couldn't allow it to go on any longer. That would only confuse things more, and she didn't want to lead him on when she still wasn't sure about how she felt about him.

Pulling back from him, she wiped her cheeks. "Thanks," she muttered. "I needed someone to listen."

As Tim nodded in response, she watched him put back on his mask. He'd wanted the moment of comfort to be more, and so did a part of her. But it wasn't fair on either of them.

"Thank you for coming. I knew you would." She said. "And I don't want you to think I took advantage of...us."

"Thought there wasn't an us." Tim said gruffly, starting the car again, a way of avoiding the conversation she assumed.

"I don't know if I can just not talk to you, not after everything." She admitted. "I want to be your friend. And if that's not fair, if you can't be my friend, then that's okay too."

"Really?"

"No, I wouldn't be okay with that." She admitted. "But is that okay with you? Just being friends?"

She wanted to add for awhile but she didn't want to get his hopes up. Tim merely shrugged, which was as much of a response as she was expecting.

"So what do friends do?" He asked, as he stopped a couple blocks away from her house. She hadn't asked him to do that but she was glad. It would be difficult to explain why Tim had dropped her home if her parents noticed.

"They hang out." She replied. "Talk."

"No sex?" He asked, smirking at her and she laughed for the first time that night.

"No sex." She said. "Think you can manage that?"

"Can you?"

"I think I can resist your charms." She said, taking his jacket off and handing it back to him. "Thanks for taking me home."

Tim nodded, taking the jacket. The short walk home gave Rose time to ponder on the agreement they'd reached. She didn't think Tim had an excess of female friends, or any for that matter, and he probably had no need for them. But she'd tried to cut him out of her life and that hadn't worked. Maybe having him in her life but only as a friend would give her the opportunity to figure out her feelings. Or it could confuse her more. But at least she'd get to keep him around for a little longer.

* * *

 **IMPORTANT NOTE: I've just posted the first two chapters of Sweet Thing, which is a companion story to this one featuring Curly Shepard that takes place at the same time. Please give it a read and I hope you enjoy it.**


	35. Chapter 35

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Thirty Five**

 _August 1968_

It was her first day of senior year, which was yet another milestone Rose did not enjoy passing. Reaching senior year didn't feel like much of an achievement to her, and she was hardly ecstatic about the prospect of graduating. Not to mention the way Beth spent the first half of the day treating her like she was glass at risk of breaking. They still hadn't spoken about what happened on the weekend and Rose suspected that Beth was trying to give her space. Normally she'd appreciate it, but by lunchtime she'd grown sick of being handled with kiddie gloves.

"I know you want to talk about the party, and you have my permission." Rose said. "So long as you stop acting like I'm going to have a breakdown any minute."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Then what was that on Saturday?" Beth asked. "If you're fine now why weren't you fine then?"

"I was just emotional, and I had a lot on my mind." She explained. "It all piled up and came out when I had a bit too much to drink."

"You can't keep bottling things up like this. You need to talk to someone about it." Beth said. "Hell, even if that person's Tim, it's better than nothing."

"I know, your right." Rose conceded. "It's just hard to open."

"I get it." Beth said. "But I'm always here if you need to talk. Speaking of which, you and Tim back together now?"

"No. We're just friends."

"Ha, and that'll last a week maybe."

"It'll last until I decide he deserved a second chance." Rose said. "And that may be never."

"Bullshit." Beth said. "You couldn't stay away from him even if you wanted to."

"Who says I don't want to?"

"All of your behaviour." Beth said. "Look, I won't judge you if you do take him back, it's up to you. Just be careful."

"I'm always careful."

Perhaps too careful sometimes, always second guessing herself and her choices. She was distrustful by nature, and sometimes that distrust extended to herself. It was why she'd always admired Tim's self-confidence, because she wished that she could be that certain all of the time.

Beth seemed satisfied enough by their heart-to-heart, since she treated her normally for the rest of day. Yet, her comments plagued on Rose's mind. If she were honest with herself she didn't imagine her and Tim's 'just friends' status would last indefinitely. She'd be going off to college next year, and she couldn't leave without knowing if her and Tim could be something.

"You wanna come over to my house?" Beth asked, as they walked out of the front doors and into the parking lot.

"I can't." Rose said. "My Mom caught me sneaking in and has grounded me for a month."

Her mother's horror at seeing her intoxicated was enough to discourage her from ever getting drunk again, not that the experience itself lender itself to repetition. It wasn't so much that Marta had been angry or even disappointed, but anything to do with alcohol always hit a little too close to home. Perhaps that was why Rose hadn't objected to her punishment.

"A month?"

"She was not happy." Rose replied, spotting Curly standing by his car. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay, I've just gotta talk to Curly."

Beth nodded, and Rose ducked through the crowd towards the younger Shepard brother.

"Hey, Curly," she called out. "Can I talk to you?"

"Sure." He replied, nodding at his friends to give them space. Rose didn't miss their smirks but chose to ignore them. "What's up."

"I just wanted to thank you for what you did for me on the weekend."

At the time she might've questioned why Beth went to Curly for help, a question she still couldn't answer, but she was glad that she had.

"No problem." Curly shrugged. "You don't wanna talk about it do you?"

"No."

"Oh thank Christ, cause I can't handle all that emotional shit." He sakd. "I get enough of it from Angela, don't need it from you too."

"And how will you ever have a relationship with that attitude?" Rose asked.

"Whoever said I wanted one?" He replied. "I'm perfectly satisfied with one night-stands."

Rose shook her head at him. "Whatever you say."

Just as she started to walk away he called out her name and she turned back. "Don't let him do that to ya." He said. "You're better than him."

"Thanks, Curly, but that wasn't about Tim." She said. "Not completely anyway."

"Right." Curly said. "Need a ride?"

"Nah, I drove here."

"You drive?" He asked. "Shit, if I'd known I'd have got off the road."

"I bet I'm better than you." Rose said. "I've never been pulled over."

"The cops only pull me over cause they love me."

"Right." She said. "I'm sure it has nothing to do with your speeding or recklessly endangering the lives of others."

"You've never even seen me drive." Curly retorted. "I could be a saint for all you know."

"Somehow I doubt that." Rose said. "But nice talking to ya, Curly."

"You too."

In accordance with the rules of her grounding, she went straight from school to home with no detours. Outside of cheerleading, she was forbidden from doing anything other than school and work. Normally, that would leave her pretty busy, but since her and Peter's relationship failed to take off his mother had thought it best to discontinue the piano lessons. Rose had actually been disappointed since she'd been enjoying them, probably more than her pupil was. Patsy Johnson tried her hardest but her talents simply did not lie in music.

"How was school?" Her mother asked, as she walked into the kitchen.

"I came straight home." Rose said. "I promise."

"You know why I did that, don't you?" Marta asked.

 _I know it had more to do with Frank than me_ , Rose thought but kept it to herself. Bringing up her former step-father would hardly make her situation better.

"To discourage me from doing it again."

"Yes." Marta said. "You may think drinking's fun now, but drinking for fun can quickly turn into something much worse."

"I wasn't drinking for fun."

"Then why were you drinking?"

Her usual reaction would be to offer up some excuse and shake it off, avoiding dealing with her emotions at all costs. But with Beth words replaying in her head, she didn't think she could avoid this conversation.

"D'you hear about Sodapop being drafted?" Rose asked, and Marta nodded. "Well, I guess it just got me thinking how nothing's permanent. And I wasn't as okay with Diego leaving as I pretended to be. And I'm terrified of leaving. And I think I'm just afraid of things changing."

"Oh honey, Diego leaving didn't mean he loved you any less, and you leaving won't mean we love you any less, nothing will change that." Marta said. "Sometimes people leave, and that's not always your fault. But sometimes they stay. The right people will stay."

"How do you know the right from the wrong?" She asked.

"Sometimes you don't know until it's too late, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't trust people." Marta said, letting out a sigh. "Sometimes I think this is all my fault. First with your father, then with...Frank, I haven't exactly given you the best role models on functioning relationships."

"That wasn't your fault." Rose told her. "And Sam's pretty great.

"I just want you to know that you can talk to me, about anything." Marta said. "Anything at all. Boys, school, anything."

"Yeah, I know that."

It was hard for Rose to admit, but the support meant more to her than anything. Knowing you had your mother's unequivocal support was one thing, but hearing it was another, and she'd needed to know that there were some people who would always have her back.


	36. Chapter 36

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Thirty Six**

 _September 1968_

The Tulsa State Fair was as busy as it always was opening weekend. Ever since they'd moved to Tulsa attendance had become somewhat of a regularity. Sam had gone with his family as a child and it was an experience he wanted to pass on to them. As cheesy as it was, Rose thoroughly enjoyed going to the fair, even if it was only to spend time with her family.

This one wasn't as hard as the last, which was the first one without Diego. Rose figured that was how it was with absence, it got easier to deal with over time, though she hoped it would never be too easy to cope with.

Or maybe it was made easier by the fact it was the first time she'd been let out from her virtual house arrest. She still had a few days of her grounding left, but her mother made an exception for a family event. Though, Rose thought that her resolve might've have been faltering anyway.

"Can I have some cotton candy?" Anthony asked.

Her younger brother was a real candy fanatic, and she figured he'd been waiting since they arrived to get his hands on something sweet.

"Sure thing buddy." Their step-father answered.

"Ah, no." Marta corrected. "You know if he eats sugar he won't sleep."

"Right." Sam nodded, turning back to wink at Anthony.

"Mom, I need to use the restroom." He said, earning himself a skeptical look from their mother.

"I'll take him." Sam offered, and before Marta could object they had disappeared off in the direction of the 'restroom'.

Marta shook her head in exasperation, "Those two are as bad as each other."

Rose didn't think her mother looked all to displeased by being outmanoeuvred by her husband and eight year-old son. If anything she looked amused.

"You sure you don't want to go and find your friends?" Marta asked. "It's not very cool to be hanging out with you family."

She was about to claim that she much preferred hanging out with her family, when she saw Tim standing by the stockade where the horses were being showed. They hadn't so much as seen each other since the party, and seeing him there reminded her that she always kind of missed him when they weren't speaking. It wasn't that they were avoiding each other, they were simply not actively seeking the other out. Even then she'd still expected to see him. The universe did have a habit of throwing them together.

"You guys are very cool," Rose said. "But I'll catch up with you later, okay?"

"Okay." Marta said. "As long as you don't drink."

"Never again."

When she approached Tim he nodded in acknowledgment, but said nothing. He looked very out of place leaning against the fence and yet somehow his confidence made him fit right in. That was how it was with Tim, everything bended to his will whether it wanted to or not.

"Good to see you sober." He greeted.

"Good to be sober." She replied, stopping in front of him. "Thanks for coming to pick me up. Beth didn't think you would, but I knew you would."

"Cocky much."

"Not cocky," she said. "Just sure of you."

"That right. You ride?" He asked, jerking his head towards the horses.

"A couple times when I was a kid, but there aren't exactly a whole lotta horses in Miami." She said. "You?"

"Nah," Tim shook his head. "Used to watch Dally ride sometimes."

He said it so casually it almost seemed like he talked about Dally regularly, as if it was something normal. Of course, him not saying anything about Dally didn't mean he didn't think about his fallen friend, it simply wasn't in Tim's nature to talk about his feelings.

As soon as the words left his lips his expression took on a strangely melancholic character, it was a controlled sadness of course, but that didn't mean he was any less grieved. She supposed that was how grief worked, you could go for ages without thinking of them, and then suddenly you're reminded and for a moment it's like losing them all over again.

"You miss him, don't you?" Rose said. "It's okay if you do, but don't worry, I won't tell anyone that you actually have feelings."

"Much appreciated."

"Was Dally any good?"

Even if Tim had brought up the topic she wasn't sure he wanted to continue the discussion, but she thought maybe he needed to. He never talked about Dally, and rarely ever talked about anything else that plagued him, which she knew to be a lot. From experience she was well aware that pretending things didn't hurt doesn't make it true.

"Plenty good." Tim said. "Never would've told him that o'course."

"Of course."

Dally wasn't someone she thought about regularly, but every so often he'd cross her mind. Thinking about Dally was a very quick way to make herself very sad. Nothing about his life was uplifting, and his death was nothing short of tragic. Sometimes she wondered how different his life would have been if someone had loved him when he was young and in desperate need of it. What he would be like. Probably less cruel. Thats what you become when you don't know what it is to be loved - cruel and bitter.

"You know, Dally was the first boy that ever paid attention to me, and I know how that turned out, but at least some of it was real." Rose said, and Tim raised his eyebrows at her. "I know you don't agree, and I was probably just another lay to him, but there was a moment where he seemed almost human. Not the tough guy he always acted like. But scared and confused and looking to make sense of everything, like we all are. And I guess that made me feel special, that I could get him to open up like that, even for only a moment."

"Don't think Dally made many people feel special." Tim said. "You should count yourself lucky."

There were many reasons she counted herself lucky but that wasn't one of them. No one should feel grateful for the scraps of affection shown to them. Dally might've made her feel special for a moment, but he cut her down just as easily, and all because he thought hurting others would make him hurt less.

"Do you think he ever had a chance?"

Her eye's never left his face as he looked up at the sky in contemplation. Given the weight of her question she'd known he'd need time to think about, so she didn't press him for an answer. Especially not when she didn't even know how she'd respond.

"Do any of us?" He asked, finally looking back at her. "Why don't you hate Dally for what he did to you?"

Rose shrugged. "He wasn't worth hating. Wouldn't help me either, so why give him any power over me?"

"You really don't hate anyone?"

"I didn't say that."

"You ever hated me?"

He asked it in such a casual manner that anyone else might've believed he didn't care about the answer, but she knew better. The very fact he was asking meant he cared. Usually Tim didn't ask questions he didn't know the answer to, but his eyes searching her face told her he wasn't certain about how she felt.

"No. There were times I wished I did, it would've made things easier if I could hate you, but I never did." Rose admitted. "Were there ever moments where you hated me?"

"Why would I ever hate you?"

"I don't know." She shrugged. "You've been pretty angry with me at times."

"Shit, if I hated everyone I've been angry at I'd hate everyone I know." Tim said. "'Sides, you don't piss me off that often."

"Is that a compliment?"

"Maybe."

"Can I get you to say it again?"

"No."

"Didn't think so." Rose conceded. "I have to get back to my family, but don't be a stranger, alright?"

"You telling me what to do now?"

"Someone has to."

As she walked away she promised herself she wouldn't look back. That would be overly sentimental of her when she needed to be rational. To only think of what was best for herself, and what was best had never been Tim Shepard. But it was Tim, and he'd been so casually open with her, and he'd been so unsure, and dammit she looked back.

Tim was also watching her as he light up a cigarette, looking so gloriously handsome that she was almost come over by the urge to jump into his arms and kiss him senseless. She didn't, but she seriously wanted to. Instead, she settled for an awkward wave that made him smirk. Still, she'd looked back.


	37. Chapter 37

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Thirty Seven**

 _October 1968_

At six months pregnant Angela could no longer hide her widening girth, and had finally given in and started wearing maternity clothes. Rose still couldn't believe her friend was pregnant, and every time she saw her she was always a little surprised to see the growing belly. Unlike other expecting mother's she hadn't gained any weight on the rest of her, but that didn't stop her from complaining constantly. Rose knew that pregnancy was no picnic, but she thought Angela might've been overdoing it.

"I'm so fat." Angela groaned, picking up the magazine from the coach and throwing it on to the coffee table, collapsing into the seat next to Rose.

They'd only moved into the apartment a month ago and yet it was already covered in mess. Baskets of clothes, dishes in the sink, bags filled with baby stuff thrown in the corner. Angela wasn't much of a housekeeper, and Danny was even more useless in that area. Even if the apartment was spotless it wouldn't look like much. A small and dingy one bedroom was all they could afford.

"You're not fat, you're pregnant." Rose said. "And the fatter you get the healthier the baby will be."

"I can't believe I have three months left of this shit."

"They'll fly by."

"God I hope so." Angela said. "I want him out now."

"You think it's a boy?" Rose asked. "Or just hoping?"

"Hoping." Angela said. "I want a boy."

"Why?"

Angela shrugged. "It's easier for boys. Besides, he may not have the Shepard name but he's still a Shepard, and that means something 'round here."

Rose knew that all too well, and she couldn't help but feel bad for the kid. Not even born yet and he'd already have the baggage of his parents and uncles. It proved that no one ever truly got a clean slate - we're all products of our parents mistakes.

"You still working?" She asked.

"As much as I can." Angela said. "Don't think I'll be able to much longer. Being on my feet that long's killing me."

"You know, they're looking for a receptionist at Sam's dad's office." Rose said. "I could put in a good word for you. You'd have to be trained o'course but at least you won't be on your feet."

"You'd do that for me?"

"Course." She said. "But if you get the job please don't mess it up."

"I won't." Angela said. "Thanks."

"No problem."

She wasn't sure if it was a good idea to be giving Angela a job knowing how she could be, running her mouth off and getting in trouble, but it was the right thing to do. It would pay more than working at a grocery store, and at least that would make Danny less likely to resort to crime to make ends meat. Rose was already starting to get suspicious about his activities.

"How's school?" Angela asked.

Rose shrugged. "School's school." She said. "Boring as ever."

"I bet." Angela muttered. "Anything new happening with you?"

She could've told Angela about sending some of her writings to her aunt in New York, but that was too personal a topic. Telling Angela they existed would only make her want to read them, and those weren't feelings she wanted to share with someone so inclined towards gossip. Especially when many of them centred around Tim.

"Not really."

"Oh, really." Angela said. "Because Curly told me that Tim came and picked you up after you got wasted." Angela announced.

"And?"

"And I wanna know why."

"I don't know why." Rose said. "He was just being nice, I guess."

"Bullshit." Angela said. "He didn't do it out of the goodness of his heart, cause there ain't any. So, you two together or something?"

"No." Rose said. "We're just friends, that's all."

"That's even more bullshit."

"Are you trying to tell me not to date your brother?"

"D'you wanna date my brother?"

"No."

Not for a second did she think that Angela believed her. Of course Curly had to go and blab to his sister. Angela hadn't known anything about her and Tim other than their one-time hook-up and Rose had wanted it to stay that way. She thought that Tim did too. Now that was all shot to shit, and she was bound to get an earful.

"Why not?" Angela asked, frowning with what Rose thought was genuine concern. "He obviously likes you. He wouldn't have done it if he didn't."

"It's complicated."

That was the understatement of the century.

"Poor Rose, always playing it safe."

"How have I been playing it safe?" Rose asked.

In fact, she thought she'd taken a rather big risk in trusting Tim in the first place and look where that had gotten her.

"Like Peter wasn't you playing it safe." Angela said. "Billy too for that matter."

"What d'you mean by that?" Rose demanded.

"They're just the type of guy you're supposed to like. The ones who your parents love and everyone thinks are great." Angela explained. "Did you even like either of them?"

"Yes!" Rose replied. "I mean, I don't think I ever liked Peter at all. I liked Billy, but..."

 _But he wasn't Tim_.

Not that she could say that to Angela.

"You weren't satisfied." Angela finished. "If you always play it safe you'll never be satisfied."

"Are you?"

Once she said the words she immediately wanted to take them back, but it was too late. Angela's upper lip curled in a grimace, her expression hardening it a manner distinctively similar to her brother.

"It's okay to be angry at the situation. It's probably normal." Rose said. "This is all really unfair, and it sucks."

"Yeah, it does." Angela agreed. "But whining won't make it better. Just gotta move on, don't I."

"Yeah, I s'pose."

If there was anything Angela hated it was pity. Unfortunately, she took sympathy for pity and thought receiving it made her weak.

"You know what you need." Angela said, returning to her previous state of exuberance almost as quickly as she'd left it. "A date."

"No I don't."

"Yeah you do." Angela said. "And I'm going to set you up."

"That's not necessary." Rose objected, but she got the definite sense that this wasn't an argument Angela was planning on losing.

"C'mon, it'll be fun." Angela practically pleaded. "Do it for me."

"Fine." Rose conceded. "As long as you don't set me up with an asshole."


	38. Chapter 38

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Thirty Eight**

 _October 1968_

Clearly Rose and Angela differed about what they considered a 'good' date to be, because getting pawed at by Ricky Stuart in a booth at the Dingo was not her idea of fun.

As much as she had complained about going on the date, she had actually been looking forward to it. That was until Ricky sat down across from her, and then all she felt was fury at Angela for organising the whole thing and keeping the very important detail of her date's identity from her.

It hadn't been too bad at first. Sure, he wasn't exactly hiding the fact he was staring at her chest, but at least she got to eat her burger in relative peace. Then he decided to join her side of the booth, which was annoying but not a travesty. It was when he tried to slip his hand up her skirt that she finally had enough.

"Get off of me!" She snapped, pushing his hand away.

"C'mon, baby," he drawled in her ear. "I just want to have some fun."

"No." She said, shoving his chest.

She had failed to push him out of the booth, and had only succeeded in making him mad. But before she could come up with a plan, probably involving smacking him with her plate, a hand grabbed his shoulder.

Never in her life had she been more glad to see Curly Shepard.

"Everything good here?"

"No." Rose quickly said. "He needs to leave."

"You heard her." Curly said. "Get."

Ricky made to protest, but Curly grabbed him by the jacket, throwing him down to the floor. A fight surely would've ensued had the rest of Curly's buddies not rushed over, forming a threatening posse. Ricky might've been a jerk, but he wasn't stupid. He merely huffed, giving her a derisive glare before storming off.

"Thanks." Rose muttered.

"Don't mention it." Curly shrugged, taking the seat opposite her. Ordinarily she would've protested that he had not been invited to join her, but that seemed a bit rude considering what he'd just done for her. "Whatta you doing here with him anyway?"

"It was a date." She said. "Your sister's doing."

"You trusted Angela to set you up on a date?" Curly chuckled. "Why?"

"God only knows." Rose said. "She thought it be good for me. My first date in months and of course it turns to shit."

"You haven't been on a date in months?" Curly asked. "Shit, you've really gone cold turkey."

"I've been focusing on school." Rose said. "An example you might benefit to follow."

"No fun in that." Curly replied. "I'd rather go on dates."

With a few well-placed jokes, Curly had been able to lighten the mood enough she almost forget about Ricky. Almost. She still wanted to chew Angela out for setting them up, she must've known what Ricky was like. There was no way he came on the date for anything other than sex.

"Can you not tell anyone about what happened?" Rose asked.

"You mean don't tell Tim." Curly replied, giving her a small smirk. "Thought you'd want him to beat up Ricky?"

"I don't want to be the cause of anything." She explained. "Besides, it'd just be a stupid excuse to start a fight."

Ricky deserved to have some sense knocked into him but she didn't need Tim to do it. If he acted as her knight in shining armour anymore often it'd develop into a habit, and she didn't think Tim and a hero complex would mesh well together.

"You two are too damn confusing." Curly groaned. "D'you like him or not?"

"It's not that simple."

"Like hell it ain't." He said. "What's the problem now? Cause you two've been pussyfooting around each other for years. And Tim's never given that much of a shit about a chick before."

"Maybe I'm just different."

"Or just a really good lay."

"Well that's really none of your business." She said, indignantly.

Curly smirked at her. "So you two've had sex."

"I didn't say that."

"You kinda did." He replied. "What's the big deal? What, you two been secretly having sex the whole time."

"No." She said. "It was only one time. And it was three years ago."

"Shit." Curly said. "You must be a good lay."

"Considering it was only the second time I had sex, I highly doubt that."

"Alright, now I'm even more confused." He said, leaning forward.

"You and me both."

Confusing was exactly how to define her relationship with Tim. Complicated and maddening also worked.

"Anyway," she said. "I better get home."

"You drive here?"

"Yeah." Rose asked as she stood up, frowning at him with suspicion. "Why?"

"Can I bum a ride?" Curly asked, grinning up at her

"Your friends are still here." She said. "Aren't you gonna stay with them?"

"Nah, I gotta get home." Curly shook his head. "C'mon, otherwise I gotta walk home, and who knows what might happen,"

"Fine." She groaned. "If it shuts you up."

"You're a doll." Curly told her, standing up next to her. "A true life-saver."

"Whatever." She rolled her eyes, leaning down to grab her bag only to see Curly's friends wagging their eyebrows at him.

Letting out a sigh, she glared at them. "He ain't getting laid." She called out. "So get your filthy minds out of the gutter."

Curly didn't seem too miffed at the rejection. In fact he was laughing heartily at her. When he playfully attempted to put his arm around her she shoved him away, but that only seemed to entertain him more.

"Get in the damn car." Rose grunted.

"Yes Ma'am."

Rose shook her head at him in bemusement. Curly was always good for a laugh, and she wasn't nearly as annoyed by his antics as she was pretending to be.

"So, how you been?" She asked, as she pulled out of the parking lot. "Enjoying senior year."

"Yeah." He said. "Principal Miller's such an ass though. He's making me go to to tutoring or I won't graduate."

"Who's tutoring you?"

"Peggy Jones."

"Oh yeah." She said. "I saw you two together at the fair. You were looking pretty cozy together."

"Whatcha trying to say?"

"Nothing." She shrugged. "Tutoring's not too bad of a price to pay for graduating."

"Why would I care about graduating?" Curly asked. "That piece of paper don't mean anything to me."

Rose very much doubted that he didn't care about graduating, but she supposed he'd gotten used to acting like he didn't care about anything. It was one of the many ways he failed in his imitation of Tim. Curly was never very good at acting like he didn't care, he felt things too much to act like he didn't feel anything at all.

"Don't you wanna get outta Tulsa?" She asked.

"And go where?"

"I don't know." She said. "Just get out of here. Get in the car and drive to Texas."

"Texas?" Curly asked. "Nah, I ain't ever wanna go there. Last I heard that's where my old man split to after he left us."

"Oh." She said. "I'm sorry, I didn't know."

Curly shrugged. "It don't matter."

"Yeah it does." She told him. "Trust me, I know, it matters."

If there was any way to effectively kill a conversation it was talking about absentee fathers. Curly's usual easygoing manner could barely conceal his conflicted emotions, and she'd wished she'd never said anything at all. She never even wanted to go to Texas, it was just the first place she thought of.

"Can I ask you something?" She said as they pulled up outside his house. "And you have to promise not to say anything. Like swear on the bible, and if your break that promise I will bring the wrath of God onto. And I can do that because I'm a good Catholic, I go to church."

"Okay, okay," Curly said, holding his hands up in surrender. "What is it? Please don't ask me about Tim cause I don't know shit."

"It's not about Tim." Rose said. "It's about your friend, Jimmy."

"You want me to set you up with Jimmy?"

"No." She shook her head at him in exasperation. "Has he ever said anything about Beth?"

"Beth Cook?"

"Yeah. He ever mentioned her?"

"Don't think so," Curly said. "Want me to drop him some hints?"

"God no." Rose said. Curly was about as subtle as a bulldozer. "She'd kill me if she knew I said anything. She's over him anyway."

And with that she delivered a swift punch to his arm. It wasn't very hard, but it was enough to make him wince.

"What the hell was that for?" He snapped, looking at her like she'd gone mad.

"To make sure you keep your promise." She said, holding out a threatening finger towards him.

"Jesus. Guess I know why Tim likes you so much, you're kinda mean." Curly said, rubbing his arm. "Now I'm rethinking that crush I used to have on you."

"You had a crush on me?" Rose raised her eyebrows. "Cause of my decent rack?" She asked, earning herself a furrowed look from Curly. "Angela told me."

"Figures she'd rat me in." Curly said. "I used to think he hit me cause he was friends with Diego. But now I know it's cause he had a crush on you."

"I don't think the words crush and Tim go together, unless you're using it to describe him crushing someone." Rose pointed out. Her eyes scanned the yard, finding Tim's car parked in the driveway which got her thinking. "You didn't ask me to drop you home just to mess with Tim, did you?"

"Nah," Curly said. "I needed the ride. Messing with Tim's just a bonus."

"Sure." She nodded, not entirely believing him.

Curly got out of the car, and as she pulled away from the curb she couldn't help but shake her head at his antics.

After spending the afternoon shooting pool at Buck's with Charlie, and winning some cash while he was at it, he'd expected to spend a quiet night at home. What he hadn't expected was for Curly to burst into his room with a shit-eating grin on his face.

"What the fuck?" Tim demanded, but Curly wasn't perturbed in the slightest.

"Guess who just dropped me home from the Dingo?" Curly asked, not waiting for his response to continue. "Rose?"

"Why?" Tim asked.

"Cause I needed a ride, and I can be very charming." Curly explained. "You should learn from me."

"I don't need to learn anything from you." Tim scoffed. "Why was she at the Dingo?"

"Why you so interested?" Curly asked, as if they both didn't already know. "If you must know," he continued. "She was on a date."

"With who?" Tim asked, trying to sound like he didn't care but the fact he was even asking kind of betrayed that.

"Wouldn't you like to know."

"Curly." Tim practically growled, but it didn't have its usual effect.

"I promised her I wouldn't say anything to you." Curly protested. "I swore on a Bible."

"She has a Bible in her car?"

"No," Curly conceded. "But I still ain't saying shit."

"Why don't she want me to know?"

"Cause you'd probably beat him up." Curly said. "Ain't nobody gonna date her if you fuck up her dates."

After telling Curly to beat it, he was left alone to mull over the information. Since she'd dropped Curly home, he suspected that the date hadn't gone well, and he couldn't stop himself from being pleased with that. Still, he hadn't expected her to go on a date, not with everything going on between them. Though he knew well enough by now that her seeing other people didn't mean anything. It had never stopped her from coming back to him anymore than sleeping with other girls had stopped him from wanting her.

For a moment there he thought they were well and truly over, but for some reason she couldn't seem to quit him. He was sure there were plenty of moments where she wanted to be over him, wanted to be done with him, and he probably deserved it. But a part of her still wanted him, and that was enough for now.


	39. Chapter 39

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Thirty Nine**

 _October 1968_

Considering her recent experience at the diner, Rose wasn't exactly eager to go back there. But Beth had been insistent about getting milkshakes together after school, and between school, work, and her grounding, they hadn't gotten too many chances to hang out recently.

"You been to see Angela?" Rose asked.

"A few times." Beth said. "I never know what to say to her. I don't know what to talk about that won't upset her."

"The presidential election." She suggested. "The war."

"That's even more depressing to talk about." Beth said. "D'you think she's okay"

"No, but I wouldn't be either, and neither would you be." Rose said. "She'll be okay."

"You think?"

"I hope."

All Rose could do was hope that Angela got out of this okay, that her child came out of this okay. She didn't want Angela to continue the cycle that she'd grown up in, to raise another generation unable to escape a life of poverty and crime. That wasn't the kind of life you should be giving your children.

"Diego coming home for Thanksgiving?"

Rose nodded. "I think he might be bringing a girl home with him."

It was only a suspicion as he'd been yet to actually say so, but he'd mentioned the same girl a few times during their phone conversations. If he was talking about her to Rose than he had to like her, even if only a little.

"Ooh, so he's finally getting back out there." Beth said. "I heard Rachel's dating ( **?** )."

"Yeah, I heard."

"Did you tell him?"

"I told him." Rose said. "He took it pretty well. Apparently they talked during the summer, agreed they were both over each other."

"Guess absence really doesn't make the heart grow fonder."

"Except in my case."

Beth gave her a skeptical look. "Let's be honest, there hasn't been much distance between you and Tim." She pointed out. "If there was you might be telling a different story."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, if you completely cut Tim out of your life I think you'd actually be able to move on." Beth said. "This whole being friends thing isn't good for you."

She understood where Beth was coming from. Even after everything he'd done she still let him keep coming around, she still entertained the idea of them actually having something. It wasn't the practical thing to do.

"And I get it. He's makes you feel special because he treats everyone like shit, but he treats you a little better." She continued. "But treating you better doesn't mean he's not an asshole, and it won't stop him from breaking your heart."

There were too many valid points in Beth's argument for her to completely ignore it, but she wouldn't accept it either. Despite what she claimed, Beth didn't get it. There was too much history between her and Tim, too many feelings, to ever simplify it down to that. Tim made her feel special, but he also made her feel a lot of other things, things no one else ever had.

"Your perspective is duly noted," Rose said.

"But you're gonna ignore it." Beth finished. "I figured as much, but I've said my piece."

"Anyway, I have to get out of here." She continued. "I promised to pick my brother up from football practice."

"See you tomorrow."

Beth nodded back to her, slurping up the last of her milkshake before leaving. Rose didn't really have any reason to stay, but she didn't have any reason to go either. The afternoon rush had passed and it wasn't anywhere near dinner time, so the diner was relatively empty. She preferred it that way, it was easier to think.

Looking up when she heard the door open for a moment she stopped thinking altogether when she saw Tim. He looked surprised to see her there, some indecipherable emotion flickering over his face before expression turned back to its normal coldness. There wasn't anyone with him, but she didn't expect it when he walked up to her.

"Hey." She greeted. "Whatcha doing here?"

"Nothing." He shrugged. "You here with anyone?"

"Beth just left."

Apparently that was the answer he wanted, because he looked almost chuffed with himself as he slid into the booth.

"How you been?" He asked.

By his sly smirk she knew exactly where he was going with the conversation, and she wasn't in the least surprised that Curly hadn't been able to keep his mouth shut. Not entirely at least. The fact that she hadn't heard of any fights between him and Ricky told her he didn't know the full story. Not yet anyway.

"I've been good." She replied. "You?"

"Good enough."

"You gonna ask what you wanna ask?" She said. "Or are we gonna keep toying and froing?"

"Don't know what you mean." He said, enjoying this charade far too much for her liking.

"I know you know, and I want you to know that I'm not fooled by you acting like you don't know." Rose said. "And just so you know, I'm not telling you anything about it."

"About what?" Tim asked. "That date of yours?"

"Yes."

"What's there to know?"

"Nothing."

"Thought so."

Rose was almost offended by his assumption that any date she had must be terrible if it wasn't with him. Sure, it had been, but the lack of his presence definitely wasn't what ruined it. She especially didn't like how sure of himself he was, so certain that he was right. It irritated her as often as she found it attractive.

"Why ain't I seen you around?" Tim asked.

"Probably because I was grounded for a month." She said. "My Mom freaked out after the party."

"Did she get rid of all the booze in the house?"

"We don't have any alcohol in the house."

"Why?"

Had she been anyone else he wouldn't have asked that, it was far too personal. But Rose knew she wasn't just anyone to him, and there was nothing too personal between them, not anymore. Perhaps that was why it never even occurred to her to tell him anything other than the truth.

"Because my step-father, my first step-father, was a bit too fond of it." She explained. "He always had a temper but it got worse when he was drunk."

"He ever hit you?" Tim asked, his hands clenched so tightly his knuckles were white.

Rose shook her head. "Only my Mom. Not that it's much of a consolation."

"What happened to him?" Tim asked.

"Died in a car crash. Good riddance." Rose said. "He's been dead for years but I still hate him. He's the only person I've ever really hated."

These weren't memories that she entertained often, it was easier, safer, to never think of them. It wasn't as if Frank had even been around for very long, but two years was long enough to leave an impression. She didn't want to remember his shouting, the sound of her mother's cries, what it was like to live in fear. But no matter how many years passed, she'd never forget. It was always the traumatic memories that stayed with you, far more than the good ones.

"What happened to your father?" She asked.

Curly might've told her some of the story, but she wanted to hear it from Tim, or as much of it as he was willing to tell her. He looked surprised by the question, and for a second she thought about taking it back, but she waited for his response.

"Not much to say." Tim shrugged. "Left when we were young, ain't seen him since."

Tim was better than his brother at hiding how much their father's abandonment had hurt him. She wondered if that had been the defining moment, when he learnt that it was safer to close yourself off from anyone rather than risk getting hurt.

"Do you hate him?" She asked. Tim's frown deepened, but the fact that he hesitated was enough of an answer. "It's okay to not hate him, you don't have to. And it's okay to miss him."

"Didn't say that."

"You didn't have to."

Tim watched her with a strange expression. She expected him to be angry with for making assumptions, or to get defensive. Not the strangled, intense but somehow tender look he was giving her, a softness to his eyes that made her heart ache.

She wanted to reach out and take his hands, to touch him, to kiss him, to forgive his past misdeeds. But then the moment past, and Tim's face returned to it's usual stoic expression, whatever those feelings were buried deep within him. And yet, he'd trusted her enough to show them to her, however brief the display might've been.

"They keep talking about college applications at school." She told him. "My mom's been riding me to start mine, but I keep putting off."

"Why?" He asked, leaning forward. "Don't you wanna go?"

"No I do, I just," She said, pausing to think it over. "I don't know, it's a big change I guess. I don't even know what I'd study. I mean, I like a lot of things, but I don't know if I love anything enough to commit to doing it my whole life."

"You're complaining about having too many choices?" He asked.

When he put it like that it sounded ungrateful, and to him it probably was. He hadn't had many choices, and the ones he had made didn't generate many avenues for his life to take. At least, not enviable ones.

"I just don't like the uncertainty of it all." She said. "Figured you could sympathize with that."

Tim huffed, and she took that for agreeance.

"You just gotta pick something and stick with it." He told her.

It was a logical piece of advice, not that she'd expect anything less from him, but it was cute that he was trying to be helpful. He'd probably be pissed for ever thinking of him and cute and the same sentence, so she'd keep that one to herself.

"Thanks for the wisdom." She said, glancing down at her watch.

"Anytime." He said. "You gotta go?"

"I should probably be getting home." She said with uncertainty, leaving enough room for him to protest, but he didn't.

"Alright." He nodded, and she took that as her dismissal.

Rose slid out of the booth, pausing to look at him, giving him another chance to stop her from leaving. Tim seemed to sense that she was waiting for something, or maybe he thought she wanted to say something. Quite the opposite really. It was him that she wanted to do the talking.

"I'll see you around." He finally spoke, his voice uncharacteristically soft and unsure.

It wasn't what she'd wanted, but it was enough to know that he had no plans of this being their last encounter. She raised her hand towards him, but stopped when she thought better of it. There was no way he'd accept affection in such a public place. She nodded instead.

Every step towards the door felt wrong. It wasn't what she wanted, of that she was sure, but she could hardly return to him after saying her goodbyes. Only when she reached the exit did she glance back at him, to find him watching her in return. She smiled slightly at that, and she could've sworn he smiled back.


	40. Chapter 40

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Forty**

 _October 1968_

Buck's was emptier than usual for a Saturday night. Tim sat alone at the bar. He'd come with Charlie but his friend had talked Mary Young into going upstairs with him. There wasn't an excess of female company tonight, and Sylvia was the only broad there who even remotely piqued his interest. But that was more because of the drinks she was downing than any desire to bed her again.

At the sound of the door opening he glanced up, and was surprised to find his brother entering with Rose by his side. Her eyes widened at the sight of him, and he guessed she wasn't expecting this run-in anymore than he was. She gave him a small smile, before following Curly to the free pool table.

What the fuck was she doing here of all places, with his brother of all people? He'd accepted that they were somewhat friendly but this didn't make any sense. They weren't cuddled up or anything, hadn't even touched, so it wasn't a date.

Not that he'd ever thought it was.

Downing the rest of his beer he called for another, turning his back on Rose. Every so often he'd glance over to her. She was laughing with Curly and playing terrible pool, acting like this was normal or something. Hell, maybe it was, how would he know?

He gripped his beer tightly, and as he watched Curly say something to make Rose laugh he wanted nothing more than to pound in his brother's head. Sure, he'd wanted to kick Curly's ass before - and he always deserved it - but never over a girl.

Not that Rose was just any girl, and he wondered if Curly knew that. If he didn't know any better he'd think Curly was doing this to get back him, but he hadn't done anything to deserve it. Anyway, Curly hadn't even known he would be here tonight.

By now it might've been obvious he was watching them, but if Rose noticed she didn't show it. Curly kept glancing at him smugly, all the while entertaining her with his jokes. She threw her head back in laughter at something he said, her eyes dancing.

She looked carefree and relaxed, at ease in his brother's company. Tim's stomach twisted at the the sight of her so damn happy. He wanted her to be happy, if anyone deserved it she did. But dammit, he wished she smiled at him like that, all bright eyed, like she was having the time of her life.

He'd never played pool with her. Shit, he'd never even taken her on a proper date. He wanted to kick himself for that now.

Curly leaned over to say something to her, his gaze not leaving Tim's as he approached the bar.

"Two beers." He called out, resting his elbow next to Tim.

"You dating Rose now?" Tim asked casually.

Curly gave him a shit-eating grin. "Maybe. What's it to ya?"

"Nothing."

"Sure it ain't." Curly snorted, and Tim raised an eyebrow at how certain he sounded.

"You ain't dating her." Tim said, defintively.

"And how'd you know that?"

"Cause she wouldn't date you."

Curly regarded him for a moment, taking the beers Buck handed him. "She ain't dating you either." He pointed out, retreating before Tim could reply.

Rose finally looked at him when Curly returned to her. She'd been ignoring him since she'd arrived, and he couldn't figure out why. Things had been good between them last time they'd spoken, better than good really. So why was she acting like he'd done something wrong?

"Is that your brother's girlfriend?" Sylvia asked, sliding into the seat next to him.

Sylvia had always been pretty, in the way greaser girls were. But she wasn't looking so good tonight, with her smudged makeup and puffy eyes. Usually she'd never show up to Buck's if she wasn't done up, but he guessed the allure of alcohol and questionable company had been too great.

"Nah, she ain't."

"Shame." Sylvia said. "She's pretty. Looks too good for him though."

She was too good for him. She was too good for everyone in the damn bar, himself included.

"Whadda mean by that?" He asked.

Sylvia shrugged. "Don't look like she's from around here, that's all."

"She's not."

"And how do you know that?" Sylvia asked, with a sly grin.

"She's Diego's sister."

"That all?"

"Geez, Sylvia, what the fuck you on my case for?" He snapped, and he could see her switch from her gleeful expression to indignation.

"What the fuck's your problem?" She grumbled, casting him a scowl as she moved back down the bar, to the guy that had been plying her with drinks all night.

If she hadn't pissed him off, Tim might've felt bad for her, being pawed at by some pathetic guy desperate to get laid. She was making an obvious attempt at ignoring him, but he didn't care, she wasn't the one he was paying attention to.

But Rose wasn't paying him any mind, almost like it was on purpose.

No, Rose wouldn't do that. He knew her well enough by now to know that at least.

Grabbing his beer, he trudged out onto the porch. It was cold outside, but he didn't mind, it was preferable to watching his brother put the moves on Rose. Though, if that was what Curly called charm, he wasn't sure how he ever got laid.

It was peaceful out here. The sound of music muffled by the walls, and no drunk people trying to talk to him. He hadn't come to the bar for conversation, but no one could seem to figure that out.

Minutes rolled over into an hour, and he'd emptied his beer awhile ago but he couldn't be bothered getting another. The door to Buck's opened, but he didn't pay any attention to whoever was leaving, until he heard her say his name.

"What're you doing out here?" She asked.

Tim shrugged. "Needed some air. You?"

"Needed some air."

Somewhat hesistantly, she moved to his side, leaning her elbows on the railing beside his. He'd come outside to be alone, and he figured she'd done the same, but somehow they'd both made exceptions for the other.

"Whadda doing here with my brother?" He asked. "Thought you had higher standards."

"Clearly not if I'm hanging out with the likes of you." She teased. "I dropped him home last month and this is his idea of repaying the favour."

"Is he at least buying the beer?"

"Of course, he's being the perfect gentleman."

"So he ain't tried to feel you up?"

"Not even once, I'm becoming indignant." She said, with mock outrage. "If I can't even get Curly, what hope is there for me."

Tim chuckled, tilting his head towards her. "I think there's still hope for you yet."

Rose opened her mouth to reply, but whatever she had planned to say disappeared with the sound of Sylvia crashing through the doors, hurtling towards the railing to spew her guts out. He knew Sylvia well enough to not stare, that would only embarass her and he knew how she reacted to that. Rose wasn't nearly as cautious, watching the other girl with concern.

"You should go help her." She told him. "I know what day it is."

Tim furrowed his brow at her. What did the date have to do with Sylvia getting blind drunk? It was only when he realised what the date was that he figured it out. It had been three years since Dally died, he'd almost forgotten.

"You good to get home?" He asked, and she nodded.

Looking after a drunk Sylvia hadn't been how he envisioned his night going, but he could hardly back out now. Well, he could have now that Rose had gone back inside but he might've felt bad about it.

"C'mon Sylvia, let me take you home." He offered.

"I don't need you to take me home." She snapped back, her eyes ablaze.

"Sure you don't." He agreed. "But you're too drunk to drive, and I'm the only one here who'll take you home and not fuck you."

They'd slept together before, drunk and sober, but the idea of sleeping with her now seemed wrong to him.

For awhile, Sylvia stood there thinking it over. Her silemce was wearing on his patience enough that he almost left without her. Finally, she gave a weak nod.

Neither of them spoke during the drive. Tim didn't have anything to say. Even if he wanted to comfort her, it would only make her mad. Girls like Sylvia didn't want sympathy. She were tough-as-nails, and took shit from nobody, and he liked that about her, always had.

"You dating that Rose girl?"

"What?" He asked, gruffly. "Why'd ya think that?"

"You were talking to her." Sylvia shrugged. "And looking at her."

Tim raised his eyebrows. "Looking at her?"

"Yeah, ain't never seen you look at anyone like that."

"Like what?" He asked, trying to sound disinterested, but he wanted to know how he'd been so obvious that Sylvia had noticed.

"I don't know, like she matters." She replied. "Does she?"

It was Tim's turn to shrug now. He could admit it to himself, couldn't avoid it really, but he didn't think he could ever say it.

"She doesn't look like your type."

"And why's that?"

"She looks nice." Sylvia said. "I don't know, innocent or something."

 _There's nothing innocent about her_ , he thought, but kept it to himself.

"You ain't gonna ruin her, are you?" She asked, and he wondered where this sudden concern was coming from, Sylvia didn't know Rose from a bar of soap.

But she knew him, maybe too well. She knew what he couldn't admit. That he very well could ruin Rose. It would hardly be out of character for him to hurt her, he already had, even though that was the last thing he'd wanted.

"We're not together." Tim said, as he pulled up to the curb. "You don't gotta worry about her."

Sylvia gave him an unimpressed look, muttering an ungrateful thanks as she got out of the car. Yeah, being guilted by Sylvia of all people was not how he'd planned to end his night.


	41. Chapter 41

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Forty One**

 _October 1968_

The house was dark when Tim pulled up across the street. Of course they were asleep, it was well past midnight and Rose had two younger siblings who'd probably gone to bed hours ago. Still, he sat in his car watching the house as if he was waiting for something to change.

He'd planned on going to Buck's after the rumble, to get drunk and hopefully laid, but those plans had gone out the window when that stupid Brumly kid decided to pull a gun. Now the cops would be searching for the culprits and Tim would be right at the top of their list.

Leaving would've been the smart thing to do, but he'd only end up spending the next few hours driving around. Driving and thinking, and he wasn't sure how much he wanted to think right now. Especially not about him almost being shot.

There wasn't any particular reason that he'd even come to Rose's house. He hadn't expected her to be awake, but he'd needed somewhere to lie low and she was the first person he thought of. There was at least some chance she was awake. It wasn't too late that she'd defintely be asleep, though late enough that she'd probably be pissed at him. But facing an annoyed Rose was better than sitting in his car like a lovesick idiot.

As stealthily as he could manage, he crept around the side of the house towards her window, some sort of light coming out of it. Peering inside, he found her sitting on her bed, torch in one hand and book in the other. He grinned at that.

Rapping his knuckles against the glass, Rose almost blinded him when she pointed the torch in his eyes, but at least she knew it was him and not a burglar. Wouldn't want to scream and wake up her parents. It would be difficult to explain to them why he was at their daughter's window so late at night, and they certainly wouldn't let him see her again.

Hesitantly, Rose got up from the bed and crept across her room, careful to avoid that creaky floorboard of hers, and opened the window. She stuck her head out slightly, looking him over with a mix of suspicion and confusion. Her long dark hair curled around her shoulders, not yet plaited back so she couldn't have been planning on going to sleep anytime soon.

"What're you doing here?" She whispered.

"There was a rumble."

It wasn't much of an answer but he didn't have anything else to give her. Why had turned up to her house in particular? Who else would he have gone to. The cops would know to look for him at Buck's or at Angela's apartment. No one would be looking for him here.

"Okay." She said, obviously irritated by the lack of information.

This wasn't how he wanted it to go. Not that he'd expected her to let him in her room again, though a part of him may have hoped - a small part. The same part that may have wanted her to show some concern since he had been in a fight after all.

He wasn't sure what he wanted out of this encounter, but her parents interrupting them certainly wasn't a part of his plan. Whatever his plan was.

"You wanna come for a drive?"

Rose raised her eyebrows at him, like he'd propositioned her for sex or something. It was only a drive. Her silence made him uneasy, though he wasn't sure what he was more nervous about, her refusing to come or her actually coming.

Slowly, she nodded and he gave her a brief grin.

Once he got her in the car he didn't know where to take her. He hadn't planned any of this, but now he had her with him, so he took her to the first place he could think of.

Rose smiled slightly when he pulled up in front of the park. No doubt she was thinking of the last few times they'd been here together. At least those were some good memories of them, he didn't want to start this off on a bad foot. Not that he knew what _this_ was.

He got out of the car and she followed him to the bench, pulling her jacket around her tightly. She shifted closer to him, most likely to try and stay warm. He hadn't thought about the fact it was almost winter and she was outside in her pajamas.

"You gonna tell me the full story now?" Rose asked, raising her eyebrows at him.

"There was a rumble."

"I got that part." She teased, and he glared back. "Who were you fighting?"

"Brumly." He said. "One of them pulled a gun, so we had to split."

"Was anyone hurt?" She asked, and he shook his head.

"The cops'll probably be looking for me." Tim mused. "I shouldn't have come here, might get you in trouble."

"I can look after myself." She said. "It's not like you forced me to come with you."

"Still, I shouldn't have come." He persisted.

Rose rolled her eyes, muttering under breath. "Typical."

He may not have known what he wanted from her when he showed up at her house, but this certainly wasn't it. It might not have been considerate to drag her out of her house this late at night, but she was giving him a hell of a lot of attitude.

"Whadda ya mean?" He asked, gruffly.

"You always think you know best. Like I can't decide for myself what I want." She said, accusatorily.

This sudden display of anger had nothing to do with his actions tonight, but everything to do with his past indiscretions. He wasn't sure if she was baiting him but he doubted it. That wasn't who Rose was.

No, she could be stubborn when she wanted to be - and he never could predict when that was - and had a habit of stewing over things, but she didn't test people. She was too genuine for that.

Maybe that was why he wasn't half as defensive as he would've been if she were anyone else. He'd fucked up, even if he didn't admit it out loud he knew it was true. He'd let her down when that was the one thing he'd never wanted to do.

"I know you can decide for yourself." Tim finally said.

"Do you?" She asked, and Tim bristled. He was trying really damn hard to be understanding but she wasn't making it easy. "Do you regret it?"

 _Every damn time I look at you_ , he thought, but couldn't bring himself to say it. Or maybe wouldn't. It would be easier for him if he did, easier for them. She'd forgive him, he knew she would, if he told her how much he wanted her, how much he'd missed her. Still, he couldn't say it.

Silence wasn't an answer, but he hoped she understood what it meant.

"Why did you come to me?" She asked, her tone measured and careful, her eyes watching him with curiousity.

There were plenty of reasons he could've given, but he'd lied to her enough already.

"I needed to see you." He admitted, watching for her reaction. She kept her expression controlled, but her mind was ticking away like it always was.

What she took from the statement he didn't know, but it was the truth. Once he'd made sure Curly and the others got out safe she was the first thing he'd thought of her. Seeing her, talking to her, toucing her - although he wasn't likely to achieve the latter.

It wasn't until now, with the adrenaline worn off and some distance between him and the lot, that he realised how close he'd come to getting seriously hurt, even killed. He could've ended up just like a Dally, a dead hood that nobody cared about.

 _She'd care_ , a voice from the back of his head reminded him, _Rose would care_.

And she would. He remembered her at Dally's funeral, dressed in black, the picture of composure. Would she act like that at his? Probably. He couldn't imagine her breaking down in public, not even for him.

Rose didn't move her eyes from his as she reached her hand over to slip her fingers through his. Clearly she got some part of the message he was trying to convey, she usually did. Her skin was soft against his, cold, but he didn't mind. It had been such a long time since he'd touched her, but he could never forget what she felt like. It was seared into his memory, like everything else about her.

She smiled at him, soft and sweet, like she was trying to tell him that she understood. What he said, or him in general, it didn't matter, because she was all that mattered. He didn't know what to do with that thought, so he put it to the back of his mind.

"Did you at least win the rumble?" She asked.

Tim grinned, ruefully. "Had to leave 'fore we could. Shame, we were whipping their asses."

"I'll bet." She said. "Did the kid shoot the gun, or did he just pull it out?"

"He shot it." Tim said. "Damn miracle he didn't shoot anybody."

And it was. If he was religious he might've been thanking God right now, but God wasn't to thank for this, only a kid's shitty aim.

"You look like you didn't come out of it too bad." She observed. "Will the cops really be looking for you?"

"Maybe." He shrugged. "They mightn't care since no one got shot."

"But you didn't do anything wrong, other than fighting." She said. "So, you probably won't be going back to jail then?"

He could hardly fail to notice how hopeful she sounded. The idea of going back to prison didn't particularly bother him, but he liked that it apparently bothered her.

"Least not for that."

"Good."

Tim smirked. "And why's that good?"

"Because I don't want you to go to prison."

"Why?" He asked. "Miss me too much."

Rose didn't immediately respond, taking her time to think it over and he let her. He might've been goading her, but if he pushed her she'd say something she didn't mean. And he needed to know the truth.

"Because I want you to have a good life." She admitted. "And you can't have that if you're in jail."

For a moment he was too stunned to say or do anything. He'd only wanted her to admit to missing him, he hadn't expected her to say that. He'd hurt her terribly, something she still wasn't over, and he didn't deserve her forgiveness. That much he knew.

Yet here she was, still wanting the best for him. And dammit, he wanted her to forgive him because he wanted her. She was too good for him, he didn't deserve her, but he wanted her.

But that wasn't what she wanted, not yet anyway, and if he pushed her she may never want it.

"I should take you home."

He could've sworn she looked disappointed by that, but it was for the best. If he spent any longer with her he'd start saying all kinds of crazy things, and that would only get him in more trouble.

Rose nodded limply, running her thumb over the back of his, a chill running up his spine that had nothing do with the cold. He took a deep breath, and reluctantly released her hand. This girl would be the death of him.

For a moment, neither of them moved. Rose watched him expectantly, with those big brown eyes of hers that always made him feel all twisted up. She was waiting for something, for him to make some kind of move, and if he didn't leave now he wasn't sure what that move would be.

"C'mon." He said, quietly, rising from the bench with her following.

Neither of them spoke as they got into his car. Rose took to staring out the window, lost in her own head. He almost asked what she was thinking about, but didn't. That would sound too cheesy. But they would be at her house soon, and he wasn't ready for this to end yet.

"Sorry for showing up like this." He muttered. "Ain't fair on you."

"It's okay."

"Really?" He scoffed.

"Yeah." She nodded. "I'd rather you come to me then go anywhere else."

When he glanced towards her she blushed and averted her eyes, probably because of whatever implications she was making. The only other place she would've thought of would be Buck's, and that meant she'd rather him come to her then go there and get laid.

"Thanks." He replied, reaching out to take her hand.

She looked taken aback by the action, but she didn't pull away, and he could've sworn he could see her smiling slightly out of the corner of his eye.

When he pulled up a block from her house she didn't move to leave, and he didn't let go of her hand. He should've, but he didn't. Turning towards her, she wasn't looking at him but at their intertwined hands in her lap.

Tim shifted closer, pulling his hand back, although her gaze didn't move. He leant closer, reaching up to tuck a stray curl behind her ear, his fingers hesitating against her hair.

Finally she looked at him, watching him with interest, excitement almost but he might've imagined that. This was the closest he'd been to her in months, though it felt longer, and was probably the closest he'd be getting in awhile.

He forced himself not to look at her lips, knowing exactly where that would lead. It was what he wanted, to kiss her, again and again, until she didn't remember what it was like to kiss anyone else. To feel her naked body against his, to make love to her, again and again and again.

Woah, where the fuck did that come from?

"Tim." She whispered, snapping him back to reality, her voice hoarse and almost hopeful.

Tilting his head forward, he pressed a quick kiss to her cheek. It was the stupidest thing he could've done, but he had to do something.

"Thanks." He muttered, pulling back.

"You already said that." She pointed out, watching him with what might've been disappointment.

"I meant it." He said, looking back at the road.

"Okay." She said. "I guess I'll be going now."

"Okay."

Rose paused as she opened the door, glancing back at him. She looked as if she wanted to say something, but looked away instead, and then she was gone. Almost like she'd never been there, like tonight had never happened. But it had happened, and he'd probably gone and made everything worse.

* * *

 **If you want to see what happened at the rumble check out chapter twelve of Sweet Thing.**


	42. Chapter 42

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Forty Two**

 _November 1968_

By the end of every football season, Rose always regretted her decision to join the cheerleading team. The weather always took a turn for the worst, and although the changes to the uniform made for a more comfortable routine, they did not lend themselves to warmth. At least their team was terrible so they never got into the finals.

Rose had tried to convince Beth to join the team, but every time she attempted physical activity she was rather reminiscent of Bambi on ice, so persuasion fell rather flat. She still enjoyed cheering even without her best friend's participation. She hadn't expected to be good at it when she joined, much less find a dedicated pastime. Although, she doubted she could do it on her own. It would be much too embarrassing if she didn't have a team to hide behind.

Now they were in the nearing the end of the fourth quarter there wasn't much left for them to do. As usual, their team was being beaten mercilessly, and no amount of cheering was going to save them. It was this time of the game that they usually stopped paying attention and just starting chatting to pass the time.

"Looks like someone's checking you out." Sheryl told her, nodding towards the bleechers.

Rose looked behind her, and could've gagged at the sight of Ricky Stuart so obviously eyeing her up.

"I hope he stops."

"Why?" Sheryl asked. "I thought you two had a thing?"

"Why would you think that?"

"Because you did it."

"We didn't do anything." Rose said. "And if he told you different he's a liar."

For the rest of the game she couldn't help but herself from glancing back at Ricky, and each time she found herself wanting more and more to punch that smug look off of his face. She wasn't even surprised that he'd lied about what happened on their date. She'd embarrassed him and now he wanted to return the favour. It wasn't the smartest plan, considering there were witness to attest to the truth. Of course, if asked they might say she went home with Curly which didn't make her sound any better.

Once the game was over she had worked herself up into a right state, so much that there would be no way she wasn't going to confront him. He must have to predicted such an event, since he met her halfway, probably wanting to make this as public as possible. That almost had her backing down, but it was too late to budge now.

"What do you want?" Rose demanded.

"I don't want nothing from ya." Ricky said. "Got enough already."

"What's that supposed to mean?" She asked, though she knew exactly what he was referring to.

"That I don't go back for seconds." He said. "Ain't my style. I could be convinced though."

"You didn't even get a first."

Ricky shrugged. "That's your story."

She almost couldn't believe the nerve on this guy. To lie about having sex with her was one thing, but to lie to her face about as if she didn't know the truth was something else. Either he had a lot of guts or was very stupid. Probably both.

"It's the truth." Rose said. "I know it, you know it, the other people at the diner know it."

He chuckled sickeningly, leaning towards her. She wanted to move away but she wasn't about to give in and let him think he'd gotten to her.

"Truth's a matter of circumstance." He said, his lips curling up into a bitter grin.

She almost stamped her foot in anger as he slinked away, and only refrained because of the number of eyes now on her. There was no way any of the spectators had heard what was being said, but they hadn't missed the interaction entirely. She wanted to not care what they thought of it, but she couldn't help it. High school was an unforgiving place, and the worst thing a girl could have attached to her were rumours of promiscuity. Regardless of their veracity.

Even though she was only being watched by a handful of people, she felt suddenly very conscious of herself. Being the centre of attention had never sat well with her, much less so when that attention was negative.

Without even saying goodbye to her teammates, she bolted out of there, heading straight for the parking lot. Beth hadn't come to the game so she didn't even have anyone there to confide in or comfort her. Things could be worse. She could've actually had sex with a loser like Ricky, which would completely ruin her track record of above average sexual partners.

"Rose." A voice called out, and she turned back to see Curly approaching.

"You okay?" He asked. "What happened?"

"You were there that night at the diner with Ricky, you know nothing happened." She said, and he nodded in response. "Well, he's been telling people that something did happen."

"What's he saying happened?"

"That I had sex with him." She said, incredulously, "Like I would ever let him anywhere near me. That pig."

Curly grumbled something under his breath, clenching his fists as he started backing away from her.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm gonna set him straight."

"No, no, no." She protested, grabbing on to his arm to stop him. "We're at a school event, you'll get suspended or expelled. I can't ask you to do that."

"You think I care about getting suspended?" Curly asked, incredulously.

"No. But you should." She said. "Besides, if you go and beat him it'll make it look like he's telling the truth."

"I'd rather hit him."

"I know you would."

Rose wasn't sure why Curly had taken such a protective attitude towards her, but she wasn't about to complain. With Diego gone, it was nice to have a sort of brotherly figure. She loved Anthony, but at eight-years-old threats to beat someone up for her didn't amount to much.

"The Shepard brothers, my heroes." She said. "Thank God we aren't in a romance novel or else we'd be forced into a contrived love triangle."

"You've been watching too many movies." Curly muttered, shaking his head.

She didn't disagree with his observation, she was too grateful he didn't suddenly admit to having feelings for her. That would make things incredibly awkward.

The wind was starting to pick up, and Rose was regretting not bringing her jacket when she let out a shiver. Her short-sleeved top and knee-length skirt weren't doing much to protect her from the cold.

"Here." Curly said, taking off his jacket and handing it to her.

If it were anyone else she might've taken it as sentimentality, but Curly had a habit of being surprisingly generous when he wanted to be. Besides, he'd never admit to having such feelings, not to her at least.

"Thanks." She said. "For the jacket and the comfort. I didn't interrupt anything, did I?"

Curly shook his head. "Nah," he replied, before seemingly reconsidering. "Maybe, but she's probably waiting for me to come back."

"This mystery date wouldn't happen to be Peggy, would it?" She asked. "I heard about your fight with her boyfriend."

"Ex." Curly clarified. "Real asshole."

"Guys tend to be an asshole towards you when you want to date their girlfriend."

"Who said I wanted to date her?"

"Do you?"

Curly shrugged. "She ain't exactly my type."

"I thought anything with boobs was your type." Rose said. "Didn't take you for the picky kind."'

"I ain't picky." He replied, frowning.

By how defensive he was getting she was sure that she had interrupted something. If she were more prone to emotional expression she would've squealed in excitement. Peggy seemed like a nice girl, and sensible too, which Curly sorely needed. It would be good for him to settle down a little bit, from what she knew of him she thought he was surprisingly well-suited to a relationship. Unlike his brother.

"I also didn't take you for the kind of guy to take things slow."

"I'm not."

"Then why haven't you made a move yet?" Rose asked. "If you don't, someone else will."

"If I wanna do it, I'll do it." Curly said, petulantly. "I ain't gonna do it cause you want me to."

"Okay then." She said, unable to stop herself from grinning at his sudden sullen behaviour. "I'm gonna head home now, you want the jacket back?"

"Nah, take it." He said, waving it off. "You can give it back to me later."

Rose was grateful that he wasn't holding her pushiness against her, because she hadn't wanted to give the jacket back just yet. She did hope he took her advice and asked Peggy out. He was quite obviously into the girl, and Rose wasn't sure why he was pussyfooting around the issue. It wasn't Curly's usual way of dealing with things.

Although she'd been reluctant to give the jacket back then, she decided not to drag out her temporary ownership longer than a day. She guessed it was his only warm jacket, and it seemed almost cruel to unnecessarily keep it from him when the weather was getting colder.

When she pulled up outside his house she couldn't see his car in the driveway, and was about to leave when she locked eyes with Tim across the front yard. He was sitting on the porch, smoking a cigarette, and she was sure he'd been in deep thought before she'd arrived. Now that he'd seen her she could hardly leave without an explanation, so she grabbed the jacket from the seat next to her and stepped out of the car.

Tim stood up from the chair, moving to lean against the railing. He nodded to her, glancing down to the jacket and raising his eyebrows. It had been a week since she'd last seen him, since he'd shown up at her house in the middle of the night and confused the hell out of her.

She'd spent most of the last week trying to figure out their encounter, and how she felt about it. He'd almost kissed her and she'd almost let him, had wanted him to, still wanted him to. But then he'd been so brusque with her that she wondered what she had done to cause such a dramatic shift in behaviour.

"Curly around?" She asked, no doubt raising more questions in his mind.

"Why?"

"I borrowed his jacket last night, need to give it back." She explained, walking up to the steps. It was just enough distance, close enough to have a conversation but not close enough to suggest that she would be staying.

"Why'd he give you his jacket?" Tim asked, as cool as ever.

"Because, unlike you, he's nice to me."

"I'm nice to you."

"Sometimes."

"You wouldn't like me if I was nice to you all the time."

"Maybe."

It was obvious to her that he didn't mean like in the friendly way, but by now she had grown accustomed to his innuendos. That was the way with Tim, edging around his feelings in an effort to make them apparent without making them obvious.

"Can you give it to him?" She asked, handing the jacket out to him.

Tim nodded and took the jacket from her. They were both silent for a moment, neither wanting to end the conversation but not sure what to say. She almost smiled at the idea of leaving him speechless.

"We're having a party tonight at Buck's." Tim told her. "For my birthday."

"But you're birthday's not til Tuesday." She pointed out, and he smirked in response.

"We're celebrating early." He replied. "You can come if ya want."

He'd put the ball in her court, shifted responsibility for the decision making, but she didn't miss the implication. Even if he didn't outright say it, he wanted her there. Outwardly he was cool as ever, but she wondered if maybe he was anxious about her turning him down.

"I'll think about it."

Tim nodded, his expression painfully neutral. He was disappointed that she hadn't given him a definitive answer, otherwise he would've smirked or grinned or something to show his pride. She almost promised to come but she didn't, because that would mean she couldn't change her mind. Not that she even thought she wanted to.


	43. Chapter 43

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Forty Three**

 _November 1968_

There had been a constant flow of people coming into Buck's, most of them were familiar faces, but some weren't. They'd probably heard there was a party going on and figured that meant free booze. Tim didn't pay any of them much attention when they came up to wish him happy birthday, or when they tried to talk to him. It wasn't that he didn't care, but he didn't.

The party had started hours ago and yet there was still no sign of Rose. Every so often, Tim found himself glancing towards the door like he expected her to walk through at that very moment. It had been pathetic of him to ask her to come, and even more pathetic that he'd hoped she would. She was just some chick, after all.

No, she wasn't. She was a hell of a lot more than that, had been for years. Of course he'd only realise that when she decided to be 'just friends'. And after how he'd acted last week it would be a surprise if she ever wanted to talk to him again.

The sound of the door opening made Tim look up, and she was there. Her dark eyes found his instantly, but neither of them moved or even greeted each other, they only stared.

She'd come, a part of him always knew she would. Even if she only wanted to be friends, even if she couldn't forgive him, it didn't matter because she was here. He wanted to go to her, to apologise ten times over and beg for forgiveness he doesn't deserve.

Maybe it was the alcohol that had him being so damn sentimental. She looked beautiful. Her dark falling down her back, curling around the soft skin of her neck. He almost grinned at the memory of how it tasted. They'd been in such a rush that night that he'd never gotten a good look at her. He swore that if he ever got the chance he would burn the image of her naked body into his mind.

Yeah, it was defintely the drinks that had him thinking this way.

Rose's friend, Beth was it, whispered something in her ear and they shifted out of the way, unblocking the door. He lost sight of her when she disappeared into the crowd, but had no trouble finding her again. It didn't matter how much time had passed between looks he always found her immediately, always knew where she was, like a sixth sense or something. Half the time he glanced her way he found her watching him too.

"You gonna talk to her?" Charlie asked from his seat beside Tim.

"Who?"

"That girl you keep looking at."

Tim had been best friends with Charlie Walker for years now, but even he didn't know about what happened with Rose. He'd made a promise not to tell anyone and he'd kept it, even if Rose hadn't been as diligent in her secret keeping. He'd never even spoke of her to Charlie. The only girls they talked about were the one-night stands and brief girlfriends, and neither category seemed the correct place to put Rose.

"That's Diego's sister, ain't it?" Charlie asked.

"Rose."

"She's a looker alright." Charlie said. "Decent chest."

Charlie ignored Tim's glare, giving him a grin in return. Even though he knew Charlie was only trying to get a rise out of him it still irked him. Knowing that other guys wanted her was one thing, but hearing them voice those thoughts, thoughts he'd had himself, was something completely different.

"Doesn't matter now cause she's coming over." Charlie told him.

Tim glanced over his shoulder to see Rose weaving her way through the crowd towards them. Charlie was right, she was looking damn good tonight. Not that she didn't look good every night, but that dress was showing off her curves in a way that made him thankful he was the only one here who knew what was under the clothes.

"Hey."

It was the most unoriginal line and Rose almost kicked herself. She'd been playing out this conversation in her head all day and it always started better. Not that it mattered. She didn't need to jump through fire to get Tim's attention, it happened naturally.

"Didn't think you'd come." Tim said.

She'd convinced herself out of coming at least a dozen times that day, only to convince herself back into coming. Staying away would've maintained the equilibrium they'd established, the one that had been slowly slipping away ever since the rumble. Probably since before that if she was being honest.

And she was starting to care less and less about keeping things as they were.

"I wasn't sure if I was going to." She admitted. "But it's for your birthday, so I thought I should."

That left her real reason for coming unspoken, but she hoped he could gather enough from her presence alone. She was here because she wanted to be, because he wanted her to be, and she needed to see what that meant for them.

"I'd say I'll return the favour but I know you hate your birthday."

"Thanks." She said, glancing to the guy sitting next to Tim. "I'm Rose."

"Charlie." He replied, nodding to her as he stood up. "I'll see you later." He told Tim, giving him a sly look as he brushed past her.

"He didn't have to leave." Rose said. "I was just coming over to say happy birthday."

"Why, you leaving?"

"No." She said. "Actually, I think Beth does want to leave soon."

"And you don't?"

"No."

"Why?"

Of course he had to go and put her on the spot like that. He only ever did it when he already knew the answer. She was at a party with people she didn't know who were getting progressively drunker while she remained sober. It didn't take a genius to figure out that he was her only real reason to be there.

"I'm just not ready to leave yet." She said, sitting down next to him. "Are you having a nice time?"

"It's alright." He shrugged. "Can't complain about the free booze."

"S'pose not."

Rose shifted closer until their legs were brushing up against each other. She wanted to do more, to lean against him, or take his hand, or something else to make it clear what she couldn't say right now. But he wouldn't accept the affection in such a public place.

He was too on edge. Out here in public, with so many eyes watching them, there's no way he would relax. His guard was up, conscious of every move for fear one wrong move and the image he'd built up of himself would crumble.

She needed to get him alone if she wanted to talk to him. But this was his party and it wasn't fair to drag him away from his friends. If he even wanted to talk to her, he certainly hadn't wanted to kiss her last week.

But then he settled his hand on her knee, and she wondered if maybe he had wanted to.

One of his friends came up - Jack, maybe - and took the seat across from them that had previously been occupied by Charlie. If he noticed the glare Tim sent him he didn't let on. He also didn't notice that Tim was not listening to a goddamn word he said, more focused on the circles he was tracing into her knee with his thumb.

"Who's this?" Jack asked, nodding his head towards her.

"This is Rose." Tim replied.

Clearly, Jack wanted more detail then that. His eyes flicked between them, not failing to notice their proximity or the position of Tim's hand. He grinned at Tim, and it was a surprise he wasn't wagging his eyebrows at him.

"You only turn twenty-one once, huh." Jack remarked, giving Tim a sly wink before rising from the chair.

Rose's mouth fell open in horror. She wanted to protest against his insinuations but he left before she could. Sure, Tim usually didn't show physical affection to girls if he wasn't planning on sleeping with them. And sure, he usually didn't keep hirls around for long after that.

But to hear their relationship reduced down to _that_. As if she were no different to all those other girls. As if she meant nothing more to him than a one-night-stand when she knew the truth.

Well, not the whole truth. He'd never said exactly what she meant to him but she meant a whole lot. Of that she was certain, as certain as she was that he meant the whole damn world to her. There was too much history between them, too many feelings, for him to mean anything less.

"You okay?" Tim whispered, watching her with concern. "Jack don't know when to shut his mouth."

"But it's not like that." Rose muttered.

"Huh."

"It's not like that." She repeated.

"Then what is it like?"

"You know."

Tim furrowed his brow at her, and she wondered if possibly he didn't actually know. He could always read her so well, better than anyone else, but he was still so obviously clueless about why she was here. What did he think, that she came to this party for any reason other than him?

How could he be so blind to how she felt? Didn't he know how she ached for him, needed him in a way she had never and would never need another. There was a void in her that only he could fill, others had tried but they could never measure up. For her, everything began and ended with him.

And he had no idea. Or worse, he did know and was only sparing her feelings with feigned ignorance. Or maybe he was using those feelings to get what he wanted from her, only to discard when he got bored.

"Rose." He said, watching her with...concern. No, that couldn't be it. He wasn't concerned for her, only for himself.

Her shoulders slumped as she dropped her gaze to the floor. "I think I'll go find Beth." She muttered, not waiting for him to reply before leaving.

It had been stupid of her to come here with no clear indication that Tim returned her feelings. Hopeful, but woefully naive of her to assume that Tim felt anything for her at all. Maybe the only reason he had paid any attention to her tonight was because she was the first girl to pathetically throw herself at him. Now he had failed with her he'd move on to his next unwitting victim.

To think, she had almost forgiven him.

 _You have forgiven him_ , a voice said in the back of her head, _or else you wouldn't be here_.

But she pushed that voice away.

"What he'd do?" Beth asked, as she rejoined her at the bar.

"He doesn't care about me." She murmured, folding her arms.

"Did he say that?"

"He didn't have to."

Beth raised her eyebrows, cocking her head. "I find it very hard to believe, after everything, he doesn't care about you." She said. "He hasn't taken his eyes off of you since we got here. And if sex was all he wanted there are plenty of girls here are willing to put out."

"He didn't come after me." Rose pointed out.

He wasn't so thick that he couldn't tell she was upset, unless he chose otherwise, and yet he hadn't followed her, hadn't checked to see if she was okay.

 _Yes he did_ , the voice told her.

Alright, she conceded that maybe he was showing concern but that hardly constituted an excessive amount of care. In fact, he could be pretty damn careless with her feelings, and had been on multiple occasions. Of course, there were plenty of times where he was awfully considerate, where he tried so hard to be what she needed.

"What're you two so scared of?" Beth asked, shaking her head before slipping into the crowd.

Rose was scared of plenty of things - Tim having feelings for her, Tim _not_ having feelings for her, that would never move past where they were, that they _would_ move past where they were. What if they got together and he hurt her again? Or they realised they didn't work as a couple.

There were too many possible outcomes that weren't what she wanted. Too many things could go wrong. And she couldn't stand to think of a future for her that Tim wasn't a part of, in some way or another.

And maybe Tim was as terrified as her. The last time he'd tried to reach out to her she rejected him, and he wasn't one who often allowed himself such vulnerability. Maybe he was as insecure about her feelings as she was about his.

Tim was always so self-assured that it was difficult to think of him as being afflicted with uncertainty, but nothing about their relationship had ever been clear-cut or obvious to anyone but them. And sometimes they weren't even sure what was going on.

Was it possible that Curly was right, and they were pussyfooting around each other? Avoiding the real reason that they'd never progressed to anything serious - they were both too scared of getting hurt to let anyone in. Fear had never gotten her anywhere in the past, and she couldn't let it stop her now. Not when she knew that he was exactly what she wanted, even if he hadn't realised that yet.

Unfortunately, when she turned around it wasn't Tim standing in front of her, but Ricky Stuart. Her stomach dropped at the sight of his malicious smirk.

"Ah, Rose, looking as good as always." Ricky drawled.

His eyes inspected every inch of skin as he looked her up and down, hesitating at the hemline of her dress with a hungry expression. Rose pulled down her dress as far as it could go, feeling as if she needed to scrub herself clean.

Summoming whatever courage she had, she narrowed her eyes at him. "Do you want something?"

Ricky took a step forward and instintively she moved away, her back hitting the bar behind her. "I'd like to see that dress of of you." He replied, tugging at her hem.

"Whadda ya say?" Ricky continued, leaning in. "Let me show you a good time, huh, let me teach you a few things ole' Timmy over there don't know."

Her brain was screaming at her to slap his hand away, push him, do something, but she couldn't. Her arms remained stiff at her sides, her legs having forgotten how to work. She quickly scanned the room for a way out but found none. Everyone was too engrossed in their own conversations to notice, and Tim and Beth were nowhere to be seen. She was on her own.

Chanelling Angela as much as she could, she straightened her back and stuck out her chin.

"I don't think so." She told him.

There was an empty glass on the counter next to her, it would be easy for her to grab it if she had to. But Ricky wouldn't do anything that stupid, not with this many people around. At least that's what she was hoping.

"C'mon,"

"She said no." A gruff voice came from behind him.

Ricky whipped around to find himself face-to-face with a murderous looking Tim. She hadn't seen him approach, but a part of her wasn't surprised that he did. He always knew when she was in trouble, and he always came when she needed him. His eyes flicked towards her, and she nodded in response.

In truth, her heart was still racing, although she could now move freely, but she was alright and that's all he'd wanted to know.

"Relax, Tim, we were just having some fun." Ricky half-heartedly claimed. "You already had your fun with her, but I guess you can have her back when I'm done."

If everyone weren't already watching the exchange they were now. Rose could've melted into a puddle on the floor. That would've been more enjoyable than having the entire room staring at her, while Ricky Stuart announced her sex life to the world. No one had known about her and Tim for years, and now that was all shot to shit because of Ricky's big mouth and bruised ego.

Tim's fists curled at his side, and Rose sucked in her breath. "Outside. Now." He practically growled.

Ricky sneered at her, knocking into her shoulder as he passed. Tim's lips furled up, and if Ricky hadn't already gone he would've gotten his beat down early. Although she'd never actually seen Tim fight she'd heard enough to find Ricky's confidence ill-advised.

The rest of the partygoers started filtering out, eager for the entertainment. As Tim passed her she reached out to take ahold of his arm.

"You don't have to do this." She told him. His eyes glinted with excitement, the kind that only came from the thrill of the fight, as he leaned in closer.

Tim's mere presence wiped away the sickening feeling Ricky had left. It was warm and inviting - that familiar inner strength of his that promised to always protect her. She wanted to envelope herself in his arms, bury herself in the knowledge that no matter what happened she'd be safe because he was there.

"Relax, baby." He whispered so only she could hear. "I got this."

She could've kissed him. Would have too, if not for the crowd milling around them. Their first kiss in almost a year-and-a-half was going to be epic. Not something she wanted to share with anyone but him.

"Good luck." Rose said, brushing her hand against his as she dropped it back to her side, her fingers tingling from his touch.

"Don't need luck." Tim said, flashing her a grin before he backed away to the door.

Beth rejoined her as they followed him outside. The crowd seemingly parted for her, like they thought she deserved a front row seat as the purpose of the fight. She would've preferred to hang at the back out of sight. Besides the fight between her brother and Dallas Winston years ago, she'd never actually witnessed a fight in real life.

The two boys were circling each other, Tim watching his opponent with a cold stare that would have most quivering in fright. The crowd buzzed with excitement, everyone on edge as they eagerly waited for the action to start.

Ricky threw the first punch, but Tim expertly dodged it, landing his own in Ricky's stomach. Shoving Ricky away, Tim readied himself. It wasn't a smart move, he'd passed up on an opportunity to end the fight quickly, but that wasn't what he wanted. He wanted to beat the shit out of Ricky for what he said about her, and she almost smiled at that.

This time Ricky's fist connected with Tim's face, and Rose dug her nails further into her palms. He was only momentarily dazed, returning the blow and causing Ricky to stumble backwards, almost tripping over before he righted himself.

"I didn't think she was that good of a fuck." Ricky taunted. "Must've given you a better time."

That was enough for Tim to see red. Charging at him, she wasn't sure if Tim pushed Ricky down or if he fell over himself trying to get away. But the next thing she knew they were on the ground, and Tim was punching his face over and over again.

Tim's back was facing her so she couldn't see the damage he was inflicting and for that she was glad. She didn't have the stomach for violence, even if it was done to protect her reputation.

Finally, Tim stood up. Ricky was still moving so at least he wasn't dead, but all he did was roll to his side and groan. Now that the fight was over the spectators quickly grew bored, and starting returning to the party.

Charlie approached Tim, but he was the only one. She figured that usually girls would be throwing themselves at the victor, but she supposed you'd have to be desperate to throw yourself at someone who had just fought for some other girl.

When Tim looked her way all she wanted to do was throw herself into his arms and kiss him senseless. But there were still too many prying eyes, too many people interested in spreading gossip, and she'd already given them enough to talk about tonight.

They both looked away, and Rose retreated back inside, Beth hot on her tail.

"Still think he doesn't care about you?" Beth asked, grinning giddily. "Protecting your honour, think he might fancy himself your hero or something."

"Don't be so dramatic." Rose said, but she was smiling herself, watching as Tim passed through the crowd and climbed the stairs.

No doubt he was going to clean himself up in the bathroom. He could've done it down here since he hadn't taken much damage, but he'd wanted privacy and she had pretty good idea why.

"I'm going to go see if he's okay." Rose said.

"Okay, but if you're not back in twenty minutes I'm leaving." Beth said.

She didn't bother protesting the implications. If she went up there and said what she was planning to there was only one way it would end. And that's exactly what she wanted to happen.


	44. Chapter 44

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Forty Four**

 _November 1968_

The bathroom was cramped, with a shower, toilet and sink thrown into what amounted to an oversized closet. The mirror had a crack going diagonally across, which made it hard for Tim to assess the damage. From what he could see there wasn't much. Maybe he'd bruise a bit, but it was far from the worst injuries he'd ever sustained.

His knuckles hurt though. They'd probably be aching tomorrow, but he didn't regret what he'd done, not one bit. Ricky deserved every hit, and Tim had felt some sick satisfaction from the crunching sound his fist had made when it connected with his face. Rose had been the only reason he hadn't done more damage.

She was probably still downstairs, if she hadn't already left. This might've been enough to drive her away for good. _Maybe that was for the best_ , he thought, but he didn't believe it, couldn't believe it. Not when they felt so close to something. He'd called her baby, and it was probably the alcohol and the thrill of an impending fight that had him saying such things, but he'd be damned if it didn't feel right.

His hands stung as he ran them under the faucet, his blood mixing in with the water draining down the sink. The tapping sound on the door was so quiet he didn't hear it the first time. It was too soft to be Charlie checking up on him, defintely a girl though.

"Busy." He called out, hoping that would send them away. He didn't care how busting they were to go to the toilet, there were bushes outside if they were that desperate.

The door creaked open, and he was about to snap at whoever dared to ignore him but the words died in his mouth when he saw her. He almost smirked in satisfaction. She'd come. She hadn't even waited five minutes.

"Can I come in?"

Her voice was soft and unsure, those dark eyes staring into his unflinchingly. He nodded in response and she shifted inside, the sound of the door closing behind her remining him of the first time he'd been thrown in a cell with those bars slamming shut. But then he looked at her small figure, standing unquestionably, as if this was her space, like this was where she belonged. In that moment, she looked ten feet tall.

"Are you okay?"

"Not too bad." He reported. "Ricky ain't never been a good fighter."

"And here I thought you were risking life and limb for me." She teased, but her tone was wistful almost.

Taking his hands in hers, she ran her thumbs over his knuckles, her skin soft against his own weathered hands. For a moment neither of them said anything. The silence between them was warm and familiar.

"Why'd you do that?"

He'd been expecting the question, but he still wished she hadn't asked. She already knew, how could she not, he'd made it pretty clear.

"Cause he shouldn't be saying that shit about you."

"But why me?" She asked. "Plenty of guys say stuff like that about other girls, and you don't go around defending them. Why am I different?"

"You know why."

"Let's say I don't."

Her eyes had a mischevious glint to them, but there was also something desperate in them. It felt like they were standing on a precipice, and one word from him would send them over. But another word, the right word, might just save them.

He knew what she wanted to hear, what he needed to say. That she was one of the few people he cared about. That he'd been almost blind with rage at the thought of another man hurting her. That somehow, over the years, she'd wormed her way into his life, carving out a place of her own.

"Because you're different." He finally said. "You matter."

"To you?"

Tim waited a beat before replying. "To me."

The words had a bittersweet taste to them. They'd been hanging between them for years, unspoken but no less present. Even when he'd pretended otherwise a part of him had always known the truth.

She was smiling now, bright and beautiful, heartbreakingly so. There was no sadness to her now, only an unwavering confidence, in what he didn't know. He hoped it was in him. God knows he didn't deserve it, but he wanted it all the same.

Rose inched closer, within arm's reach, and he wanted nothing more than to take her into his arms. He needed it - her - more than anything else. He didn't even care about sex, it was her that he wanted.

"You couldn't have said that a year ago?"

Tim smiled wryly, slipping his hands to grip her waist. "Guess I'm a slow learner."

"That's okay," she said, pressing her hands against his chest as she stretched herself up towards him. "I'm patient."

"I know," he said, cupping her face in his hands, her face so close to his now it was almost painful, "I know."

And then he pressed his lips to hers in a slow and searing kiss. He could taste the alcohol on her breath, or maybe it was his, the blood was. There wasn't a distinction anymore, no his or hers, only theirs. He wrapped an arm tightly around her, pulling her in closer so her body melted into his.

Flicking her hair over her shoulder, he trailed his lips down her jaw to the soft skin of the crook of her neck, smirking into the kiss at the moan that escaped from her lips. She stretched out on the balls of her feet, arching against him.

Moving his hands down to hook underneath her thighs he lifted her up, sitting her on the edge of the sink. Almost instinctively, she wrapped her legs around his waist, drawing him back in.

Taking his face in her hands, she looked at him with such softness it almost broke him. He was no stranger to sex but this was different, even from the last time all those years ago. There would be no walking away from her this time.

"I want you, Tim," she whispered, her smile practically glowing.

She'd said those words before. _I left her then_ , he remembered, _I won't leave her now_. It would break her heart if he left her again.

"I want you too, baby." He said, resting his forehead against hers. "So fucking much."

They stayed like that for awhile. His head burrowed in her neck as she ran a soothing hand through his hair, while his thumb traced circles into her knee. Neither said anything, they didn't have to. It had been almost a year and a half since he'd last had her this close to him, and now that he did he didn't want to let her go.

"D'you wanna go back to the party?"

Tim lifted his head up to look at her.

"Nah." He answered, waiting a beat before continuing. "I got a room."

"Already planned on getting lucky were you." She teased, half-heartedly.

 _Only with you_.

"I was planning on getting so drunk I couldn't drive home." He said. "D'you wanna,"

"Yes."

Tim grinned. "You didn't even wait for me to ask the question."

"Because I already knew what it was."

Slipping off the sink, she took his hand in hers, leading him out of the bathroom. It took him a moment to remember which room it was, rather distracted by the feeling of Rose pressed against his side and his anticipation for what was about to happen. It had been three years since the night of Dally's funeral. He'd had plenty of girls in between then, but none of them were Rose.

When he unlocked the door, she stepped through first. She stood beside the bed, appraising the room with a sad expression. She'd been up in the rooms once before with Dallas Winston. _This time'll be different_ , he told himself, _I'm not Dally_.

She turned back to face him as he shut the door and for a second he thought she was going to leave. Instead she reached down to the hem of her dress, lifting it up and over her head, dropping it to the floor. There was too much space between them, but those dark eyes had him frozen. She smirked slightly, raising her eyebrows at him.

 _Right, clothes, off_.

He practically ripped his shirt off, the rest of his clothes following. Then they were both naked, and he wasted no time in getting her into the bed. It was different than last time. Slower, less rushed. He'd dragged out every moment trying to make up for all their lost time. She'd whispered to him in Spanish, and although he couldn't understand it, her voice was enough to drive him wild.

She was still shy, though. Once they had finished she'd clutched at the sheets, hiding herself from him. He wondered if maybe she regretted it, but then she looked at him with such contentment and he knew. What he knew he wasn't sure, but it was something.

"You good?" He asked.

Rose nodded. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom."

He nodded back at her, watching her slip out of the bed with her back to him, pulling on her underwear and his shirt. She paused when she reached the door, glancing back at him hesitantly.

"See you in five." He said, and she smiled before slipping out the door.

The room was quiet now that she was gone. He could hear the party raging downstairs, and he wondered if anyone had noticed he'd disappeared. Probably, not that it mattered, he wasn't going back down there for the rest of the night.

Grabbing his jeans he pulled his packet of cigarettes out, taking one out and lighting it. Resting his back against the wall, he breathed in the smoke. Nothing quite like a good smoke after sex.

Tim glanced at the clock on the wall. _1:13_. The high from the fight was wearing off, and he could feel himself dozing off but he didn't want to sleep yet. It was still early. Him and Rose could fit a few more rounds in, and even if they didn't he still wasn't ready for the morning. He'd have to face the reality of what just happened, and he wasn't sure how ready for that he was.

When Rose returned she quietly slipped back into the bed, laying down beside him. She was close enough to touch but was keeping her distance, watching him with hesitancy. Finally, she reached out her arm to lay across him, and when he didn't push her away she shifted closer, resting her head against his chest. Somewhat tentatively, he slipped his arm around her.

Her hair ran rampant on his chest, a wild mass of dark curls that always smelt like apples. He'd almost forgotten how brown her skin looked next to his. He'd almost forgotten what it was like to have a warm body laying next to his, how it felt to have her this close. After everything he'd done, having her her with him now must've been some kind of miracle.

It was peaceful, laying in silence with Rose. He was almost asleep when he felt her move, turning over to face him, her elbows pressed against the bed as she rested her head in her palms. Her expression was distant, forcefully so.

"I don't want this to be like last time." She admitted, resolutely.

Tim smirked. "You don't want me not to tell people."

"I think that ship has sailed." She replied. "You know what I mean. I want this to mean something."

"Meant something last time."

Rose furrowed her brow as if this was a new piece of information, then shook her head in frustration. He knew what she wanted to hear. It was the same thing she'd wanted to hear a year ago, he just hadn't been ready to say it yet.

"I ain't planning on going anywhere." He continued, raising his hand to cup her cheek.

Her eyes lit up at those words, grinning playfully at him. "You've got a soft spot for me, have you?"

"Is it here?" She asked, pressing a kiss just above his navel.

"Or here?" Pressing another kiss over his heart.

"Or here?" This time it was his lips she kissed.

Tim smiled into the kiss, pulling her over onto his lap.


	45. Chapter 45

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Forty Five**

 _November 1968_

The sun streamed through the curtains they'd forgotten to close last night. It had been at least half an hour since Tim woke up, but he made no attempt to rouse Rose. He'd gotten her out of his shirt and now she laid with her bare back to him, her skin soft and begging to be touched. He counted the freckles on her back.

It was almost peaceful, laying there watching her, not having to think about anything but what they'd done the night before. Even with her back to him, he didn't need to see Rose to guess what she looked like right now. He'd spent all night memorising her, every single fucking inch of her. He grinned at the memory.

But he couldn't lay there forever. It was still early. Downstairs would be empty, and Rose might not wake for hours. Rolling over he pulled his clothes back on, careful not to disturb her as he slipped out the door.

There was no one at the bar apart from Buck, and for that he was thankful. He didn't need anyone sticking their nose in his business. Buck set the coffee down in front of Tim, and there he sat at the bar drinking in silence.

Soon enough people would start trickling down from the bedrooms, either hungover or still drunk from the night before. He wanted to be gone before they did. Maybe they could swing by the diner for breakfast before he dropped Rose home, be really fucking domestic.

Putting the empty cup down, he pinched his nose, rubbing his face. He had a naked girl in his bed and here he was thinking about food. If it were any other girl he'd have thought he'd gone crazy. _If it were any other girl you wouldn't still be here_.

He was about to go back upstairs when he spotted a girl standing in the doorway, looking anxiously around the room, tightly gripping the duffel bag in her hands. She looked relieved when she saw him, marching over. It took a second before he recognised her from the night before.

"You lookin' for Rose?"

"Yeah," Beth said. "Give her this and tell her I'll be waiting outside in my car."

"Alright." He replied, gruffly, taking the bag from her. He didn't appreciate her giving him orders, or the disdainful way she looked at him, but he'd play nice for now.

He'd reached the foot of the stairs when she called out his name and he turned back.

"Don't screw her over again." Beth said, sternly.

Tim could feel Buck watching him in trepidation, wondering what he'd do next. It wasn't often that he let people speak to him like that, but he'd be lying if he wasn't thinking it himself. He'd sworn to himself last night that he wouldn't hurt her again, not her. Not when she'd been so patient and forgiving and so fucking good. Too good for him.

Maybe if he made the promise to someone else he'd have to keep it.

"I won't."

The bed was cold when Rose woke. She reached her arm out but all she found were empty sheets. His clothes were gone too. Her heart fell as she clutched the sheets to her chest, sitting up. They'd spent all night making love and now he'd left her to wake up alone.

He hadn't left her, not again, not after everything they'd said and done. His clothes were gone, but there was still a packet of cigarettes on the bedside table. _Maybe that was his thank you gift_ , she thought grimly, _doesn't even remember that I don't smoke_.

The door opened, startling Rose so much she almost fell out of the bed. She breathed a sigh of relief when Tim entered, but the feeling was immediately replaced by a desire to strangle him for leaving her.

"Went down for a coffee." He explained. "Didn't want to wake you."

"Thanks." She muttered.

It was awkward now they were no longer in the throes of passionate love making and actually had to face reality. If Rose could have her way last night would've lasted for eternity. She would've bottled it up and lived in that moment forever. But that wasn't the way things worked in the real world.

"Beth gave me this." He said, tossing the bag on to the bed. "Told me to tell you she's waiting downstairs."

"Why?"

"To take you home I'm guessing." He said. "Your folks gonna be mad 'bout you staying here with me."

"I'd planned on staying at Beth's, so they won't know."

"Probably for the best."

That was where Tim ended the explanation, sitting down on the bed and lighting a cigarette. _Of course he just expected me to do as I'm told_ , she thought, _everyone else followed his orders, why would I be any different?_

Neither of them spoke as she pulled her clothes on, but she could feel his eyes on her. Even if he wasn't watching her she'd still sense his presence. It was heavy, but familiar, safe almost.

Once she was fully clothed again she sat back down on the bed, nudging Tim's knee out of the way. There was no brush in the bag, so she had to do with running her hands through her hair.

"Why's it for the best?" She asked, finally meeting his cold blue eyes.

Tim shrugged."Don't want you getting in trouble, now. It'll be hard to see you if you're grounded. I'll have to sneak through your window again."

"Who's to say I'd let you in?" She asked, smiling slyly.

"I think you would."

"Willing to bet on it?"

Tim smirked, chuckling at her. "I'd bet the whole fucking house on you."

It was hardly a line from a romance novel but it made her heart beat faster than anything she'd ever read. She'd been waiting for years for this moment, but she'd always known how he felt about her. Deep down, she'd always known they'd end up here eventually. This wasn't a moment of triumph, it was a realisation of what they'd both spent so long wanting.

"Does this mean I'm your girlfriend now?"

Tim sucked in his breath, considering her. "S'pose so."

"Good." She replied, leaning forward to kiss him. "I'll see you later then?"

"Yeah."

Beth was staring pensively our the window when Rose joined her in the car. She muttered a quick hello, but said nothing as she pulled out of the parking lot. All she did was glare intensively at the road.

"You want to ask me about it, don't you?" Rose said.

"What's to know?" Beth asked. "Did you sleep together?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "We're together now."

"Together? Like together together?" Beth asked. "As in boyfriend and girlfriend? Exclusive? Going steady?"

"All those things, whatever label you want to call it." She said. "You seem surprised."

"Didn't think he had it in him to realise just how crazy about you he really is." Beth admitted. "I thought his head was too far up his ass."

"Clearly not."

"Are you sure about this?" Beth continued.

Was she? He'd hurt her so many times already, what made this time different. _He's different, we're different_. For absolutely no logical reason and against her better judgment, she trusted him. It just felt right. _Him and I_. There was something so right with them that made all the wrong nothing but white noise.

"Yes."

"He's gonna hurt you again."

"Maybe."

And if he did, at least it would be her choice, no one else's. Diego will pitch a fit when he finds out, and her mother won't be too happy either, but it didn't matter. She knew her heart better than any of them. This was the right decision, she was sure of it.

Her parents didn't suspect a thing when she lied about where she spent the night. They might, or at least Marta might, when they found out her and Tim were together again. _Not again_ , she reminded herself, _we were never together before_. But that was all in the past now.

The rest of the day passed like a summer breeze, where everything was warm and good. It was as if she had put rose tinted glasses over her eyes and everything was somehow more beautiful. They would have to come off, no doubt, but she would enjoy the sights while she could.

If her absentmindedness was noticed by her family they said nothing. Or maybe their silence was telling in itself. It wasn't too cold for a November afternoon, so she settled on the couch on the porch to read a romance novel. She thought it only fitting for the occasion.

Tim wasn't sure where he'd been heading until he ended up at Rose's house, and he didn't know why he'd ever doubted where he was going. It had been six hours and here he was, standing at her fence, like some kind of lovesick fool. It was fucking pathetic, but she'd seen him so now he couldn't exactly leave.

Rose watched as he walked up the pathway, not moving to get up, but smiling softly at him. The couch was the same one that had sat here for as long as he could remember her living in Tulsa. It was the couch where he'd broken up with her only a year ago. The memory made him jittery, like a caged animal. He needed a cigarette to calm his nerves. He told himself this wasn't going to be like last time, but history has a way of repeating itself.

"You wanna sit?" She asked, moving the book from the spot beside her.

Tim slunk down into the chair, casually throwing his arm around her like this was something normal for them. Maybe it would be, someday.

"What're you reading?"

"Pride and Prejudice." She answered. "Don't think you'd like it, too much romance."

"Is that the kinda books you like?"

"Sometimes." She said. "The love interest's one of my favourites. He actually listens to and accepts rejection without trying to convince the woman he knows better. A novel concept to be sure."

Tim chuckled at that, and she smiled to herself. They sat like that for awhile. Her reading while he smoked a cigarette, and then another. There was a tranquility to the quiet between them. Tim had always liked that about Rose. Most girls felt the need to fill every silence with bullshit, but not her. She never needed to ask him what he was thinking, she always already knew.

It was starting to get dark by the time either one of them spoke.

"I should probably head home." Tim announced.

"You could stay for dinner." Rose suggested, and he raised his eyebrows at her. She let out a laugh, playfully elbowing him. "Don't worry, I'm only kidding."

"Maybe another time." He said, and she regarded him with mild surprise.

Tim had almost made it to the fence when she called out his name, and he turned to see her leaning against the porch.

"You know we've gotta tell Angela about us."

"Fuck." Tim muttered. "She's gonna pitch a fit."

"No she won't."

Tim raised his eyebrows at her. "Well she ain't gonna be happy about it."

"Then that's her problem." Rose said. "She'll find out eventually. It's better if it comes from us, sooner rather than later."

"This some kind of test?"

"Maybe."

Tossing his cigarette onto the pavement, he crushed it with his foot. "You don't gotta do that with me. I'm here, ain't I."

"Yeah, you're here."


	46. Chapter 46

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Forty Six**

 _November 1968_

Rose had been Tim's girlfriend for two weeks now and it still didn't seem entirely real. Nothing much had changed, and yet everything had changed. She couldn't quite pinpoint the change, but people acted differently around her now. Some of them whispered behind her back. Sarah Davis had enough gall to ask her if Tim was any good in the bedroom. She hadn't deigned to answer that one, and for the most she ignored the sudden curiosity.

Angela had been surprisingly understanding. Well, as understanding as Angela could be. She'd kept the bitching to a minimum, which was almost medal worthy. Her family hadn't said anything yet, even though they knew it was Tim who was picking her up. He'd only been around a hand full of times, but more often than she expected. More often than she needed, if she were honest.

The gossip at school was beginning to die down, and soon her relationship would be old news. People would get used to it, and eventually it would be normal, almost like there was never a time when they weren't together. Still, she could feel the stares as her and Beth sat down at the table in the cafeteria.

"Did you study for the biology test?" Beth asked.

"Course I did," she replied. "Unlike you, who can do it in their sleep."

"I'm good at it because I study. I have to if I want to become a nurse." Beth said. "Have you figured out what you want to study at college yet?"

"Not yet."

She'd been entertaining a few possibilities, but she'd keep them to herself for now.

"You should decide soon." Beth said. "It's not like there's that many to choose from. There's pretty much three things a woman can be, teacher, nurse, or a secretary."

"Well, I don't want to be any of those things." She objected. "And I thought the whole point of all these protests and marches is that we can have more options."

"Don't think my parents would support me choosing something else." Beth said. "I'm gonna get some more fries, you want some?"

Rose shook her head. No sooner had Beth left then her seat was occupied by Curly Shepard.

"I heard you and my brother finally saw sense." He said. "So, is it true?"

"Is what true?"

Curly rolled his eyes at her. "Are you dating my brother?"

"If that's what people are saying."

"You're real shifty, you know that." He said. "If I didn't know better I'd think you'd been hauled in half a dozen times the way you're dodging these questions."

"Guess it's a skill I picked up hanging around your brother."

"You ain't gonna tell me anything, are ya?" He asked, and she shook her head. "Well, can't blame me for trying."

Rose had expected him to leave after that, but instead he sat there, scanning the room as he tapped nervously against the table. She was about to ask what was wrong when he spoke.

"I kissed Peggy."

Curly let the statement hang in the air, giving neither explanation nor context.

"And?"

"And she couldn't get away from me quick enough." He said. "Probably embarrassed she let a greaser like me get anywhere near her."

"I'm sure she doesn't think that." Rose assured him. "What happened, exactly?"

"After tutoring I took her to the diner for a milkshake, and then I kissed her in the car when I dropped her off."

"Did she kiss you back?"

"Yeah, and shoved her hands up my shirt." He said. "Then she thanked me for the milkshake and ran away."

"Oh, shit." She said. "I'm sure she has a good reason. Has she said why?"

"Says it's because of her shit-for-brains ex, doesn't want to date me and have him think she was two-timing him." He said. "Like I even want to date her."

"Do you?" She asked. "Because that kinda sounds like a date."

"It wasn't."

"Then what're you so mad about?" She asked, almost bemused. "How long ago was this?"

Curly shrugged. "A few weeks ago."

And he was still hung up on her. Or maybe it was the rejection he was hung up on. Probably didn't happen often.

"D'you think she likes you?"

"She likes me." He said, confidently. "She just don't wanna admit it."

"She might, in time."

But should Curly have to wait that long? Didn't he deserve someone that wanted to be with him as much as he wanted to be with them? Curly wasn't like her, he wouldn't wait forever.

"Whatever," he shrugged. "It's not like I give a shit."

And with that he got up from the table, walking away with considerably less confidence than usual. In that moment she wanted nothing more than to go and talk some sense into Peggy Jones, but she figured that would do more harm than good. Besides, it's not like she should really be giving out relationship advice.

The rest of the day dragged on until finally the final bell rang. Tim had promised to pick her up, but she still found herself wondering if he'd show. As soon as she walked out of the doors she spotted his car across the street; she could've kicked herself for doubting him. At first he didn't notice her approaching, too busy smoking and staring off into the distance.

"Something on your mind?" She asked, slipping into the car.

Tim raised an eyebrow, reaching out to rest his hand on her knee. "Only one thing."

She rolled her eyes at him as he pulled out from the kerb. "When's the last time you were here? Before you dropped out?"

"Nah, I've had to come here a couple of times for Curly and Angela."

Of course he had. They were both hellraisers, and Tim was the closest thing either of them had to a functioning parent. A scary thought.

"You know, the high school was built in the art deco style in the 20s, a lot of buildings in Tulsa were." She said. "They're all geometric shapes and extravagance, like the Chrysler Builing in New York."

"Huh," Tim replied. "Where'd you learn all this?"

"My uncle gave me a book about architecture in Tulsa. It's really interesting."

They spent the rest of the drive talking about architecture. Well, she talked, Tim listened, occasionally commenting but staying silent for the most part. If it were anyone else she would've thought they were ignoring her, but not Tim. She could've been talking about the lifecycle of caterpillars and he'd still listen simply because she was the one talking.

She hadn't asked where he'd planned on taking her, and she was surprised when he pulled up next to the river. It was the exact spot they'd been at almost three-and-half years ago. So much had changed since then. They'd changed.

Once he'd turned off the ignition, Tim stretched his arm across the back of the seat, beckoning her over. She slid across the seat and into his arms, resting her head against his shoulder. This was all still so new that she wasn't sure exactly where their boundaries where yet. Neither of them were overly affectionate people, they didn't need to be all over each other. What they had went deeper than that.

"How long have I got you?"

"I have to be back by curfew," Rose said. "But I shouldn't stay too long, got homework to do."

Tim grunted in response. "You told your Ma yet?"

"She knows."

"But you ain't said anything?"

Rose wondered if this was insecurity she was seeing. It made sense. She'd practically forced him to tell Angela about them and she couldn't even admit it to her mother.

"I'm not embarrassed,"

"Never said you were."

"She doesn't approve of you."

"That's hardly surprising." He muttered. "You gonna set her straight?"

"And say what?"

"That I ain't going anywhere."

Rose glanced upwards at his face, which was pointed down towards her. He was looking at her with such certainty - devotion almost - that she knew this was a promise he planned on keeping.

This was a test. He wanted to see if she was all in, as if she hadn't spent the last few years pining away for him. She might've been more annoyed if she hadn't pulled the same stunt with him. They were both distrustful by nature, always pushing away those around them to see if they would stay. It was an awful habit, one she hoped they'd outgrow.

"Okay, I'll tell her that."

"Good." Tim replied, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

A few moments passed before she spoke again.

"You don't have to come around that often." She said. "I know you don't want to."

Tim raised his eyebrows at her. "Thought that's what girls wanted."

"Maybe your broad generalisations are the reason you've never had a proper girlfriend before."

"I've had a proper girlfriend before."

"What?" She asked softly, frowning slightly as she sat up to face him. "Who?"

"It was back in high school, her name was Anna Jones." He explained, calmly, as if he was talking about the weather. "She moved to New York after graduation, think she went to college there."

This was the first she was hearing of this ex-girlfriend. He'd already dropped out of high school by the time they'd met, so at least there was no overlap. Not that she could've been angry with him if there had been. It wasn't like they'd ever been officially together until now.

His face gave nothing away. She couldn't tell if this girl had bern nothing more than a fling - a teenaged romance when he'd been more innocent, or if she'd been more than that. As terrible as it was, a large part of Rose hoped it was nothing. It wasn't jealousy per se, she trusted that Tim didn't want anyone but her, it was the idea that he'd let someone else in.

"Did you love her?"

Tim narrowed his eyes, regarding her cautiously. Maybe he was scared of her reaction, she hoped that wasn't the case. He didn't have to lie to her. There wasn't any secret of his that could scare her away.

"It's okay if you did." She continued. "In fact, I'd be happy about it."

"And why's that?"

"If she made you happy, even for a brief time, then I'm glad you had that."

She wanted it to be true, and a part of it was. She cared enough about him to not begrudge him his past happiness, even if she wasn't the cause. But another part of her, the irrational childish part, didn't like the idea of sharing.

"We weren't together for very long." He finally answered.

It was evasive, she hadn't expected anything else. But the way he looked out the window like he was remembering something - someone - made her wonder. Had he loved her? Had she loved him? Did she break his heart?

She'd often wondered if Tim had enough of a heart to break, but he did, she'd seen it. Had this girl once occupied the same space in it that she did? Were there some pockets in his soul that belonged to another. She ached at the thought. She'd never given any part of herself to anyone but him. Not the parts that mattered anyway.

 _That's unfair_ , she reminded herself, _you had your chances_.

Tim turned back to her, smirking slightly at her downcast expression. He leaned forward to kiss her softly.

"She's not here."

"And if she was?"

"She's not you."

How did Tim always know what to say to her? She supposed it was because he knew her so damn well. He knew what she wanted to hear, but better yet, he meant it.

Rose leant forward to kiss him, slipping her hands under his shirt as she moved to straddle him.

"Why don't you show me how much I mean to you?"

Tim grinned into the kiss, wasting no time in hiking her skirt up. It was a risky move for a public place in the middle of the afternoon, but at least they kept most of their clothes on. Afterwards she settled into his arms, her back against his side as he smoked a cigarette.

"Jones," she muttered.

"What?"

"Jones." She repeated. "Anna didn't happen to have a younger sister my age, did she?"

"Think so, why?"

"Nothing." She could practically feel Tim's questioning gaze on her. "Was her name Peggy?"

"Don't know." He replied. "Ain't that the girl tutoring Curly?"

"Yeah. Have you met her?"

"Gave her a ride home month ago. She the one Curly's got it bad for?"

"I don't know if I'd say that."

Rose absolutely would say that, just not to Tim. He meant well, but she doubted Curly wanted Tim sticking his nose in his love life.

"If she's anything like her sister you should warn him not to get attached."

His tone was bitter, resentful almost. She wanted to ask him what happened but knew he didn't want to talk about the past. It was a miracle he'd opened up to her this much relatively unprovoked. But still, she wanted to know about this girl who hurt hm enough that he wasn't over it after three years. She almost felt jealous that someone else could have that much of a hold over him.

"I'm going to tell my mom about us when I get home." She announced.

By the way he squeezed her to his side she guessed it was the right thing to say.

They stayed another hour at the river, with her curled up against his side while he smoked. Neither of them said much, but silence was never uncomfortable with them. It was starting to get dark by the time he dropped her home, and she could hear the television as she opened the door.

Anthony was laying on the couch in the living room watching I Dream of Jeannie, while Sally sat on the ground colouring. Sam was still at work, and a part of her wanted to put off telling her mother until he was around to intercede on her behalf, but she'd been putting this off for too long.

She found her mother in the kitchen cutting up the vegetables for dinner.

"Hey, Ma," she announced, stepping into the room. "I have something to tell you."

"Does this something have to do with Tim Shepard?" Marta asked, glancing over her shoulder to give her a knowing look. "Are you two together now?"

"Something like that."

"Something like that or like that?" She asked. "Or is he stringing you along like last time?"

"It's different this time." Rose objected. "We're together now, properly."

Marta sighed, dejectedly. "Sam told me I should leave you to it, but I feel, as your mother, I have to say my piece."

Her mother paused, as if she were expecting some sort of resistant. Rose crossed her arms, but said nothing, so she continued.

"I don't think Tim's experienced such a complete change in personality that he'll treat you any better this time 'round." She said. "I won't pretend to understand whatever connection you two have, but I know what it's like to be young and in love, I was about your age when I met your father,"

"That's not the same thing." Rose interjected. "Tim's not like my father. He won't leave me."

"I never said he would." Marta replied. "But there are other ways of hurting someone, ways that don't require any bad intention. Tim evidently cares about you, but I think I've seen enough of him to know he's hardly the type to settle down.

"No offense, but I don't think you can exactly claim to be an excellent judge of character when it comes to men." Rose said. "And I don't want to settle down. You might've married young but I won't be, and I certainly won't be marrying someone just because they got me pregnant."

They were harsh words, and Rose regretted them when she saw her mother's expression harden, but she couldn't back down now. Tim was trying so damn hard, this was the least she could do.

"He told me to tell you that he's not going anywhere." She continued. "He's going to be sticking around so you'll have to get used to it. I want you to like him, but I understand if you can't, all I'm asking for is civility."

Marta considered her for a moment, before nodding. "I don't think you're making the right choice, but it's your choice to make so I'll respect it."

"That's all I'm asking for."


	47. Chapter 47

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owners**

* * *

 **Chapter Forty Seven**

 _November 1968_

Thanksgiving was a quiet affair this year, with only Diego and Sam's mother, Edie, joining them. Usually she would be looking forward to spending time with her brother, but she doubted his opinion on her relationship status would have drastically changed. He'd made it clear on a number of occasions that he was no supporter of her and Tim. Not that there were many people in their corner anyway. It seemed only Curly was pleased with the idea of them dating.

After serving their plates they all settled around the table, drifting into the usual conversation. Sam and Marta talked about work, Anthony about school, and they steered clear of any possibly controversial topics.

"How's college?" Edie asked. "They working you hard?"

"About as hard as can be expected." Diego shrugged. "Football finishes soon, that'll give me more time to focus on my studies."

"And more time to visit on the weekend." Marta said. "Between school and football, and, other things, it's like we hardly see you anymore."

"How many times do I have to tell you, Ma, I don't have a girlfriend." Diego whined, sounding more like a child being teased for their crush than a full-grown adult.

"Don't have the time for one?" Rose asked, innocuously.

Diego bristled, shooting her a glare. "I don't want one right now."

"Speaking of girlfriends, I saw Rachel the other day." Marta announced. "She's engaged, you know, to Ronnie Phillips. They're getting married next month. It's all a bit fast if you ask me, I don't think they've been engaged for very long."

Diego was quiet for a moment, seemingly mulling over this new information. He'd claimed to not be in love with Rachel anymore, but Rose knew better than anyone that some people got under your skin and never really came out.

"She's probably pregnant."

Edie's eyes widened and their mother looked on in horror, as if he could've said nothing worse. Even if it was true, which with the hurried wedding it very well may have been, it still wasn't something to so casually throw about. Though, Rose wasn't sure why people felt the need to play pretend in public all while knowing the truth and secretly judging the woman for it. Not that Marta would have any room for judgment.

"That's not very appropriate," their mother admonished. "Besides, you don't know that."

"You're right, maybe she's just bagging the first guy who offered because a life of economic uncertainty terrifies her," Diego conceded. "Or maybe she is wildly in love with him, I certainly hope it's the latter."

"Well," Edie said, somewhat hurriedly. "Are you enjoying your classes? I can't imagine there are too many football players studying finance."

"There aren't, but I've always liked to be contrary."

Rose snorted. "No, you haven't."

"Have too."

"Have not."

"Why don't we settle this and say he's semi-contrary?" Sam suggested, ever the placater.

"And how are you, Rose?" Edie asked, who seemed to think it best to steer the conversation away from Diego. "I heard you've got yourself a boyfriend."

Rose shrunk inward, her natural response to others probing into her personal life. She didn't understand why they felt the need to stick their nose in her business when more often than not they wouldn't have appreciated the gesture if things were reversed. But she'd long ago learnt that others took reticence as something negative, and she didn't want any of them thinking that her and Tim were already in trouble. Especially not her mother.

"Yeah, his name's Tim." She replied, her cheeks reddenning slightly, though what she was embarrassed about she wasn't quite sure.

"When can we meet him?"

Rose opened her mouth to reply, but when her mother let out a quiet snort she promptly closed it. It hurt knowing that her mother didn't approve of her relationship. Admittedly, it didn't hurt as much as she thought it probably should. Her mother's opinion didn't matter half as much as her own. If Marta didn't like Tim than so be it, she'd just have to get used to them being together. Besides, it wasn't like Tim craved the approval of her family.

"It's only early days," she explained, though she wasn't sure it mattered to Tim how long they'd been together, meeting the family simply wasn't something he did. To be fair, he'd never gotten that far in a relationship before. She wondered if he'd ever met Anna's family.

"He's perfectly welcome to join us for Christmas dinner," Marta offered.

It might've sounded like a perfectly civil invitation to the untrained ear, but Rose could guess what was really going on here. Marta wanted everyone to join in on her disapproval so she could feel vindicated. The worst part was that she'd probably get what she wanted.

"I don't know, he might already have plans."

That was unlikely. Tim hadn't celebrated Christmas with his family for years, since at least before they'd met.

Somewhat desperately, her eyes flicked around the room looking for some way out of this that wouldn't throw Tim under the bus. Diego stared over her head at the television, which was playing some news story about Vietnam. She might've thought he wasn't paying attention, but then he caught her eye and winked.

"You know, I think communism has its merits." He loudly announced, causing everyone's eyes to dart towards him.

Marta's cutlery made a loud clattering sound as it hit the plate, but that did nothing to obscure the clear Spanish she whispered under her breath. Rose nearly fell out of her chair from the shock.

"I mean, the redistribution of wealth is not a wholly bad thing, especially given that large wealth gaps create societal division and corruption." Diego continued. "Though, repression and force are hardly ways to go about anything, and authoritarian regims are themselves ripe for corruption, so I suppose communism's really doesn't offer anything in the way of improvements."

Their mother was still watching him in utter horror but Diego looked relatively unperturbed. In fact, she might've said he was enjoying this a little bit.

"Maybe we should have pie now." Sam loudly suggested.

"Oh, yes, yes," Edie replied, shooting up from her chair to rush into the kitchen.

The tension had faded by the time they'd finished desert, but Rose wondered if her mother would ever entirely forgive her brother for his complete betrayal of her. At least, that's how she'd see it.

Once the dishes were cleaned and the leftovers stacked away in the fridge the others all settled on the couch to watch television. Rose, instead, walked out the backdoor and sat on the backsteps. The concrete was cold against her legs, and she wrapped her jacket around her tighter, but it was a lovely night. The sky was clear, giving her a full view of the stars.

It reminded her of when she was younger, stargazing with her grandmother who'd point out the constellations. Perseus who slayed Medusa, the many-headed Hydra, Pegasus the winged horse. She wanted to know what other names they had. There must be hundreds, thousands even. After all, every culture must've looked at the stars and wondered.

"Penny for you thoughts?" Sam asked, stepping through the door to sit down beside her.

Rose shrugged. "Not really thinking much."

"Don't be too hard on your Mom, okay, she has your best interests at heart."

Sam didn't realise it, but that was half the problem, the fact that her own mother didn't trust her enough to make her own decisions.

"She's afraid you're following in her footsteps."

"That's ridiculous. I'm _not_ her, and Tim's _not_ dad, he won't flake out on me."

"It's not your father she's afraid Tim's like."

For a moment she was too stunned to speak. As much as her mother tried to hide it, she'd known what her stepfather had done, she'd seen the bruises and heard the screams, witnessed her mother being reduced to a timid shell of herself. Even now, years later, she shuddered at the memory.

But Tim wasn't like Frank. He'd never lay a hand on her. Hell, she'd never even seen him angry with her. He was too in control of himself to ever do it, and had too much hate for his own stepfather to ever even think of it. To compare the two of them, in any way, was an affront to everything that Tim had ever done for her.

"Well, that's preposterous." She spluttered. "Tim would never hit me, he's not like that."

"He gets into fights, doesn't he?"

"Sometimes, but he has good reasons for those. And those two things are very different."

Sam didn't seem all that convinced but he didn't press the matter further. Instead, he gave her shoulder a supportive squeeze before getting up. His spot wasn't long empty, with Diego soon plopping down onto the step, lazily stretching his legs out.

"You all good?"

Rose nodded limply, but still couldn't move past the bombshell that had been dropped in her lap. She'd known her mother didn't think highly of Tim but she hadn't realised she thought so poorly of him. It wasn't as if she had any real reason to, either. Only her own past that was seeping into the present, tinging Rose's relationship.

"I heard what Sam said," Diego continued. "Much as I don't like your relationship, she doesn't know what she's talking about."

"You think?" She asked. "But why would she think it in the first place?"

Diego shrugged. "Dunno, he doesn't look like Frank, or act like him."

That was true enough. Frank was a hot-head, his emotions always getting the better of him. Tim had buried his emotions so deep most people thought he was devoid of feeling altogether.

"D'you think it's cause of where he lives?" Rose asked. "I mean, he comes from the wrong side of the tracks, I'm sure Ma heard plenty of warnings about boys like him growing up."

"Could be." He conceded. "You might not want her telling _abuelita_ about him, I doubt she'd approve."

That was true enough. She wasn't looking forward to the earful she'd be getting when her grandmother did find out. Maybe she'd just hide Tim for as long as possible.

"Thank you for that back there." She said. "Noble of you, to take the heat for me."

Diego shrugged, nonchalantly. "What're big brothers for if not that?"

"You probably didn't need to go quite as far as you did." She pointed out. "Thought Ma was gonna have a heart attack."

"Oh well, it certainly made things interesting."

"You're gonna make her regret sending you to college if you come back a commie."

"I'll be a full convert by the time I graduate." He joked. "Cover my wall in Stalin posters and the Soviet flag."

Rose chuckled along with him, thankful that she could at least count him in her corner. Even if she didn't need her family to support her relationship, she wanted them to, in whatever form that took.

"You've sure changed your tune about me and Tim." She said, hesistant to press the issue when he was only support she had. "What happened to staying away from him?"

Diego snorted. "And look how well that worked out. You're not gonna stay away from him just because me and Ma told you to, are you?"

"No."

It felt good to admit that.

"Just, promise me you won't stay if he hurts you, you deserve better than that." Diego said. "In fact, picky promise."

"Picky promise?"

"It's a solemn oath." He said, with utter seriousness, sticking his finger out to her.

Rolling her eyes, she reached out to lock her finger around his, giving his hand a firm shake before letting go. "There. Do you trust me now?"

"I've always trusted you, especially when it comes to your feelings. You know your own mind, more than I do anyway."

"That's not always a good thing."

"I'll let you in on a little secret, there is no personality trait that is entirely positive, you know why, because us humans are messy and fucked up."

That was true enough, and her brother was right. She knew her own mind, and when it was set that was it, nothing could budge her. And she was set on Tim, had been for years now. Nothing anyone could do or say was going to change her mind. He was who she wanted. He was all she wanted.

"My keys are on the bench."

"What?"

"I know that look, you wanna go see him."

Rose thought about it for a second, then looked at him, her eyes gleaming with excitement. "Yeah, I do."

* * *

Tim was sitting at the relatively empty bar at Buck's, knocking down another beer. Most people were at home with their families, and here he was, drinking the night away. Angela had invited him and Curly over for dinner, but after consuming very little of her inedible cooking they'd ditched to drink instead. Of course, he hadn't expected Curly to leave as soon as he had, especially not with that lovelorn look he'd been sporting recently.

He didn't notice someone coming up behind him until he felt hands sliding down his back to settle at his waist. He was about to turn around and tell them to fuck off when he saw familiar warm brown eyes, his gaze softening at the sight of her.

"Drinking all by your lonesome?"

"Pressed for company." He replied, slipping his arm around her waist to press her against him. "Thought you had dinner with your folks."

"I did, we finished." She said, leaning in to whisper in his ear, "Wanna grab a room?"

As surprised as he was by her forwardness he didn't waste time thinking on it. After some quick haggling with Buck, he let Rose drag him up the stairs, practically barrelling into the room. Once the door was closed her lips were on his, hungry and desperate, as if she wanted to devour him whole.

"My mother doesn't approve of us being together." She told him, slipping her hands under his shirt to push it up.

Tim pulled the shirt over his head, flinging it away. He wanted to focus entirely on getting her out of her clothes, but her words had distracted him.

"But I don't care." She continued, reaching up to him and he leant his head down so that she could take his face in her hands. "I don't care if the whole world's against us."

Tim raised an eyebrow at her. "Really?"

Rose nodded vigorously, her eyes alight, hopeful and bright. "Really."

"The whole fucking world?"

"Yeah."

"Well, fuck." He whispered, his arms tightening to crush her against his chest.

Somehow they managed to get each other's clothes off while barely breaking their embrace. They separated only momentarily to get into the bed, but then it was nothing but skin-on-skin. She clutched at him desperately, her blunt nails digging into his shoulder as he burrowed his face in her neck. For a moment he was lost in her. It seemed like there was nothing in the whole goddam world but the two of them, here, in this bedroom.

Afterwards, they laid side-by-side, not quite touching but only a hairbreadth away. She was on her back, the sheets pulled up to cover her chest, whilst he was on his side facing her. She was quiet now, staring up at the ceiling. The only light in the room came from the moonlight streaming through the window, casting shadows over her troubled eyes.

"You good?" He asked, tentatively.

Rose simply nodded in response. A part of him wanted to press her but he knew better. She wasn't one to be forced to share the thoughts and feelings she harboured, nurturing in her mind to be revealed to the few select people she trusted. And for some reason completely beyond him, he was one of those people.

"My Mom invited you to Christmas dinner."

Tim raised his eyebrows at her. "Thought she didn't approve?"

"You don't have to come if you don't want to." She shrugged, nonchalantly.

"Do you want me there?"

She didn't respond immediately. Instead, she reached out her hand to ghost her fingertips over his chest, trailing over the scars that littered his skin. Her touch alone was intoxicating, but the knowledge that she was naked underneath the sheets, the lovemarks he'd given her probably just starting to appear, was near enough to send him over the edge. But Tim was never one to lose a clear head.

"Do you want me there?" He repeated, taking ahold of her hand to stop those distracting caresses.

Rose leant her head against his shoulder, pressing a soft kiss just above his collarbone. "Yes."

"Then I'll be there."

He could feel her smiling against his skin, but when she pulled back she'd forced her face into a neutral expression.

"You gotta go home now, don't ya?" He asked, and she nodded limply. That was one of the good things about most of the girls in his neighbourhood, their families never cared where they spent their nights or who with. Probably explained all the teenaged pregnancies.

Neither of them spoke as they pulled their clothes back on. Maybe she was embarrassed about her emotional declaration. They'd spent so long in pseudo-intimate territory that neither one of them knew entirely where their lines were. Maybe she regretted what she'd said. He hoped not. He wanted to tell her that she didn't have to, because he wasn't going anywhere, but he couldn't get himself to say the words.

"I'll see you later?" She asked, her eyes wide and unsure as she looked over her shoulder at him, from her spot in the doorway.

"Yeah."


End file.
